Book Snails Book Group discussion

Greetings fellow snails!

Pien and I are planning to buddy read A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara soon, possibly starting as early as next week.

We'll post a reading breakdown soon, hopefully sometime this week, but until then, feel free to drop us a comment if you'd like to join us!

Looking forward to it!

Tentative Reading Breakdown:

Week 1: 10/20-10/26 Part I (approx. 92 pages)
Week 2: 10/27-11/2 Part II, Chapters 1-2 (approx. 97 pages)
Week 3: 11/3-11/9 Part II, Ch. 3 + Part III, Ch. 1-2 (approx. 102 pages)
Week 4: 11/10-11/16 Part III, Ch. 3 + Part IV, Ch. 1 (approx. 92 pages)
Week 5: 11/17-11/23 Part IV, Ch. 2-3 (approx. 95 pages)
Week 6: 11/24-11/30 Part V, Ch. 1-2 (approx. 154 pages)
Week 7: 12/1-12/7 Part V, Ch. 3 + Part VI, Ch. 1 (approx. 104 pages)
Week 8: 12/8-12/14 Part VI, Ch. 2-3 + Part VII (approx. 74 pages)

12/13/24 Update
Erin's new (personal) reading breakdown
12/13-12/15: Part V, Chapter 2
12/16-12/18: Part V, Chapter 3
12/19-12/21: Part VI, Chapter 1
12/22-12/24: Part VI, Chapter 2
12/26-12/28: Part VI: Chapter 3

I’m afraid I haven’t heard from the library yet…
I’ll let you know when it’s here!

And as Erin said, everyone is welcome to join us in this buddy read! It will be fun!

I'll push everything back one week.

Thanks! It just arrived! The cover looks familiar, (black and white picture of a crying man) is there also a movie made of the story? Not that I think I’ve seen it.. :-)

Oh and I see we’re still on schedule, it’s starting the 20th!
By the way, I’ve finished Cloud Cuckoo Land and gave it five stars!

Yay! If it was made into a movie, I am unaware of it. I will probably start soon (maybe tonight) since I just finished my bedtime ebook. Though I mentioned it at my book club last night and was warned that it's depressing. 🙈
So glad you enjoyed Cloud Cuckoo Land!

I finished Part 1 today. Have you made much progress?

I started with the ebook, but it was my "going to bed" reading, so I wasn't making much progress with my reading sessions and I was having a hard time keeping each of the 4 main characters straight. I ultimately switched to the audiobook and that's going better for me, though my loan expires in 4 days... Hope I can renew it!

Part 1 really just seemed to serve as an introduction to the characters and I didn't have much to comment on, so I Googled some discussion questions for Part 1 and came up with the following:

1. What do you think of the story so far? Where is it going?
2. What do you think of the characters? Any favorites/least favorites yet? Where do you think the individual stories are going?
3. What do you think of the writing style?
4. Do you have any thoughts on their "crazy" New York lifestyle?

I'm not particularly invested in the story yet, but I am enjoying it enough to continue willingly.

I think my favorite character so far might be Willem because of (view spoiler)[how well he took care of his brother and the way he cares for Jude. (hide spoiler)] If I had to choose a least favorite, it would probably be JB because he seems like the least responsible one.

I really couldn't guess where any of their stories are going, except I get the sense that (view spoiler)[Jude will ultimately commit suicide and the others will be remorseful not just for his death, but because they didn't interfere or press enough to prevent it from happening. (hide spoiler)]

I like the writing style. I find it easy to read.

And I'm enjoying the taste of their New York lifestyle. I grew up less than an hour outside NYC and I was a huge Friends fan in my youth. I don't find it "crazy" at all, it's somewhat nostalgic for me.

I’ve finished and will write down my thoughts soon! Do I have to use spoilers? What do you think?

It doesn't look like anyone else will be joining us. Maybe preface your thoughts with "Spoilers ahead" or something like that in case someone stumbles on the thread sometime in the future and gets interested in others' thoughts. (I've done that myself.) 😉

I'm not seeing a "renew" option for my audiobook that gets returned tomorrow afternoon and it's making me nervous. I'm going to have a hard time getting through the reading without it. 😬🤞🏻

Good idea to warn for spoilers, may anyone read it in the future.
I keep forgetting the html code for it.
so: WARNING:POSSIBLE SPOILERS!

It was a slow starter for me, this book. And I was afraid it would stay a gently told description of their lives, because that would become boring in my eyes. But at the end the pace was picked up and I felt it was a bummer I finished the first part! So im definitely looking forward to continuing.
The writing style is beautiful, I think.
I have the same favorite and least favorite as you mentioned. JB takes advantage of everyone, that irritates me in a person. Malcolm is interesting because he has such a different life from the others I think. And Jude, poor Jude. I don't really know what to expect except slowly finding out what exactly happened to him. Do I want to know?!! - And that is probably the message of this book. How hard do you try to find out about someones awful past? Especially when the victim himself is so clear about not wanting it to be mentioned. He is suffering a lot, so not mentioning it doesn't seem to help. So they will have to, I think. But I understand how hard it is.
Their crazy New York lifestyle is pretty weird to me. Living so poorly, having more than one job, not knowing if you will succeed, it sounds harsh, like survival.
Overall, seems like a nice read!

oh dear, your book! could you as a last resort return to the ebook?

I'm glad you're starting to get hooked!

New York is definitely very busy and very expensive. I enjoyed visiting on occasion when I lived up north, but I would never, ever want to live there. It takes a lot of determination to survive there!

I went on a long walk this morning and got through a large chunk of Part II, Ch. 1 with the audiobook. It was pretty "easy" listening, but I'm still not quite hooked myself.

It does seem like we are going to very slowly find out about Jude's unpleasant past. That is the primary focus of this part, hence my use of quotations around "easy."

Sadly, my audiobook has been returned and it appears the license for the library copy expired because it is not even listed for me to place a hold. I have both the ebook and a physical copy of the book, but the content is so heavy and the chapters are so long that it's not something I can easily pick up and put down when I have a few spare minutes here and there. I should be able to get through this week's portion since I got through so much this morning, but next week will be a true test.

I got the audiobook back! I don't know how my "hold" became available since I couldn't actually place a hold because the audiobook didn't show up as an option, but I got it back! Yay!

I also completed the reading for Week 2 and found the shift pretty interesting. I'll post more thoughts later but wanted to get your feedback on whether or not you are interested in discussion questions for each week's reading allotment. There is a website called ChatGPT that can create them for us.

