it's personal discussion

uh, hey. my name is phoenix. :)
i am 20 years old and have been on goodreads for exactly 6 years today. this is my old journal that was my place for venting in my early teenage years and also a little bit after that.
my pronouns are she/they and im a big ole lesbian lmao.
im mentally ill but im still trying to slowly recover. im finally coming to terms with all the trauma and abuse that i have lived through...and also trying to accept good things in my life. lucky for me, i have a stable support system to fall back on now.
for the past couple years this journal has just been my periodic ramblings about random things, good or bad. but i haven't done a great job of visiting and updating, only if for my own curiosity.
i know that a lot of the friends i made here no longer come online, but i still wanna keep this space around for as long as i can.

Heyy :)

Clariiiiiiiiiiiiiice. Yessuh!;D

Hi guys!!! You're the first ones to write in mah journal!!! Do you like it??

Yep :)

Yay!! ^_^

Hey hey hey :)

HAIIIII LORIIIIII!!!!!!!!

Oh...Note to Everypony--I mean...everyone:

Anyone who wants to write can write in mah journal, but there are a few things you need to know:

1. I would appreciate it if you didnt cuss or use derogatory words, but if you must, PLEASE use ***'s. I will accept Damn, Hell or Ass though. Just no f***, s***, b****, & use words like that.

That may be it...I think. Just keep in mind that if you post in here, you're gonna have to deal with alot of craziness, hormones & fangirling. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED... *creepy music in backround* ((See? I told you...))

That's all from me, the creator. ((I didnt wanna sound like a CEO that needs you to buy my stuff...)) Have fun!! *waves*

*does backflip* HI!

Hey... *waves fingers* Dont hurt yourself...

€lāRi€£™~₦ō ō₦£ r£å‖¥ ü₦ð£$tå₦ð$~ wrote: "Hey... *waves fingers* Dont hurt yourself..."

I wish I could do this IRL...

*chuckles* I know. Oh, I wish I could be like the cool kids... ((not really!))

Ugh. Not the Cool Kids in our class. They're so rude.

That's basically why I said ((not really!)). Except for D.P. & sometimes E.R. & C.J. too sometimes.

The cool kids at my school, frankly, are whores and sons of ****s

Thank you, Lucia, for using ***'s!!!! We commend you.

Lol no problem

CX

€lāRi€£™~₦ō ō₦£ r£å‖¥ ü₦ð£$tå₦ð$~ wrote: "That's basically why I said ((not really!)). Except for D.P. & sometimes E.R. & C.J. too sometimes."

I just meant in our class.

@Lori
They ARE in our class....




It's Easter. Also known as Resurrection Sunday. It's one of the BIGGEST Christian celebration, aside from Christmas. To all of you who DO celebrate, I'll say happy Easter. To the rest of us who dont, I dont know WHAT to say exactly. Different people celebrate different things around the world. For instance; To my Jewish friends, I'll wish them a nice Feast of Unleavened Bread. That's what we commemorate. So...whether it's Easter time for your fam or not, ((It's gonna sound like Christmas time, but whatever...)) happy...um...Holiday, I guess. *waves*

€lāRi€£™~₦ō ō₦£ r£å‖¥ ü₦ð£$tå₦ð$~ wrote: "@Lori
They ARE in our class....




It's Easter. Also known as Ressurection Sunday. It's one of the BIGGEST Christian celebration, aside from Christmas. To all of you who DO celebrate, I'll say hap..."

:D

((D.P. is in 7th grade...))

((Female D.P is in our class))

Why? We ask that question so many times, over & over & over & over again...whether it be to the people around us, the Spirit inside us, or ourselves in general. Sometimes, I'll literally put my head in my hands or look up and scream:

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?

Sometimes about the hurt that I constantly feel. Other times about the voices in my head that constantly bribing me to commit some aspect of self-harm, whether it be cutting or suicide. Many times about the people God places in my life. Or why I was raised in a somewhat screwed-up environment as a home. But then again...wouldn't it just be a little better to sit back & watch God do everything in our life that needs to be done? What if we just stopped asking "Why?" all the time & allow Him some time to work in us? What would happen then?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT...

€lāRi€£™~₦ō ō₦£ r£å‖¥ ü₦ð£$tå₦ð$~ wrote: "((Female D.P is in our class))"

((OHHHHHH!!!!!!!))

€lāRi€£™~₦ō ō₦£ r£å‖¥ ü₦ð£$tå₦ð$~ wrote: "Why? We ask that question so many times, over & over & over & over again...whether it be to the people around us, the Spirit inside us, or ourselves in general. Sometimes, I'll literally put my hea..."

AMEN.

