Books, music, and writing! discussion

here you can share your beautiful poetry or songs! if feedback is given, it must be kind and respectful, and you must respond nicely and respectfully to the feedback as well too keep a positive environment.

here is one I wrote a while ago. looking for feedback if you have time or want to give some!

(this is a song I wrote in 6th grade so that’s why it’s weird)

sympathy

I hear the bells ringing,
Doves singing,
All of them playing for you.
I see the rain falling,
Robins calling,
All of them stopping for you.
Now I won’t admit to anyone else,
It’s your word against mine.
But if it weren’t for your help,
I would be way less than fine.
I love your, smile.
Even if some haven’t seen it for awhile,
It still shines.
And it could light this town for a mile.
I think of the memories,
Of everything,
And you probably think of them too-o-ooo-o.
You think of yourself,
Like you need help,
But really all you do is shine.
I love your, personality.
And how you’re so sweet.
How much I would cry,
If you were to say goodbye.
Now I won’t admit it to anyone else,
It’s your word against mine.
If you were to say,
That you would stay forever.
I would just shine.
Now I won’t admit it (I won’t admit it),
To anyone else (anyone else).
I love your, personality.
And how you’re so sweet.
How much I would cry,
If you were to say goodbye,
I’d never see the sun again.
(Lower than the rest)
Now I won’t admit it,
To anyone else,
It’s your word against mine.
The way you make me feel,
I am just fine.
I love your, sympathy (sympathy)
Sympathy (sympathy)
Sympatheeeey x2
And one final thing,
One more,
I just adore,
Couldn’t say more,
I love you.

-rini

Achilles wrote: "So,

So here we are,

The backseat of my car,

Glued to one another,

Worried 'bout your mother,

We laugh,

Our faces on the photograph,

I've craved this for so long,

Tried to stay strong,

When..."

omg so much emotion! I really loved the rhyming pattern you used and also just the overall flow of the song. great job!

Rini wrote: "here is one I wrote a while ago. looking for feedback if you have time or want to give some!

(this is a song I wrote in 6th grade so that’s why it’s weird)

sympathy

I hear the bells ringing,
Do..."

i love your use of the comma, it really enhances it

Achilles wrote: "So,

So here we are,

The backseat of my car,

Glued to one another,

Worried 'bout your mother,

We laugh,

Our faces on the photograph,

I've craved this for so long,

Tried to stay strong,

When..."

wtf this is so beautiful

idk when exactly I wrote this but it was this year


I feel like my mental pain
just endlessly grows.
I can't tell if I'm getting
better or worse half
of the time.
I feel like I'm being
dragged through the dirt.
Why do emotions come
so intensely for me?
They hit me hard like
a wave to my face.

wow that's good- short but it hits 💕

@lia thanks

omg you guyses are so good!!!

Omg achilles i dont even know you but i love your work

i like the style and themes of your poems it makes it really beautiful