For example, when I asked for questions pertaining to Part II, Chapter I, it gave me this:

How does this chapter examine the concept of identity, particularly in relation to Jude’s past experiences? In what ways do his struggles with self-perception affect his relationships with the other characters?

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts!

Oh that’s great! Your book is back! 🥳🥳🥳
And yes, those questions by ChatGPT sound great!

Btw, I haven’t finished yet. It’s a holiday so everyone is home. Very nice of course, but not much time to read! But I’ll definitely make it in time

Ok, in addition to the questions listed above for Part II, Chapter I, I got the following for Part II, Chapter II:

What does Harold’s letter reveal about his understanding of Jude’s struggles and the dynamics of friendship among the characters? How does this insight shape our perception of Harold as a mentor or father figure in the story?

----------------------------------------------------------

My thoughts:

I’m finding the various shifts in the story little jarring. We start with an introduction to each of the four characters, then we jump ahead several years but reflect on Jude’s history and relationships, and then there’s a letter (view spoiler)[from Harold to Willem… which we had to deduce for ourselves. (hide spoiler)] I can't decide if it’s keeping things interesting or if it’s giving me whiplash.

Focusing on Part II, Chapter I: It’s such a long chapter with so much to unpack. Where to even begin?!? I adored Ana and (view spoiler)[my heart broke when she got sick and died. (hide spoiler)] But as far as examining identity, I think the content toward the end of the chapter, the part that sheds light on Jude’s life at the monastery, gives us a great deal of insight about why he is the way he is. (view spoiler)[Being abandoned as a baby in/near the trash… Being sent to live in a monastery instead of with a family because he was so “bad…” Having his hand BURNED for stealing?!? Being forced to sleep in urine soaked clothes… It’s appalling and wretched and it’s not surprising that he would end up with absolutely no sense of self worth and an inability to accept that others may actually care for him. (hide spoiler)]

Side note: I wonder if we’ll get more details about (view spoiler)[the “car injury.” I’m expecting we will… (hide spoiler)]

As for Part II, Chapter II: This one definitely made me pause to figure out who was writing and who the recipient was. I also had a bit of a hard time following the narrative throughout. I’m very curious to hear your thoughts on it. But I did enjoy learning about (view spoiler)[the development of Harold and Jude’s relationship and I appreciated the insight that revealed how Harold came to view himself as a father figure to Jude. (hide spoiler)]

I must confess, the part that struck me hardest was this: (view spoiler)[”Because finally, the moment you have been expecting, been dreading, been preparing yourself for since the day you became a parent, has come. Ah, you tell yourself, it’s arrived. Here it is. And after that, you have nothing to fear again.” Personally, my absolute greatest fear is the death of my children. I just cannot fathom the immensity of grief for losing a child, so it resonated with me. What is there to fear after the absolute worst thing imaginable has happened? (hide spoiler)]

I also highlighted: (view spoiler)[“Fairness is for happy people, for people who have been lucky enough to have lived a life defined more by certainties than by ambiguities.” It wasn’t something I had really considered before, but reading it in context, I found it pretty insightful. (hide spoiler)]

Oh my, this book. It is very unclear who it's about, when you start a new chapter, indeed, and that (view spoiler)[ the 'you' in the letter was Willem took me quite some time. And that it wás a letter I only realize now you are telling me that! (hide spoiler)]
Then, the awful, horrific stories about (view spoiler)[Judes past and the implications physically are so hard to read about. (hide spoiler)] I do catch myself thinking if I actually want to know more or just quit. But then it's such a beautifully written story and Jude has grown on me as if I know him in real life. So, that's my struggle with this book: Is it too painful for me to read on? How do you feel about that?

Okay, the questions:
I think the writer is very good at describing how Jude's identity formed.
(view spoiler)[ He's been found in or next to trash, he's been used and abused so badly, which obviously isn't good for your sense of self worth; and he chose to be a 'bad person' himself, with stealing and lying. (of course in these circumstances lashing out would be completely understandable, but in his eyes he was a bad person himself. Maybe he even did it to find a reason why he was treated so badly?) So in his eyes he's worth nothing and it is weird to him people like him and are nice. He is sure they wil eventually turn away. By the way, I'm curious (and scared) about what brother Luke is going to do. I don't think it's nice... (hide spoiler)]
And the question about the letter: Oh it was so touching! It made it so clear that to him (view spoiler)[Jude was a very important, loved person. And even that cup wasn't as important as he was.
Oh... or is the letter in this question about the one to Willem? In that case, it's clear that Harold was impressed and happy with Willems loving behavior towards Jude. (with the example of the shoelaces).
I think it's all told very subtly, so I find it really hard to put into words how his love is shown and how you can tell he becomes a father figure. (hide spoiler)]

The two things you highlighted impressed me as well. (view spoiler)[I'm sure every parent feels that way... to lose a child. (hide spoiler)]
That's why I love the writer so much, how she discribes feelings and situations are so spot on!

And about (view spoiler)[ the car 'injury', I wonder if that's not the first time he tries to commit suicide? (hide spoiler)]

A local indie bookstore here hosts something called "Silent Book Club" once a month. Everyone brings whatever they are reading, we all read silently for 45 minutes, and then we share our thoughts on our various selections. I brought my physical copy of A Little Life this past Sunday and it got quite a few strong reactions. The consensus is that the book is utterly devastating...

So far, though there have been parts that were difficult to read, I haven't yet reached a point where I'm finding it too tragic to continue. (I think Ken Follett has helped prepare me for tougher content!) And our current selection has some remarkably heartwarming parts to help balance it out. Regardless, I'm hoping we'll be able to provide enough emotional support for each other to stay the course...

At this point, I have gotten through two of our three chapters for the week and I have to say, your earlier comment, "How hard do you try to find out about someones awful past? Especially when the victim himself is so clear about not wanting it to be mentioned," resonates very strongly in this week's selection!

I'm going to create a separate post after this one with some discussion questions. I've been generating them after I've finished reading each chapter because sometimes they need tweaking, which I wouldn't know if I hadn't already done the reading.

Week 3 Discussion Questions

Part Two, Chapter Three:
Silence plays a crucial role in Jude's character development, both in his own internal struggle and in his interactions with others. How does the chapter portray Jude's tendency to withhold or silence parts of his life? What does this silence suggest about his fear of vulnerability, and how does it impact his relationships, particularly with those who want to be close to him?

Part Three, Chapter One:
In this chapter, there is a noticeable shift in how Jude interacts with his friends, especially Willem. How do you interpret Willem’s role in Jude's life at this point? Is he truly capable of helping Jude, or is he inadvertently enabling Jude’s self-destructive tendencies? What does this dynamic reveal about the limits of friendship when one person is in such deep emotional pain?