C=
YAY!!!! BEING DEEP FEELS SO AWESOMEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

€lāRi€£™~₦ō ō₦£ r£å‖¥ ü₦ð£$tå₦ð$~ wrote: "C=
YAY!!!! BEING DEEP FEELS SO AWESOMEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!"

:D

Welcome back to mah journal.

Si?

I-i i-invited m-mah f-father to m-mah gr-graduation y-yesterday...

€lāRi€£™~₦ō ō₦£ r£å‖¥ ü₦ð£$tå₦ð$~ wrote: "I-i i-invited m-mah f-father to m-mah gr-graduation y-yesterday..."

Oh :) What'd he say?

Exact words?

€lāRi€£™~₦ō ō₦£ r£å‖¥ ü₦ð£$tå₦ð$~ wrote: "Exact words?"

If you're okay with it.

ME: Would you, Miss Jen & Noriah like to come to my graduation on May 29th?

FATHER: Happy Easter, beautiful. We would love to.


>='(
I should've forgave by now...BUT IT'S TOO FRICKIN' HARD....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

€lāRi€£™~₦ō ō₦£ r£å‖¥ ü₦ð£$tå₦ð$~ wrote: "ME: Would you, Miss Jen & Noriah like to come to my graduation on May 29th?

FATHER: Happy Easter, beautiful. We would love to.


>='(
I should've forgave by now...BUT IT'S TOO FRICKIN' HARD....!!!..."

Being open & inviting is a good first couple steps. It's gonna take time.

=/
Thanks, chica. That helps..I think.

Her little bundle of joy...she's now approaching 14. 14! She couldn't help but cry when she was 12, so close to finally being a teenager. Getting to behave like the big kids, not having to tolerate being called 'kid' anymore...Now to think, 2 years later, that her beloved baby has turned into a hormone-infested, sassy, depressed ball of emotions most all the time. To think that the light of her life had become so dim. But at least she opens up, right? WRONG.

Whether she thinks so or not, she barely knows anything about the annoying, tormenting voices that constantly tug at her teenager's heart & mind. Whether she knows it or not, she knows nothing about the depressing back stories of the people around her, as well as herself. But does she know anything about that? Nope. Does she wanna know? Maybe, most likely yes. But will she EVER find out? Most likely not.

Life's a mystery. We NEVER know what's gonna happen...

€lāRi€£™~€Å₦T K££P €ÅLM...~ wrote: "=/
Thanks, chica. That helps..I think."

OK...

€lāRi€£™~€Å₦T K££P €ÅLM...~ wrote: "Her little bundle of joy...she's now approaching 14. 14! She couldn't help but cry when she was 12, so close to finally being a teenager. Getting to behave like the big kids, not having to tolerate..."

Your mother's perspective.

Lσŗεŧŧą ~Ƭнєяє Aяє Ɗαуѕ Ɯнєяє Ɯє AƖƖ ƑєєƖ Lιкє Ɯє'яє Mєѕѕєɗ Uρ, Ɓυт Ƭнє Ƭяυтн ǀѕ Ƭнαт Ɯє'яє AƖƖ Ɗιαмσηɗѕ ǀη Ƭнє Rσυgн~ wrote: "€lāRi€£™~€Å₦T K££P €ÅLM...~ wrote: "Her little bundle of joy...she's now approaching 14. 14! She couldn't help but cry when she was 12, so close to finally being a teenager. Getting to behave like ..."

Kinda...in a way...I guess...*shrugs* I just wrote it.

€lāRi€£™~€Å₦T K££P €ÅLM...~ wrote: "Lσŗεŧŧą ~Ƭнєяє Aяє Ɗαуѕ Ɯнєяє Ɯє AƖƖ ƑєєƖ Lιкє Ɯє'яє Mєѕѕєɗ Uρ, Ɓυт Ƭнє Ƭяυтн ǀѕ Ƭнαт Ɯє'яє AƖƖ Ɗιαмσηɗѕ ǀη Ƭнє Rσυgн~ wrote: "€lāRi€£™~€Å₦T K££P €ÅLM...~ wrote: "Her little bundle of joy...she's n..."

It's deep. It's good.

Thanks! ((YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!))

€lāRi€£™~€Å₦T K££P €ÅLM...~ wrote: "Thanks! ((YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!))"

*grins*

Watching A.d. again...it sounds EXTREMELY painful, so I will never understand...

"I'm moving."

Those 2 very simple words can WRECK. YOUR. WORLD.

*sings* But we hold onnnnnnnnnnnn, we hold onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

What song is that from?

Ariana Grande-Best Mistake. One of only 2 songs I like from her.

What's the other one?