Mental Health Awareness Group discussion

Public!

Thanks so much!

Hi everyone, and welcome to my journal! 😊 Anyone is welcome to comment here, and I will always include a trigger warning when necessary. I'll probably use this journal occasionally to vent, as well as to set goals and post check-ins.

So I fear that I made this a few days ago and started overthinking what I was going to write for my first message but I know that I should hold myself accountable because I said I was going to use this and I'm just going to go for it 😛

**Content Warning** Family conflict, anxiety, chronic pain

This is just a full out vent:

I feel like my family is falling apart.

My dad is always working, not because he wants to be, but because his job is so demanding. I only get to see him at like 11 p.m. every once in a while. I know he's just trying to take care of our family, but it still breaks me.

My mom has way too much to deal with. She's constantly in pain because of her back issues, and she struggles with severe anxiety. A lot of the time, she ends up taking her stress out on me and my sister. Then she'll immediately regret yelling at us and apologize. I don't really blame her for it, but it's such a frustrating, endless cycle.

My dad wants my mom to go to therapy. I agree that therapy could help her, but I also think she has to want to go herself. She's too worried about the cost (fuck the US healthcare system) to seriously consider it right now. My dad doesn't seem to understand that. Whenever my mom starts to spiral which is pretty much every day) he brings up therapy like a weapon. I know he genuinely wants to help her, but he always goes about it the wrong way. My mom immediately gets defensive, they start yelling at each other, then they both apologize, and before long they're repeating the exact same cycle.

Watching all of this happen over and over again is exhausting. I love both of my parents, and I know they're both trying their best in their own ways, but it feels like everyone is drowning.

I feel so tired all the time. My parents don't say it but I know they think I'm lazy. I try to help out as much as I can, but I just feel like I never have the energy anymore. I also can't sleep even though I'm exhausted. I can never sleep when I need to. And when I sleep in late, I still never feel rested. I'm so tired.

Hey Sam! I just looked at your bio and OMG BLUEY IS MY HAPPY PLACE HONESTLY

Liv ~mon chérie~ fly high, telly wrote: "Hey Sam! I just looked at your bio and OMG BLUEY IS MY HAPPY PLACE HONESTLY"

AAH YES I LOVE BLUEY SM

It’s literally the best lmao

My parents argue about me like I'm not standing right in front of them. They say that "she wants this. She doesn't want that" as if I'm invisible. They want me to decide my future right now. I tell them I don't know. And they tell me that it's ok. And then they remind me that I'm running out of time. It's so obvious how badly they just want me to know what I want. And if I'm being fucking honest I want the exact same thing as they do. But since I don't have an answer for them, they argue and argue and argue. And I don't know if I even have a big, bright future at this point. I've taken too long to decide. And it seems like everyone else is doing everything. And I'm not. They say "she needs to find a passion. She needs to start a nonprofit. She needs to do something." I tell them I don't know how, but they don't hear me. I tell them I need help, but they don't hear me. I deserve to be listened to. I wish they could hear me

I'm so sorry sam. you deserve support and help and not just being told what to do. that sounds so stressful. you're not running out of time, and if you decide to take a gap year that's okay too, a LOT of people do that and it can help just figure out what you wan tto do when you aren't in school so much.

Thanks, Tessie ❤️

I feel like everyone secretly hates me. I know it's not true but I can never get the feeling out of the back of my head. I feel like I never say the right thing. I always feel awkward and it seems like I'm always being left out. And I hate that I'm so insecure and I don't want to be this way. But I can't figure out how to stop

My dad: for your college essay you should write about how you are missing teeth
Me: Definitely not. I don't want to think about it more than I have to
My dad: Are you sure? That would be so good. Oh well. Then you should write about how you run awkwardly
Me: I don't run awkwardly. What are you talking about? And why would I write about that for my college essay
My dad: You do. And you always get so defensive when I bring it up.
Me: ...

What I wanted to say: Ofc I get defensive. Because it feels like you are just taking this opportunity to bring me down, and to make me more insecure. I've worked so hard on my running form that it hurts so much to hear you say that. And it's not even true either. Freshman year I struggled with my running, yes, but not anymore. I'm much stronger now. I came in 9th place in a race with 100 people. But you weren't there. Because you are never there when it matters. And I know it's not your fault. But it still hurts.

I love how my mom gets mad at me constantly for no reason at all.

Our power went out today. My mom said she was going to make lunch, but I offered to make it instead bc I knew that she was stressed. I start making pasta, but then I realize the stovetop isn’t working. I’m confused because it’s gas, so I figured it would work anyways. My mom is confused too. I ask if we can call my dad. She says “YES.”

I call him and he says it isn’t working because the lighter is electrical. So I’m like ok cool, and on instinct I go to open the fridge. My mom snaps at me that I shouldn’t open it. I’m like “I’m sorry I genuinely forgot”

And then she tells my dad “I’m being such a pain” and hangs up. I felt like she slapped me. I was just trying to help. So I grab a trail mix and go into my room.

Then she bursts into my room without knocking and starts telling me how annoying I am. I’m starting to freak out because I went into my room because I wanted some space. So then I interrupt her and I’m like “Mom. Please. I need a break.” She finally gets the hint and as she’s leaving she’s like “you stress me out so much.”

I hate that I’m such a people pleaser. I hate that whenever I try to help I always manage to do something wrong. I hate the way my mom always assumes the worst of me

I hate that I’m such a people pleaser. I hate that whenever I try to help I always manage to do something wrong. I hate the way my mom always assumes the worst of me

hello *knocks* would u be alright for me to comment

@snoopy
Yeah 😊

Samantha (matching w Tessie) wrote: "I hate that I’m such a people pleaser. I hate that whenever I try to help I always manage to do something wrong. I hate the way my mom always assumes the worst of me"

people always take the good parts of things for granted that they only focus on flaws. i’m sure ur mum has faith in u <3

Thanks ml ❤️

Samantha (matching w Tessie) wrote: "I feel like everyone secretly hates me. I know it's not true but I can never get the feeling out of the back of my head. I feel like I never say the right thing. I always feel awkward and it seems ..."

that's actually so relatable. i unfortunately don't have advice but know that you're not alone ml, and i'm here for you whenever you need <3

Thanks so much, Sai Sai 🫶