Part Three, Chapter Two:
In this chapter, the dynamic between the characters, especially regarding care and support, becomes more pronounced. How does the act of caregiving in this chapter reveal underlying guilt, responsibility, or even a sense of duty in the characters' interactions? How does this sense of duty shape their emotional burdens and complicate their friendships or romantic connections?

Great! New questions already! Thank you for doing the gpt thing and the tweaking
And yes, Ken Follet made a little layer of concrete on my soul that should make this read a little bit easier to get through, haha. Although his stories made me angry, this one makes me sad. That is still a bit harder.
I’ve finished the first chapter of this weeks schedule and I’m so relieved that it wasn’t so tragic. It’s a beautiful story. But it will get awful again obviously, according to the people you spoke with. did the people who read the book finish it?

It sounds great, that coming together to read, I would really enjoy that.

Well, you’re right, we can support each other with the difficult parts. It’s well worth it!

Oh no! Reading your questions for this weeks parts, I found out that I have read far too much! I wrote down your schedule wrongly so I have also read what was planned for next week! I thought it was a lot 😄.
Tomorrow I’ll answer the questions. And next week will be quite relaxed I guess… 😁

Oh my! That is a lot of reading! 😆
Did you want to press on with the next selection this week? Since I have the audiobook, I could probably get through the reading for this week and the next to get caught up. Just let me know and I'll adjust the schedule at the top. I wouldn't mind getting ahead of schedule as I'm already working on a list of festive books I'd like to read in December.

Most of the people who have made comments to me about this book did finish it, though there was one who was unable to because it was too much for her.

I think there was actually more content that brought me joy than brought me sorrow this week.

I absolutely adored reading about their Thanksgiving celebrations. How Harold (view spoiler)[always wants to make something more special than turkey but inevitably fails and ends up with turkey anyway. I cracked up when Jude commented, "This is dynamite trout." (hide spoiler)]

And I teared up when Harold and Julie (view spoiler)[told Jude they wanted to adopt him... even though he's already a grown adult. And later, when Jude tries to "confess" the "terrible" things he's done to Harold, but Harold absolves him without even knowing what those things are... It was so remarkably heartwarming and demonstrated the deep, unconditional love Harold has for Jude. (hide spoiler)]

I also loved how thoughtful Malcolm was when (view spoiler)[working on the design plans for Jude's apartment. Until that point, it seemed Willem was the only one in the friend group that really looked out for him much. But this careful consideration of Jude's future needs really showed us how deeply Malcolm also cares. (hide spoiler)]

I think the only really painful part of this section, for me, was when Jude (view spoiler)[gets home from work to find the elevator not working and struggles to get himself up the stairs to his apartment on his own. I was so upset that he couldn't reach of any of the people he trusted to help him. (hide spoiler)]

Later, when Jude needs to tell Harold about (view spoiler)[his career change, I felt it strongly demonstrated the crucial role Jude's silence plays in his relationships. His fear of vulnerability was so strong, he couldn’t bring himself to tell Harold that he needed the extra money to help pay for all of his current and anticipated future medical expenses. I felt so sure that Harold would have shown more support had Jude been more open with him. Instead, it caused a strain because Harold is left to believe that Jude has simply compromised his morals to chase more money. (hide spoiler)]

It makes me wonder, what decisions would I make about how much or how little I shared with others, particularity anyone I allowed to get close to me, if I had a past as tragic as Jude's? Would I be open to accepting help? Or would I do my best to keep everyone at arm's length and try to project that I didn't need their help? I like to think I'd be more accepting than Jude, but my past is just so vastly, and gratefully, different that I can't really know how it would have shaped me.

With regard to the final discussion question, Willem's relationship with Philippa is the first thing that came to mind. Philippa (view spoiler)[paints a detailed picture of her future with Willem... where they will live, what their children and grandchildren will be like... But her picture doesn't include Jude. And when Willem alters it to include Jude, it seems to sour the relationship for Philippa. Willem is so devoted to his friend and fully expects to provide lifelong support for him. He doesn't seem to even consider that a potential spouse might not be on board for that. (hide spoiler)]

I’d like to pause this week because I woke up with the flu. 😷 And this morning I received a message from the library that someone put a hold on my book so I have to return it in three days! 😒
So it’s good I read too much last week. I’ll make my own reservation for the book again and hope I have it back next week. 🤓

Oh no! Feel better soon!!

Thanks!

Week 4 Discussion Questions

Part Three, Chapter Three:
How does JB's relationship with art and his friends evolve in this chapter, and what does this say about his identity and insecurities? What role does JB’s struggle with addiction play in shaping his relationships and self-perception in this chapter?

Part Four, Chapter One:
How does Caleb’s behavior impact Jude’s sense of safety and self-worth? What does this interaction suggest about the patterns of abuse and trust in Jude’s relationships, and how does it reinforce or challenge his perceptions of himself?

Hi Erin, have you read this weeks parts?
How do you feel?
I have to tell you I’m really sorry but I have decided to stop reading this book. I’d love to stay your buddy while you read it and tell me what’s happening though!
The book is written so well but the severity of the subject is really quite tough. I would have continued, but my flu turns out to be COVID and I am very tired and still in bed. I’m afraid it would be a real struggle to read this book (pace / subject) while not feeling fit and I think it’s better to go for a lighter read. And then you can read it faster if you like to.
Tough decision because I do this with you and the book is really good. But it’s the healthy one.
Again, I am sorry and I love to hear what you think of the book!

Oh no! That is terrible! Is this the first time you've had it? I hope it doesn't get much worse for you and that you recover fully and quickly. I completely understand not wanting to press on with this book during your recovery. The last time I had Covid, I spent it stitching a bright, cheerful cross stitch pattern of flamingos.

I have finished this week's selection and, for now, I am pressing on. I think, having had so many people emphasize how devastating the story is, I mentally prepared myself to handle it. But moving forward, I will try to post my thoughts and feelings without spoiling too much in case you decide to go back to it someday.

I "enjoyed" how Part 3, Chapter 3 turned the tables a bit, having Jude being the one offering help instead of the one needing it. Though it was absolutely heartbreaking when (view spoiler)[JB mocks Jude at the end of the chapter, shattering the trust Jude had in his friend. (hide spoiler)] This chapter certainly showed how friends can drift apart over the years.

