Mental Health Awareness Group discussion

Public or Private?

Public is fine thank you ophie :)

Ofc!💜

Trigger warnings include:

Eating disorders (binging, purging, starving)
Self harm/Sui (ideation, attempts)
Homo/transphobia
Sleep trouble
religion
self loathing
anxiety/depression
hallucinations
medications
some religion (Christianity, Islam, pagan)
please don't read if you will be uncomfortable with these <3

Streak:
Meals:
Mood:
Episodes:
Urges:
outfit:
Something new:
Physical complaints:
Looks:
highlight person:

Thank you for reading and please remain respectful <3

Please get out of my head
I didn't do anything to deserve this
please
nobody else deserves to deal with this either
get me out of here
I cant cry in school.please don't cry.

Sol? What happened babes?

are you okay?

tuthiiii wrote: "Sol? What happened babes?"

Basically nothing happened i was just having a really bad moodswing, and then everyone was just being weird towards me such as my ex kinda making fun of me and struggling with social cues but i am okay, thank you :)

No breakfast
No lunch
I know since I have play practice I wont have to eat dinner
1 meal yesterday and purged badly
I have play practice tomorrow too which means no breakfast no lunch no dinner
damn it I know my dietician will be very disappointed, I'm losing progress severely. But I cant- I dont know

Sol, please eat something. Is there anything I can do to help?

Streak: a week maybe?
Meals: none
Mood: 5/10
Episodes: On and off today and yesterday I keep getting bad flashbacks of what the hospital and how my dads face looked when he found out and how instead of looking at me he kept looking at my scars and how the pastor ran her hands over my body and told me I would be healed and how she wouldn't stop touching me, everywhere- my stomach- my back- my arms- my face- over my legs and across my butt, I can still feel her hands on my body in that hospital bathroom I cant get her out of my head it burns.
Urges: Uhm idk high ig rn I'm just so anxious but feel like I'm overreacting it wasn't even that bad
outfit: Batman hoodie, jeans, black converse, black tank top
Something new: I cant go to my friends track meet tonight :(
Physical complaints: Uh idk I just low-key am having issues rn
Looks: I hate it so bad I had my body my skin I can feel it oml
highlight person: Evie and Magnolia (codename hehe)

tuthiiii wrote: "Sol, please eat something. Is there anything I can do to help?"

Im sorry I'm not sure, i might eat at some point in the next two days though I'm sorry

I'm so sorry that happened to you and flashbacks are never fun, I'm here for you if you need anything love

⋆｡°✩ Sol {Working for the Knife} wrote: "Streak: a week maybe?
Meals: none
Mood: 5/10
Episodes: On and off today and yesterday I keep getting bad flashbacks of what the hospital and how my dads face looked when he found out and how instea..."

I'm so sorry Sol, that pastor sounds fucking disgusting and she had no right to invade your privacy like that 😭

You're not overreacting at all. I don't know specifically what you're referring to but if it's the flashbacks that's completely valid. You were touched in places without your consent for a disgusting reason (meaning them thinking they could heal you with that bro) and it's completely okay for that to stick with and bother you a lot.

⋆｡°✩ Sol {Working for the Knife} wrote: "No breakfast
No lunch
I know since I have play practice I wont have to eat dinner
1 meal yesterday and purged badly
I have play practice tomorrow too which means no breakfast no lunch no dinner
d..."

Don't feel bad Sol, I know how hard it is to eat :( Could you maybe try at least eating some of an apple? (I have one in my lunchbox that you can have)

⋆｡°✩ Sol {Working for the Knife} wrote: "Streak: a week maybe?
Meals: none
Mood: 5/10
Episodes: On and off today and yesterday I keep getting bad flashbacks of what the hospital and how my dads face looked when he found out and how instea..."

Sol, I'm so sorry that happened. That sounds horrible and that pastor definitely should not have been touching you like that.
You are not overreacting, how you feel is very much valid :)
(ALSO THE CODENAME???)

₊✩‧₊˚౨ EVie ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ wrote: "⋆｡°✩ Sol {Working for the Knife} wrote: "No breakfast
No lunch
I know since I have play practice I wont have to eat dinner
1 meal yesterday and purged badly
I have play practice tomorrow too which..."

Uhmmmm I might try I suppose its just like, now that I know when I can get away with skipping meals it feels like I have to take the opportunity because I cant very often? y'know?

₊✩‧₊˚౨ EVie ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ wrote: "⋆｡°✩ Sol {Working for the Knife} wrote: "Streak: a week maybe?
Meals: none
Mood: 5/10
Episodes: On and off today and yesterday I keep getting bad flashbacks of what the hospital and how my dads fac..."

