Journaling discussion

Here ya go!

tysm!!

yo okay so I have a journal now!!

this is pretty freaky lol. anyways so today I had a lovely surprise from my emetophobia. I was peacefully munching on my school snack (which was a orange) but it was too sour so I was freaking out. I then was worried I was gonna throw up because of how it tasted and I actually couldn't use any of my tactics I normally use to try to get it to go away. so I excused myself to the bathroom, came back, and as STILL freaking out until I somehow managed to calm down because all that stress was making me tired

then me and my boyfriend called and he said he was a descendant of JOHN ADAMS?????? now idk if bros tripping and then he said HE SHARED THE LAST NAME WITH PEOPLE IN THE SALEM WITCH TRIALS. WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

then he yapped to me about magic mushrooms for an hour straight because he's a nerd and then I got MORE stressed eating my mediterrainan dinner and I thought I was gonna puke AGAIN. so that was really fun. its also because I keep forgetting to take my meds and i'm nearing my monthly visit (ikyk)

sooo today my sister yelled at me for stealing my moms products whcih was really fun. like bffr i just wanted a everything shower.

i also had to eat outside today because I was really emetophobic and it took me FOREVER to eat my meditarranian (i had leftovers) and my dinner too (beef stew). i had a traumatic experience with it and almost barfed it up in my sink so that was pretty scary

then my mom yelled at me for putting a silly picture in my gc because i can't "send weird pictures of me every second of every day"

GIRL IVE ONLY DONE THAT ONCE. SYBAUUUUUUUU

so yeah overall wonderful day
also hoco is the day after tomorrow and im screaming and jumping for joy omg i can't wait to go with my boyfriend

hoco has ended and I'm so tired

I have brunch with my grandpa tommorrow too so I'm officially cooked +AP Gov essay outline

i'm praying to the Lord above that I somehow ace that

my dad thinks he understands EVERYTHING when he really doesn't. e.g. I was working on my doomed, dreaded AP government assignment when bro said I was "doing it wrong". SO THERE ARE EXAMPLES PROVING IM NOT CRAZY??? AND OTHER THINGS?? so tbh idgaf about his agenda anymore because i've been crying for the past 2 days about this and I JUST. WANT. TO. GET. IT. DONE. god forbid a girl have her priorities

I have so many voices in my head right now. They're calling me dumb, worthless, useless, stupid. it's always a cycle whenever I make a mistake and I can never seem to undo it... day after day after day...

how in the world am i supposed to ignore them and pretend I'm fine?

okay so today was chill lotsss of homework though

and I'm getting a new tutor on Wednesday BUT I WANTED A SPANISH TUTOR AND MY PARENTS DIDN'T GET ME ONE EVEN THOUGH IM FRIED IN SPANISH

they were like "ask your friend" bc she speaks spanish

guys I don't wanna be one of her 99 problems

update: guess who's emetophobia came back

its meeee
its mEEEEEEEEEEEe

I love my anxiety monster guys he's so nice