And Jude's relationship with Caleb in the next chapter!!! I was so (view spoiler)[angry and upset that Jude put up with the criticism and abuse for as long as he did. I wish he had shut it down immediately after Caleb showed his distaste for the wheelchair. The Axiom of Equality was certainly an appropriate title for this section as, despite how well his life was going for so many years, Jude ultimately returns to that state of worthlessness he experienced in his youth. (hide spoiler)] I wonder if the story will ever revisit his past or if we'll be left with just the glimpses we've had up to this point.

Your statement, "How hard do you try to find out about someones awful past? Especially when the victim himself is so clear about not wanting it to be mentioned," was ringing in my ears again during this section, when Willem (view spoiler)[openly confessed to Jude that he was afraid of pushing too much for fear Jude would shut down completely. (hide spoiler)]

There was a bright spot, though, with the scene in the restaurant when (view spoiler)[Harold is lecturing Jude and then tells the waiter, “I’m just yelling at my son,” which makes Jude so happy to be claimed by someone. (hide spoiler)]

You made me laugh with your description of cross-stitching happy flamingos while having COVID. That’s certainly so much healthier than dealing with a book like this! I’m getting better, luckily. Not there yet but definitely better.
So, about the book. Please tell me everything you want, because I thought the last part was really hurtful and I don’t mind to know how it evolves without having to read it myself. (Am I an egoist?) (view spoiler)[ The way this physically and mentally broken man got even more physically and mentally broken was unbelievable to read. Even when I could know this was going to happen.
It was to be expected that, when he would get into a relationship, it would be a bad one, because that’s the only thing he knows. (How do the bad guys smell who’s vulnerable to this??) But how wonderful it would have been, if it was one in which he could learn how to be loved.
I agree with you that it was so lovely to read about Harold, Malcolm and Willem and how they put Jude first and try to take care of him. /spoiler> (hide spoiler)]

How are you feeling, Pien? I hope you're on the mend!

I haven't made any more progress on this one yet. I had a couple others I wanted to get through and now my audiobook for A Little Life has been returned again without the option to re-borrow. I'm hoping it miraculously comes back, like last time, but we shall see. Next week would have been a good one to make progress since we are off for Thanksgiving. I will be sure to post updates when I pick it back up.

Am I imagining things or is this book playing hard to get?! 😂
Anyways, I’m feeling so much better, thank you! I was afraid it would take a long time, but thank goodness that’s not the case. Only a little bit tired and having a bit of a cold. 👍🏻

I hope you're fully mended, Pien!

I was holding out for the audiobook to return because, in the meantime, several books I placed holds on a while back became available and I wanted to get through them while I had the chance. But I've wrapped those up and still, no audiobook. So I suppose I must return to the ebook and will try to get back to it this week.

I tackled another chapter last night!

Part Four, Chapter Two Summary:
This was another letter from Harold to Willem. (view spoiler)[Harold revisits his son Jacob's illness and death. He then discloses the aftermath of Caleb's attack on Jude. Feeling bad about how he acted during their dinner, Harold goes to Jude's place the following morning to apologize and finds him badly beaten. He takes Jude to Andy to get him fixed up and then reflects on their relationship... He talks about the confidence and control Jude has in the courtroom, versus the insecurity he has elsewhere. He mentions discovering Jude's blades in the bathroom and his ongoing pursuits to find and dispose of them after confronting Jude about them and watching Jude shut down. Yet again, the theme of "how hard do you push someone you love who needs help" permeates this part. (hide spoiler)]

I really enjoyed this chapter and the depths it explored. After two books I had to give up on because they just couldn't hook me, I think I have a deeper appreciation for this story.

These are the quotes I highlighted which convey the main points of the chapter pretty well, I think.

(view spoiler)[When Harold confronts Jude about the razors:
"He stared at me for a long time with that look he had - I know you know the one - where you can see him receding even as he looks at you, where you can see the gates within him closing and locking themselves, the bridges being cranked above the moat."

And later: "I know you blamed yourself. I blamed myself, too. Because I did something worse than accepting it: I tolerated it. I chose to forget he was doing this, because it was too difficult to find a solution, and because I wanted to enjoy him as the person he wanted us to see even though I knew better. I told myself that I was letting him keep his dignity..."

And finally, when he reflects on the change that comes over Jude after the attack, how he was generally happy and would allow Harold to hug him before, but then regresses and shies away from touch after:
"I knew I would have to start all over. I knew that he had decided that Caleb was right, that he was disgusting, that he had, somehow, deserved what had happened to him. And that was the worst thing, the most reprehensible thing. He had decided to believe Caleb, to believe him over us, because Caleb confirmed what he always thought and always been taught, and it is always easier to believe what you already think than to try to change your mind." (hide spoiler)]

Oh it sounds beautiful! And hurtful of course. That second quote, its so understandable how he chooses to go with Jude’s act that he is not doing what he’s doing. And how he feels guilty at the same time. Emotionally, this writer is so spot on, isn’t she?!
And about your last part, (view spoiler)[ it’s so frustrating how Jude beliefs Caleb, in stead of all those loving people that have been there for him so much longer! But yes, it’s what he learned about himself when he was young of course. //(view spoiler)[
I think you are very brave continuing the read, even without the usual ebook. And I really appreciate you making a summary about it!! (hide spoiler)] (hide spoiler)]

Part Four, Chapter Three Summary

Wow... Ok... This chapter was remarkably difficult to stomach...

First, we return to Jude's childhood at the monastery. (view spoiler)[Brother Luke is grooming Jude. He fills his head with images of a pleasant life they might have together, just the two of them, like a father and son. Jude leaves the monastery with Luke before his ninth birthday. (hide spoiler)]

Then, we jump forward to (view spoiler)[Jude's regression following the beating by Caleb. All of his horrible memories come flooding back and he is consumed. Willem returns and stays with him until he needs to leave for another job after which Jude plots and attempts suicide.

"He hoped they would forgive him; he hoped they would see that this was his apology to them. He was releasing them - he loved them most of all and this was what you did for people you loved: you gave them their freedom." (hide spoiler)]

We then go back to his time with Luke. (view spoiler)[It is confirmed that some of the brothers at the monastery sexually abused Jude. Luke explains to Jude that he needs money to make the life they envisioned together a reality and basically becomes his pimp, sometimes presenting Jude with multiple "clients" a night. After several months of this, Luke finally works his own way into bed with Jude. (hide spoiler)]

At this point in the story, Jude is the same age as Henry. I was absolutely sickened and my heart was shattered. It is so hard to fathom what some people monsters are capable of. (It's far worse than anything Follett fed us.)