Thank you my lovely twin *hugs*
YES BECAUSE OF LAUFEY AND SHES MY MAGNOLIA (she knows I call her this hehe)

Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version] wrote: "⋆｡°✩ Sol {Working for the Knife} wrote: "Streak: a week maybe?
Meals: none
Mood: 5/10
Episodes: On and off today and yesterday I keep getting bad flashbacks of what the hospital and how my dads fac..."

Thank you Barnie ilysm you're the best *hugs* :)

Im sorry your feeling that way :(

And your pastor should not be touching you under no circumstances!!! Boy or girl, Nuh uh if my pastor touched me I would've told her to stop!

And that's weird if she placed her hands there no no, honey you need to tell her that you didn't feel comfortable.. and if your to scared (which I would be to)
Go ask your dad! and he can talk to her yk?
or do Girl to girl talk.

That's so not cool🫂

Everytime i stand i feel like im going to fall over or like im moving in slow motion and or going to pass out but im not stupid enough to complain because i know exactly why

I just got a C on another Spanish test. I thought I did so good too. I studied so hard and why am I still failing. Its not for lack of effort I genuinely thought I did good and I tried so hard I'm so done
so so done

I want to go home and just die and die and die oml I cant do this anymore I'm so done please just let me go my grades are going to go down im a failure and i cant even eat i feel like im going to pass out and fall over and what is even the point /s>

⋆｡°✩ Sol {Working for the Knife} wrote: "I just got a C on another Spanish test. I thought I did so good too. I studied so hard and why am I still failing. Its not for lack of effort I genuinely thought I did good and I tried so hard I'm ..."

I promise you did good! If you ever think you did bad, its the teacher fault, you got this!

⋆｡°✩ Sol {Working for the Knife} wrote: "I want to go home and just die and die and die oml I cant do this anymore I'm so done please just let me go my grades are going to go down im a failure and i cant even eat i feel like im going to p..."

its ok, my grades are going down too, dont die don't die don't die, you got this, find ur fire sol. <3

"I didn't eat for three days so I could be lovely"

➷ Officia11ySecret {u r strong. never forget.} ➷ wrote: "⋆｡°✩ Sol {Working for the Knife} wrote: "I want to go home and just die and die and die oml I cant do this anymore I'm so done please just let me go my grades are going to go down im a failure and ..."

thank you, I'm trying <3

I didnt eat for 64 hours.
That's the longest ive gone honestly, and my body hurt so so bad from it but I cant say I regret it.
I had yogurt this morning, and grapes, and immediately purged because my body physically couldn't take it but I'm trying, okay?
I don't know how to explain to my dietician

you got this sol, atleast your trying, small steps, that’s what counts! Try to take it slow today and stay safe !! <3

@ Adriel
Thank you twin🥹 <3

⋆｡°✩ Sol {Working for the Knife} wrote: "I didnt eat for 64 hours.
That's the longest ive gone honestly, and my body hurt so so bad from it but I cant say I regret it.
I had yogurt this morning, and grapes, and immediately purged becaus..."

What Rev said, what matters is that you're trying. Recovery takes time and you will get through this. You are so strong Sol, even if you don't feel like it. Im proud of you twin <3

₊✩‧₊˚౨ EVie ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ wrote: "⋆｡°✩ Sol {Working for the Knife} wrote: "I didnt eat for 64 hours.
That's the longest ive gone honestly, and my body hurt so so bad from it but I cant say I regret it.
I had yogurt this morning, ..."

THANK YOU MY DIVA *sobs* I love you

Aspen wrote: "Hey, Sol, good job trying sometimes that's all it takes. keep trying b, I'm proud of you"

Thank you Aspen, and welcome back, I missed you <3

"What the fuck is going on with you"
Im sorry, I don't know

"But you seem to be doing better"
Maybe? Sometimes

"What triggered this?"
I'm sorry I don't know, my own mind

"What have we ever done besides love you"
I'm so sorry

"Why do you feel you deserved to be punished?"
I don't know but I deserve it

"Who are you?"
I don't know.

"Is the only reason you want to be 'bad enough' is so your parents would give you attention?"
No No No its not about them I'm sorry

"We cant just skip meals, Gia"
Im sorry.

