.·:*¨༺ Books & Music Lovers ༻¨*:·. discussion

Questions+Advice about how to make new friends, how to have healthy friendships, etc ⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆
[I'm so happy to see this being a safe place]

How do I approach people and talk to them to become friends? I have anxiety so I usually come across as super awkward when I meet people for the first time. I always end up either oversharing or staying silent and idk how to stop that

I recently found out my friend group was talking bad about me behind my back so I dropped them, and now I want to make new, not toxic friends

I have almost the same problems as you. But I didn't drop my friends because I'm afraid of not having friends and seeing them being with someone else. My bsf has another, and she always make sure to clear that to me. (She doesn't say it to my face but talks about her and mentions her a lot) And she always makes faces like she's disgusted by me? This is her humour I know but it starts to annoy me. Sometimes I juts want to cry but I love her. Idk if this makes sense.
And I always talk a lot to strangers or don't talk at all, because I don't know how to start a conversation which is not only about the weather or something boring.

~m~ wrote: "How do I approach people and talk to them to become friends? I have anxiety so I usually come across as super awkward when I meet people for the first time. I always end up either oversharing or st..."

I know it sounds like it's super difficult to make friends, but it's not, if both people are genuinely interested in each other.

Here's some things that might help:
STEP 1 FINDING PEOPLE:
1. Find people with similar hobbies as you. Shared hobbies are a rrally good way to build friendships quickly. Assuming we all like books, you can just approach people you see reading books. If you see people at the library who are your age, you can approach them and try to talk to them. Say things like: "I really like the book you're reading!" If they respond positively, it can be a sign that they are open to being friends with you.
2. If you feel like an outcast, look for other outcasts. Trust me that kid who sits alone in class, she's probably very interesting and facing a lot of problems similar to yours.

STEP 2: MAKING CONVERSATIONS:
1. Talk about topics that interest both of you. And be yourself so that you can actually enjoy the company of that person and are not stuck in a friendship you don't enjoy. Remember, Friendships are supposed to be fun.
2. Never judge the person you're talking to.

STEP 3: KNOWING EACH OTHER+COMMUNICATING
Get to know the person you're interested in. What food do they like? What's their fav artist? What kind of life do they live? Trust me when i say this, people love it when someone pays attention. And i assure you, if you pay attention to them, they will surely pay attention to you.

....and from there, your friendship can progress naturally.

i know that "be yourself" and "be confident" are SOOOO overused, but im struggling with this at my dance (in school im like the lead idk how to say but just really good with everyone) and in my dance i just sit and then later think "why didnt i speak" or just say too much (overshare) and then think "they prob think im a weirdo and they were talking and i interuupted them"

but i have a girl in my SCHOOL friendgroup who doesnt talk too, so i can see "the silent one" from "the loud one" perspective.

talk. oversharing is not a thing with right people. dont be scared to say something. you'll see people who will support you there and then, you'll be able to talk with others when the ones who listened to you are around. im not lying. you just pick some people which you feel comfy around and then you feel brave enough to talk with anyone


it wont be easy, but if you dont believe in yourself, i do. i have people believing it for me.

I spent a long time alone. Friendships are something I have struggled with throughout my whole life, but as I come to meet new people, I have realized that it isn't an unique struggle. Everyone seems to struggle with making friends and maintaining those friendships. Everyone struggles with one or the other (or both).

My problem for a long time was my environment. There just weren't many opportunities to meet other people. The people in my college classes were just ready to get home and get out of class. A lot of them ended up dropping out or not going to the physical class after the second week so meeting people was really hard.
It was also difficult because the classes weren't necessarily in my major or everyone in the classes were in vastly different majors. There was nothing to relate to others with. They were general education credits. I'm sure a lot of people in those classes were in the same predicaments as I was but there were just no opportunities to maintain the friendships if any were made.

With that example of a setting in mind, sometimes it is your environment. So if you really enjoy engineering, but you are in a class full of art students, then you probably won't really click with as many people as if you were in a classroom full of engineers. Change the environment you're in. If you really like books, go to the book store and ask someone's opinion on a book they have read.

A lot of meeting people is just taking the initiative to talk to them. On the first day of my nursing program, I went up to someone and complimented their style. Genuinely, I really appreciated his style because he was wearing doc Martens and had a nose ring like I did. Ever since then, we have sat together in classes we have, helped each other out during clinicals, and become friends.

On maintaining friendships, some friendships are only meant for a certain amount of time, but there are a few things that can help make or break a friendship. Not all of it depends on you though.
1. Having good communication
2. Understanding each others boundaries and not crossing them
3. Being respectful of the other person
4. Anything else you would require of a friendship to be maintained
I am pretty low maintenance and just want to be treated like a human and I'll do the same, but some people are more high maintenance. Having an understanding that if you don't click with someone or maintain a friendship for 5 years, that's okay. People are meant to stay and go. Sometimes, it is up to the other person as well. You can be everything and more, but that won't guarantee someone will stay or that a friendship will be maintained. Also, arguments happen in all relationships. Arguments are surprisingly really healthy to have even though they are hard. The way that you navigate through an argument with someone else can tell you a lot about the friendship you will have with that person.

I hope some of my tips help and didn't seem like a ramble. Just know that you have to kind of reach out and put yourself in uncomfortable situations (talking about taking initiative not necessarily going to scary places). If someone doesn't want a friendship, that's okay, because there are tons of other people who do! The more comfortable you get with accepting rejection is when acceptation starts to come in. At least, that's what happened with me. Good luck!

Thanks guys for all the help <33

And another thing to note is that friendships won't last forever. People change. They might not be the people you used to love, and that's okay. What is important is that you have fun in the present, and make good memories for life <3. (I sound like an old lady lol, i promise i'm a teenager)

Tysm for the advice, you’re helping more than yk ❤️

I got scolded by my friends for being negative all the time 🥲 am i the asshole? Like i am so pessimistic all the time but like...it's reality🫠??

How do I find friends that have the same interests as me? I really love talking to people who like the same stuff as me, but most of my irl friends don't read or watch the same things as me, so I dont really have anyone to talk to about my interests. I tried to make online friends, but I always feel like I'm being so awkward and we always stop talking after one conversation. Any advice?

Juliette wrote: "How do I find friends that have the same interests as me? I really love talking to people who like the same stuff as me, but most of my irl friends don't read or watch the same things as me, so I d..."

Remember, the key is to stay true to yourself. Authenticity is crucial when seeking friends who share your interests.
Maybe join some clubs in your community? Because I had the same struggles as you did. When I started college, I went to one event, and while I was really shy because I had not really been to a gathering like that since COVID-19, I was nervous to go, but I did anyway, and now I have an amazing group of friends IRL. But you can also volunteer as well and hopefully meet great friends there I hope this helps :)

◦•●◉✿Alina✿◉●•◦ wrote: "I AM JUST GONNA SAY ONE THING HERE:

NEVER GET TOO ATTACHED TO ANY ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS!!"

um... I am very attached to my bff, she is the best!!! she would never be mean unless it is my crush... she teases me, she is like the older sis I never had

A lot of my friends are leaving my neighborhood. And I sorta haven't spend a lot of time with them. So I am trying to make new ones.