Following this, we move forward again to (view spoiler)[Jude's recovery from his suicide attempt. Willem returns and helps take care of him. Jude battles an inner voice urging him to try again. He regularly has nightmares and calls out for Brother Luke to help him. Willem hears him and asks about Luke. Eventually, Jude concedes. Willem and Jude plan a trip to Morocco. (hide spoiler)]

We end up back with Luke. Several years go by, and (view spoiler)[the pimping continues. One day, Jude accidentally slips and falls down some stairs. "Something about the fall, the freshness of the pain, had been restorative. It was honest pain, clean pain." And that's when he starts throwing himself into walls intentionally. Luke demands that he stop, but offers him the razors to cut himself instead. That is where the habit began. Earlier in the chapter, Jude explains, "People had always decided how his body would be used, and although he knew that Harold and Andy were trying to help him, the childish, obdurate part of him resisted: he would decide."

Eventually, after more years go by, policemen show up at the motel where Luke and Jude are staying, banging on the door and calling for Edgar Wilmot. Luke retreats to the bathroom and is later discovered hanging from the ceiling with an extension cord around his neck. We can deduce that he wasn't who he said he was. The police send Jude to a home. His past is no secret, and some of the counselors there abuse him as well. At this point, one can only conclude that he has been raped by HUNDREDS of men. (hide spoiler)]

As the chapter concludes, Jude reveals that he is still unsure about (view spoiler)[his feelings toward Luke. "Was he worse than the other brothers? Had he really made the wrong decision? Would it really have been better if he had stayed at the monastery? Would he have been more or less damaged by his time there? Luke's legacies were in everything he did, in everything he was: his love of reading, of music, of math, of gardening, of languages - those were Luke. His cutting, his hatred, his shame, his fears, his diseases, his inability to have a normal sex life, to be a normal person - those were Luke, too." (hide spoiler)]

With this chapter, I'm finding that I (view spoiler)[can't really blame Jude for his suicide attempt. I can't imagine trying to live with that amount of trauma terrorizing my mind. Despite the fact that he now has so many individuals in his life who truly love him, it almost seems more humane to allow him to put an end to his suffering. (hide spoiler)]

I may need a small break after this section... though the next part is titled "The Happy Years," so perhaps it will offer a bit of a reprieve?

Oh, Erin, it’s all so horrible! And so much of it! That poor man.
I could imagine you need a break after this.
Hopefully the happy years will indeed be happy. Maybe they decide (view spoiler)[ to stay in Morocco for a few years together? Too bad for Willems girlfriend/ wife but hey, she can come with! :) (hide spoiler)]
So he can really relax and be himself, and maybe heal a little from all those scars.

The audiobook has magically returned again! 😂 🙌🏻
I'm probably going to give myself a couple more days to recover from that last chapter, but I'm excited to have the audiobook back. I have quite a bit of Christmas stitching to complete for my kids so I'm glad I'll be able to make progress on this while I work on that.

Part Five, Chapter One Summary

This chapter is centered around Willem. (view spoiler)[He gives up opportunities that would take him away from Jude after Jude's suicide attempt and his agent gives him a hard time about the sacrifices he’s making. "Come on. If he were the love of your life, I'd understand. But this seems extreme to me, to inhibit your career like this."

As a result, Willem reflects on his relationship with Jude. “He sometimes wondered if he could ever love anyone as much as he loved Jude… His friendship with Jude made him feel that there was something real and immutable about who he was, that despite his life of guises [as an actor], there was something elemental about him, something that Jude saw even when he could not, as if Jude's very witness of him made him feel real." And Willem starts to develop stronger feelings for Jude at this point.

After much consideration, Willem decides to confess his feelings to Jude and their relationship moves beyond friendship. They take things very slow. Willem is patient and understanding. Jude finds he enjoys small acts of affection, cuddling and kissing, though he is uncomfortable moving beyond that. After 4 months together, Jude finds an obituary for Caleb in the newspaper and learns that he died of pancreatic cancer. He then confesses to Willem what transpired with Caleb.

Eventually, Willem and Jude reveal their new relationship status to friends and family. Most are happy, though JB gets jealous and upset that Willem "chose" Jude over him.

As time goes on, Willem starts feeling conflicted. Willem’s agent informs him that his relationship with Jude will seriously impact his career, limiting the roles he will be offered due to his new image. “For the first time, he wondered if Kit was right… if he would never work again, or at least not the kind of work he enjoyed. Would he resent Jude? He didn’t think so; he hoped not.”

He also starts coaxing Jude into more intimate acts, such as showering together, thinking the intimacy would be good for Jude. But then he starts to suspect that Jude is just going through the motions to appease him and will never actually be comfortable with any of it.

He ultimately realizes that “somehow in the past seven months he had decided that he was going to repair Jude, that he was going to fix him, when really, he didn’t need fixing.” He recognizes that “their relationship wasn’t a rescue mission after all, but an extension of their friendship, in which he had saved Jude and, just as often, Jude had saved him. For every time he had gotten to help Jude when he was in pain, or defend him against people asking too many questions, Jude had been there to listen to him worrying about his work, or to talk him out of his misery after he hadn’t gotten a part, or to (for three consecutive months, humiliatingly) pay his college loans when a job had fallen through and he didn’t have enough money to cover them himself.”

The chapter concludes with the two of them singing together, as Jude helps Willem prepare for an upcoming role in a musical. "His voice wasn’t as full as Jude’s, but he could tell in those moments that it was good enough, that it was maybe better than good enough: he could tell it sounded better with Jude’s, and he closed his eyes and let himself appreciate it.” (hide spoiler)]

This relationship really caught me off guard and I'm not sure how I feel about it. (view spoiler)[Willem has always been an amazing friend to Jude, but he's now put himself in a position I don't think he can ever get out of without knowing fully what he was getting himself into. How could they possibly go back to just being friends after crossing that line? And can Willem go without deeper acts of intimacy for the rest of his life? Because, given Jude's history, I don't think Jude will ever be comfortable with them. (hide spoiler)] I'm certainly curious to see where their story goes.