UGHH I’m so so sorry people are putting you into conversations like this. You don’t have to be sorry,!!. Don’t let anyone make you think that this is your fault and you should always be sorry. You are doing great, you are amazing. Sometimes will be better than others, and not everyone in your life will understand that, and it’s so so sucky, but if possible, try to hold onto the better parts, think about the fact that more good times will eventually come. Not knowing why you’re feeling like this, or what’s your trigger is , is ok . You’re not always gonna know, but you’re trying to figure it out and that’s what matters. You’ve got this sol, I’m here for you sol!! Stay strong!! You will have better days and they will come, when, we may not be sure but you’ve got this, ( yes I know I said you got this a lot but you must know that your amazing!!!! >:3 ) I hope you have an amazing day and if you need to talk about anything I’m here. Also, you don’t deserve any of this, I know it’s hard to believe but you are so kind and amazing and I feel so bad that you feel like you deserve what your going through

⋮ ⌗ ┆ Adriel ~ {“ILL D1E ANYWAY C: ”} wrote: "UGHH I’m so so sorry people are putting you into conversations like this. You don’t have to be sorry,!!. Don’t let anyone make you think that this is your fault and you should always be sorry. You ..."

Wait youre so sweet *wipes my tears* Stop what I love you twin

⋆｡°✩ Sol {Working for the Knife} wrote: " ⋮ ⌗ ┆ Adriel ~ {“ILL D1E ANYWAY C: ”} wrote: "UGHH I’m so so sorry people are putting you into conversations like this. You don’t have to be sorry,!!. Don’t let anyone make you think that this is ..."

smiles,, I am like in a very comforting,, like let me help you mood ,, I love you too twin 🥹 /p

I feel like I could fly
I feel like my physical body is the only thing holding me back
woah
(watch me start sobbing in 20 mins)
but I feel so good
"reckless behaviors" But I have nothing even slightly reckless to do.
So it feels like so much pent up energy and nothing to do its making me mad

Why is everybody like this
this is so fucking stupid
I'm so over this
why do I even try

And apparently im being made fun of for being fat again behind my back.
Im fucking 130 pounds.
Yes I know that's a lot okay but what the fuck.
Was losing over 40 pounds for nothing?
I feel like I'm going to throw up
I shouldn't care
but I do

you shouldnt care hun 🩷

⋆｡°✩ Sol {Working for the Knife} wrote: "And apparently im being made fun of for being fat again behind my back.
Im fucking 130 pounds.
Yes I know that's a lot okay but what the fuck.
Was losing over 40 pounds for nothing?
I feel like I'..."

Oh my gosh are you serious? That is so messed up I'm so sorry. Don't listen to them, I'm not sure who is saying that stuff but I can promise you you are NOT fat. It's hard not to care, I know that, but how you look isn't their problem and they really suck for saying something like that. I'm so sorry Sol :(

₊✩‧₊˚౨ EVie ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ wrote: "⋆｡°✩ Sol {Working for the Knife} wrote: "And apparently im being made fun of for being fat again behind my back.
Im fucking 130 pounds.
Yes I know that's a lot okay but what the fuck.
Was losing o..."

I don't even know anymore
but thank you <3 it means a lot

130 POUNDS IS NOTHING-


(Im bad at showing emotions, sorry)

Ali wrote: "130 POUNDS IS NOTHING-


(Im bad at showing emotions, sorry)"

WYM NOTHING /genq
and its okay!

GURL

(I only know kilos so i converted it and if thats a lot i have no idea what i am)

Oh that makes sense Ali :)

⋆｡°✩ Sol {Working for the Knife} wrote: "And apparently im being made fun of for being fat again behind my back.
Im fucking 130 pounds.
Yes I know that's a lot okay but what the fuck.
Was losing over 40 pounds for nothing?
I feel like I'..."

that is freaking messed up...you shouldn't listen to what others say, all theyre gonna do is to criticize you more

Streak: Uhm like 2 weeks
Meals: Yesterday I ate normally until dinner and I severely purged because I felt so sick and now I don't want to eat
Mood:I'm not sure right now
Episodes: Last night was bad
Urges: High all week but I've been too tired
outfit: black skirt +black leggings+ black shirt+ burgundy polo on top
Something new: I did my makeup and think it looks pretty okay
Physical complaints: My back hurts but everything else is fine, yesterday I had severe severe stomach pain all night
Looks: I just feel fat. And I know I am. I don't know, I just want to lose weight again
highlight person: Magnolia <3

"Unloveable"
I know.

"What is even wrong with you?"
I dont know.

"She wasn't trying to hurt you"
I know, its my fault.

"Liar"
Im sorry.

"Mistake"
You're right.

"Young woman"
I know, I'm sorry, i know i'm not a boy

"Its because i abandoned you, isn't it"
No, you didn't- its not your fault.

"I can't handle your mental health and mine"
I never asked you to.

"I'll never love you like my own child."
Okay. Im sorry.

All this and more. Ringing in my head. All.the.time