Part Five, Chapter Two Summary

Not only was this a long one, it was very deep as well. I know my summary will not do it justice and will not be comprehensive. But here goes…

Jude tells Willem that (view spoiler)[he is ready to have sex, even though he isn’t, because he thinks Willem expects it of him and will leave otherwise. He also discloses that he has multiple STD’s but tells Willem they were the result of a “lost year in D.C.”
“A large part of him had hoped, expected even, that things would be different with Willem, that he would, finally, enjoy the process. But once it had begun, he could feel every bad old sensation returning… when it was over, there was the same shame, the same nausea, the same desire to hurt himself, to scoop out his insides and hurl them against the wall with a bloody thwack.”
“Eventually, he made some rules for himself. First, he would never refuse Willem, ever… Second, he would try - as Brother Luke had once asked him - to show a little life, a little enthusiasm… The third rule was that he would initiate sex once for every three times Willem did, so it didn’t seem so uneven. And fourth, whatever Willem wanted him to do, he would do.” All because, “They were in a relationship. People in relationships had sex." (hide spoiler)]

At this point, (view spoiler)[Jude and Willem’s relationship made me very unhappy. To be fair, Willem sensed that Jude did not enjoy having sex and asked him directly, multiple times, if he was ok with it. Each time, Jude told him he was. But it was heartbreaking that Jude felt the need to subject himself to it in order to please Willem. (hide spoiler)]

Willem also suspects that Jude experienced (view spoiler)[sexual abuse but has no idea when or to what extent and he frequently tries to approach the subject with Jude, “—through stories of friends and acquaintances, some named, some not (he had to assume some of these people were creations, as surely no one person could have such a vast collection of sexually abused friends), through stories about pedophilia he read in magazines, through various discourses on the nature of shame, and how it was often unearned.” But Jude refuses to open up.

For awhile, Jude keeps his cutting under control, but eventually he starts cutting himself more and more. Willem confronts him about it and it leads to their first big fight. ‘“Don’t you understand why this upsets me so much?” Willem asks him. “No, Willem,” he says. “I know what I’m doing. You have to trust me.” “I do trust you, Jude,” Willem says. “But trust is not the issue here. The issue is you hurting yourself.”’ When it continues, Willem follows Jude to the bathroom one night and catches Jude in the act. He takes the razor away from Jude and starts slashing himself across the chest so Jude will understand how he feels when Jude cuts himself. They yell back and forth and finally, Willem asks Jude, “Are you even happy with me?” Jude “felt something in him break and fall. “Willem,” he began, and then started again. “You’ve made me happier than I’ve ever been in my life.”’

Jude tries to distract himself from the cutting with his various hobbies: baking, playing piano, etc. But it is a huge struggle. Then, one night when one of Jude’s colleagues has a cigarette, Jude gets a new idea. He decides to “accidentally” burn himself while cooking as an alternative to the release he experiences from the pain of cutting. He ends up burning himself so severely that he needs skin grafts, which Andy tends to. Andy isn’t fooled by his story though and demands that he confess what he did to Willem when Willem returns from his latest trip. After Willem returns, he and Jude drive to Harold’s for Thanksgiving. At a rest stop, when Jude is out of the car, Willem answers a call from Andy who, not knowing he was speaking to Willem, demands to know if he’s told Willem. Jude is forced to come clean and later that night, Willem finds Jude cutting himself again. Willem is livid. He snaps at Jude, “Fucking cut yourself to ribbons for all I care. You love the cutting more than me, anyway," and he decides to leave.

Once he’s had time to cool down, Willem regrets his outburst and apologizes to Jude. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean what I said—I would be distraught if you hurt yourself. I am distraught.” But he gives Jude an ultimatum: “I do think you need help—help I don’t know how to give you.” He takes a breath. “I either want you to voluntarily commit yourself, or I want you to start seeing Dr. Loehmann twice a week.” … “And what if I don’t want to do either?” Jude asks. “Are you going to leave?” He shakes his head. “Jude, I love you,” he says. “But I can’t—I can’t condone this kind of behavior. I won’t be able to stick around and watch you do this to yourself if I thought you’d interpret my presence as some sort of tacit approval. So. Yes. I guess I would.”

Jude offers to tell Willem everything instead, and Willem tells him he would still have to get professional help, but that he hopes Jude would tell him everything anyway. So he does… And Willem “doesn’t know what he is going to do. He is dizzy with what he has heard, with comprehending the enormity of his misconceptions, with stretching his understanding past what is imaginable, with the knowledge that all of his carefully maintained edifices are now destroyed beyond repair.” Now, when Willem asks, yet again, if Jude is comfortable with sex, Jude finally confesses that he hates it.

We then jump back to Jude’s past and the events that followed his time with Brother Luke. He ends up at the boys’ home in Montana where he continues to suffer abuse. One day, he tries to hide to avoid it, but he is found and beaten so brutally that he ends up in the hospital. Afterward, he reflects, “He knew he was ugly. He knew he was ruined. He knew he was diseased. But he had never considered himself grotesque. But now he was. There seemed to be an inevitability to this, to his life: that every year he would become worse—more disgusting, more depraved. Every year, his right to humanness diminished; every year, he became less and less of a person.”

Later, after an encounter of abuse, Jude steals his abuser’s coat and money after he falls asleep and flees. He decides to head to Boston and whores himself to truckers to get there. He makes it as far as Philadelphia before he becomes so ill from a venereal disease that he needs to stop. He passes out in a gas station bathroom where a “doctor” finds him and brings him home. Dr. Traylor gives him antibiotics for his sickness, and then sexually abuses him after he recovers until he tires of him. “I’m tired of you. You’re dirty and you disgust me and I want you to leave.” He couldn’t believe it. But then he remembered to speak. “Okay,” he said, “okay. I’ll leave now.” “No,” said Dr. Traylor, “you’ll leave how I want you to leave.”

To escape Dr. Traylor, Jude is forced to run in front of Dr. Traylor’s car. “He ran. Dr. Traylor followed him, and sometimes he would accelerate, and he would run faster. But he couldn’t run like he used to run, and he fell, and fell again. Each time he fell, the car would slow, and Dr. Traylor would call out—not angrily, not even loudly—“Get up. Get up and run; get up and run or we’re going back to the house.” Instead, when Jude collapses for the last time, too exhausted to pick himself up and continue, Dr. Traylor drives over him “and it was done.” Thus, the nature of the "car injury" is revealed.

Yet, when he turns 16, Jude's luck changes. He goes to college and better people enter his life. He goes "from nothing to an embarrassing bounty.” In fact, at the end of the chapter, when all four friends are enjoying a dinner party, a drunken JB remarks, “Well, Judy,” he said, “you really ended up with it all in the end, didn’t you? The career, the money, the apartment, the man. How’d you get so lucky?” Jude responds, "I’ve been lucky all my life," which confused me quite a bit. I don't understand how he could say he was lucky all his life with everything he endured in his childhood. I hope it becomes clearer later... (hide spoiler)]

P.S. Willem and Jude also (view spoiler)[start building a house together and, after they settle on a site, Jude recalls the dream he had shared so long ago with Brother Luke. "He smiled, but inside him something wrenched, a feeling like his entire nervous system was being tugged out of his navel, because he was remembering that other forest he had once thought he’d live in, and was realizing that he was to finally have it after all: a house in the woods, with water nearby, and someone who loved him." (hide spoiler)]

Part Five, Chapter Three Summary

Willem and Jude have a discussion about (view spoiler)[how much intimacy Jude is comfortable with in their relationship and Jude gives Willem permission to sleep with other people. Willem tells him he won’t… though he does.

There is a lengthy discourse on how everyone has to make sacrifices in relationships.

Then, Jude’s health problems worsen. He develops a bone infection and ultimately needs to have both of his legs amputated below the knee. This takes place right around Willem’s 50th birthday.

Afterward, Jude’s health improves and they have a couple of really good years together.

As the chapter concludes, it is summer, “the best summer,” and Willem heads to the train station in a small red convertible to pick up Malcolm and Sophie while Jude remains at their house preparing for their visit. On the way back to the house, they are in a collision with a truck. (hide spoiler)]

This chapter wasn’t particularly deep or emotional, as others have been. While it is saddening that (view spoiler)[Jude faces the amputation of his legs, it is also heartwarming to see all the support he receives from his family and friends through the process. (hide spoiler)]

Oh my, so much has happened! Thank you so much for writing all of it down, that’s so very kind! Now, I guess (view spoiler)[ Willem and his girlfriend broke up? She felt it coming, don’t you think?
I never thought that they would become boyfriends but I’m happy for Jude to have ‘found’ such a good partner. But it doesn’t solve anything, that’s obvious. I am happy that he trusted Willem enough to finally share the whole story. And it sounds like we know his whole story now as well.
How far are you in the book? They are around fifty now, and they are doing pretty good. Losing his legs is sad but it might mean less pain for him?
Are you enjoying reading it right now? (hide spoiler)]

Part Six, Chapter One Summary

Willem, Malcolm and Sophie are (view spoiler)[all killed in the crash. Jude is put on suicide watch for the first few days after the accident, but it is unnecessary. He is numb and wants to remain that way. He doesn’t even cut himself anymore. We watch him struggle to adjust to life without Willem. He works as much as possible to distract himself. At home, he wraps himself in Willem’s clothes to breathe in his smell. He buys a maternity pillow to cuddle with at night.

JB reaches out again and again, but Jude cannot stand him. He cannot help himself from thinking, “It should have been you.”

“There is something very wrong with this world, he thinks, a world in which of the four of them—him, JB, Willem, and Malcolm—the two best people, the two kindest and most thoughtful, have died, and the two poorer examples of humanity have survived.”

He shuts himself off from everyone. But he cannot escape Richard who, being his landlord, let’s himself in one day to check on Jude and try to draw Jude back into reality. He convinces to Jude to join him for dinner. It is Jude’s 51st birthday.

At the close of the chapter, Jude opens his birthday present from Richard, a wooden bust of Willem, and starts going through his bequest from Malcolm, which includes scale models of Lantern House (the house he and Willem had built in the woods) and their apartment on Lispenard Street. He finally decides to call JB. (hide spoiler)]

Pien wrote: "Oh my, so much has happened! Thank you so much for writing all of it down, that’s so very kind! Now, I guess Willem and his girlfriend broke up? She felt it coming, don’t you think?
I never thoug..."

Willem and his girlfriend (view spoiler)[broke up quite some time before Willem and Jude got together. I cannot recall the circumstances (or even which girlfriend was the last).

I believe we do have Jude's full story now, though it felt like there was a lot more of the story devoted to his time at the monastary and with Brother Luke than there was about his time at the boys' home or his time with Dr. Traylor. (hide spoiler)]

I have two chapters left to go and I'm eager for the conclusion of the story. I am very impressed with the writing and how much emotion the author is able to evoke. Many times, I read a book and feel no connection to the characters. But this story is so rich, one can't help but connect to them. Yes, much of it is devastating, but there is also so much love and support. I'm very glad I persisted.

I can’t believe (view spoiler)[ all of them died! It’s so awful. If I hadn’t stopped earlier this might have been too much for me… don’t you think the author is cruel to write such a heartfelt book but then kills everyone that is so dear to Jude? I mean it in a funny way but there is a bit of truth in that feeling though… (hide spoiler)]

Part Six, Chapter Two Summary

Lucien (from Rosen Pritchard) (view spoiler)[has a severe stroke. Jude starts visiting him regularly, even though Lucien never remembers who he is. Both Lucien and his wife talk only of themselves, never asking Jude anything about his personal life, and that suits him.

Jude also starts paying visits to the Irvines (Malcolm’s family). He reflects on Malcolm:

“Malcolm, he realized, had been the first among them to recognize that he was disabled; Malcolm had known this even before he did. He had always been conscious of it, but he had never made him feel self-conscious. Malcolm had sought, only, to make his life easier…”

And he reflects on the advice Malcolm’s father had given him years before: "Never try to make yourself more palatable in order to make your colleagues more comfortable.”

Jude presses on with life. He sees billboards with old ads featuring Willem’s face. He reads news articles about movies that had to recast roles Willem was slated to play. He starts contemplating suicide again.

One night, at dinner, Andy tells Jude he’s making preparations to leave his practice. He introduces Jude to the partner he has brought on to take over but, after the meeting, Jude realizes he could never be comfortable with anyone else.

“He thinks of the conversations he will need to have, the explanations he will need to give: about his back, his arms, his legs, his diseases… “You have to tell someone,” Ana used to say, and as he had grown older, he had decided to interpret this sentence literally: Some One. Someday, he thought, somehow, he would find a way to tell some one, one person. And then he had, someone he had trusted, and that person had died, and he didn’t have the fortitude to tell his story ever again.”

Toward the end of the chapter, JB is working on a retrospective featuring all of his life’s work. Jude visits the gallery before the opening to show his support. JB unveils a new piece featuring Willem and Jude is struck. “He knows Willem’s smiles, he knows Willem has been captured looking at something he loves, he knows Willem in that instant was happy… He goes slowly to the wall behind the painting and sees its title—Willem Listening to Jude Tell a Story, Greene Street—and he feels his breath abandon him…”

When JB sees how the painting has affected Jude, JB kisses him, which greatly upsets Jude and causes him to flee from the gallery. (hide spoiler)]

Have you heard the expression, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?” That expression resonated for me when reading this chapter. Yes, this story is remarkably tragic. And yes, it was deeply upsetting when (view spoiler)[Willem, the one person Jude comes to love above all else is taken from him (hide spoiler)] but, though I didn’t touch on all of it in my summary, this chapter illustrates the depth of love so many others have/had for Jude. (view spoiler)[Willem, Malcolm, Harold, Julia, Andy, even JB, with what he’s able to capture in his paintings… they all truly love(d) Jude and made his life so much richer. (hide spoiler)] I believe everyone has ups and downs in life. (Though, hopefully, most people’s downs aren’t as low as Jude’s.) And this chapter seemed to serve as a reminder that, when life is hard, when you’re struggling, you should take a step back and try to reflect on everything you have to be grateful for, all the happy memories that can buoy you up. And maybe I’m just being sentimental because I’m in a sentimental mood. With the holidays upon us, I’ve been reflecting on the differences between this year and last. Last year, I was stressed and overwhelmed and overworked. This year, I’m feeling so much more calm and peaceful and grateful for a slower pace. But, I digress…

I now have two chapters to go, (I overlooked the fact that there is a Part Seven with just one chapter), and I’m eager to see how it all ends.

Part Six, Chapter Three Summary

(view spoiler)[Jude starts having blackouts. He’s not eating much and starts having hallucinations. “He fears he is grieving not so much for Willem but for his own life: its smallness, its worthlessness… He will leave nothing behind: not buildings or paintings or films or sculptures. Not books. Not papers. Not people: not a spouse, not children, probably not parents, and, if he keeps behaving the way he is, not friends. Not even new law. He has created nothing. He has made nothing, nothing but money."

He pulls away from everyone who loves him and continues starving himself until, finally, he becomes so thin that his loved ones stage an intervention. They force him into the hospital and set up a schedule to ensure constant monitoring of his eating.

Jude is so angry he starts lashing out at everyone, acting childish. One night, while having dinner with Harold and Julia, he throws his plate of food at a wall. He expects Harold to yell at him and tell him to leave. Instead, Harold and Julia wrap their arms around him and Harold says, “Jude, my poor Jude. My poor sweetheart.”

Later, “he plays his old game of “If” with himself: If I hadn’t followed Brother Luke. If I hadn’t let myself be taken by Dr. Traylor. If I hadn’t let Caleb inside. If I had listened more to Ana. On he plays, his recriminations beating a rhythm in his head. But then he also thinks: If I had never met Willem. If I had never met Harold. If I had never met Julia, or Andy, or Malcolm, or JB, or Richard, or Lucien, or so many other people: Rhodes and Citizen and Phaedra and Elijah. The Henry Youngs. Sanjay. All the most terrifying Ifs involve people. All the good ones do as well. Finally he is able to calm himself…” and he decides to stay. (hide spoiler)]

Part Seven Summary

(view spoiler)[As the second anniversary of Willem’s death approaches, Harold, Julia and Jude take a trip to Rome. Jude disappears on the anniversary itself and spends the day alone. Upon their return America, Harold witnesses the depth of Jude’s anger.

“In those month I thought often of what I was trying to do, of how hard it is to keep alive someone who doesn’t want to stay alive. First you try logic (You have so much to live for), and then you try guilt (You owe me), and then you try anger, and threats, and pleading (I’m old; don’t do this to an old man). But then, once they agree, it is necessary that you, the cajoler, move into the realm of self-deception, because you can see that it is costing them, you can see how much they don’t want to be here, you can see that the mere act of existing is depleting for them, and then you have to tell yourself every day: I am doing the right thing. To let him do what he wants to do is abhorrent to the laws of nature, to the laws of love. You pounce upon the happy moments, you hold them up as proof—See? This is why it’s worth living. This is why I’ve been making him try—even though that one moment cannot compensate for all the other moments, the majority of moments. You think, as I had thought with Jacob, what is a child for? Is he to give me comfort? Is he for me to give comfort to? And if a child can no longer be comforted, is it my job to give him permission to leave? And then you think again: But that is abominable. I can’t.”

Harold tries to keep Jude engaged by asking him to work on a project with him, to teach him how to cook or take a music class together and Jude goes along, but his heart isn’t in it.

Eventually, Jude commits suicide by injecting an artery with air to cause a stroke. He was 53. All of his loved ones attend the funeral... ‘“At least Willem isn’t here,” we said to one another. “At least Willem isn’t here to see this.” Though, of course—if you were here, wouldn’t he still be as well?”

Harold and Julia later read a letter Jude has left for them. It is an 8-page confession about everything that had happened to him.

Harold also discloses that Andy died three years later from a heart attack and Richard died two years after that from brain cancer. Only he and Julia and JB remain.

In the end, we discover that Harold wasn’t writing letters to Willem in previous chapters. He was talking to the painting, Willem Listening to Jude Tell a Story, which hangs above his fireplace. ‘“Willem,” I ask you, “do you feel like I do? Do you think he was happy with me?” Because he deserved happiness. We aren’t guaranteed it, none of us are, but he deserved it.” (hide spoiler)]

Your summary has me crying… Did you?

Honestly, I did not cry. By the end of the story, I was prepared for (view spoiler)[Jude to commit suicide. There was so much wavering throughout the book, so many times he fought it, it seemed inevitable that he would go through with it one day. (hide spoiler)]

I had a hard time putting into words what I took away as the overarching ideas, so I used a little help from Google. I think the three biggest focuses were:

1. The power of friendship
Jude finds substantial strength and resilience in the close bond with his friends who provide unwavering support despite the vast challenges he faces.

2. The complexity of trauma
The story explores the multifaceted nature of trauma, illustrating how past abuse can manifest in physical and psychological ways throughout a person's life.

3. The limits of healing
Despite the immense love and care of his friends, Jude’s traumas are so severe that complete healing was never possible. 


Though you didn't finish and would have to base your answer on the summaries I provided, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on why the author chose the title A Little Life.

Personally, I think (view spoiler)[it's a good way to summarize Jude's life. Though he spent many years surrounded by love and support, he was never able to escape the traumas of his youth. They permanently tainted everything that followed and so he was never able to fully embrace and enjoy everything life has to offer.

"His life, the only thing that is his, is being possessed: By Harold, who wants to keep him alive, by the demons who scrabble through his body, dangling off his ribs, puncturing his lungs with their talons. By Brother Luke, by Dr. Traylor. What is life for? he asks himself. What is my life for? Oh, he thinks, will I never forget? Is this who I am after all, after all these years?" (hide spoiler)]