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Fadeout
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Christina
(new)
Sep 26, 2026 02:05AM
I'm working on a new book called Fadeout, a YA Christian futuristic dystopian sci-fi, but the opening is giving me a little difficulty. I have three scenes, all will probably be incorporated somehow in the rest of the book near the beginning. Which one grabs you the most? Which one makes you the most interested in the characters?
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Scene 1:“Leave her alone!”
Even from five tables away Silas Durant heard his sister’s voice above the hum of quiet conversation and the buzz of the e-mem lights. Malina Durant’s volume was quiet, but her intensity was high, filled with emotion.
“She’s going to be next,” Sebastian Wesson said with a snicker as he walked past Silas bumping into Silas’ back as he did. “They’ll pull her out specially.” He threw the comment over his shoulder, but he kept going.
Silas started to rise.
“Don’t do it,” Paul Green, Silas’ roommate, said. “They’re watching.”
“I don’t care,” Silas said. There was no need to glance up at the camera in the corner closest to them or the ones placed in the middle of the wall so that every angle could be viewed. He was going to go over there and calm Malina. She couldn’t show emotion like that. Not when she was sixteen and old enough for fleecing.
“Not about you, but think about her,” Paul added softly.
Silas started to sink. Going over and comforting her or letting her vent would prove not just his attachment to her but her attachment to him. And her attachment was the one that would be exploited first. They would strap her to the Machine and break her will with thoughts of Silas until every memory, every emotion that made Malina’s soul beautiful was drained out of her leaving only the shell of a body behind.
Scene 2:The bar locking Silas’s cell door was pulled back and a fist pounded on their door.
“Time for breakfast! Let’s go,” one of the guards shouted before doing the same for the cell across the hall.
Silas stood leaning against the cool wall. He had been praying silently.
Paul Green, Silas’ cellmate, jumped lightly to the floor and moved to push the door open. Each cell door was made of a thick, hard wood and was quite heavy. But Paul didn’t have any problems. After five years of pushing that door both of them were used to it. Silas joined Paul and they both stood in front of their door waiting until they were given permission to walk to the cafeteria.
“Hey! Paul and Silas!” Isaac Carlton whispered loudly from the opening of the cell across the hall to their left. “I didn’t hear any singing last night. You should really give it a try.”
He snickered and looked at his cellmate Sabastian Wesson who sneered at them.
Silas glanced down the hall where the guard had almost reached the end of the cells, but the guard either didn’t hear or didn’t care.
“Do not mock God,” Paul whispered back. “He has a purpose for everything.”
Leave it to Paul to say something like that Silas thought. Not that Paul was wrong, Silas fully agreed. The problem was that talking to Isaac or Sabastian always incurred more mockery not less. Slowly clenching his fingers into a fist until he could feel his short fingernails poke his palms; Silas focused on breathing in and out. He didn’t understand why Isaac or Sabastian did the things they did. Of all the guys in their ward, they were the worst.
Scene 3:It was fleecing day.
“Everyone line up!” Tymas the Faan guard’s deep voice echoed in the courtyard.
Silas Durant moved to his new position from last week between his roommate, Paul Green, and Thomas Spencer, who shared the cell next to theirs. They were in the sixth line somewhere in the middle of the other Carillians, but there were now more teens and children behind him than before him. Without moving his head, he tried to look for Malina Durant, his 16-year-old sister. She was somewhere in the first two lines of the girls’ side, but he hadn’t checked her position the last time because he was too busy checking his own.
The shuffling and scuffing of feet stilled, even the little kids in the back knew to stand and not move or make a peep. Silence lingered until even Silas held his breath. A loud screech of the microphone from the guard tower made them all wince.
“The first name is….”
Paper rustled.
Something bonked the microphone causing a loud boom.
“Sarah Hudson…to the farm.”
Several of the older girls clapped softly as Sarah stepped forward from the second line of the girls’ side and made her way to the front far left, close to the giant gate leading out of the courtyard that would only open once everyone else was secured inside. Sarah’s cheeks were tinged pink. She couldn’t hide the relief her eyes.
“Next is….”
More paper shuffling.
“Joseph Markell…to the farm.”
“What?” a nearly 18-year-old teen who was second in line gasped.
“Whoa!” someone to Silas’ left said. “They never let the old ones go to—.”
“Step forward, or go to the Machine if you’d rather,” said the voice over the microphone.
Joseph quickly took two steps forward from the guys’ side and turned to face the assembly next to Sarah.
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Rosedall wrote: "I think Scene 1 introduces Silas and Malina’s relationship first, Scene 2 introduces their faith and beliefs first, and Scene 3 introduces the world and its rules first. My personal favorite is Sce..."Yes, I was trying different angles to see which I liked more, but I could see benefits of each. I probably do prefer Scene 1 too because their relationship is the story.
Presley wrote: "I’m assuming the first and second will lead up to the third, so I was gonna say the third one, but I’m not sure anymore 😅 I like all of them, but I think the second or third? Idk it’s kinda hard to..."Originally, I wrote Scene 3 first, but felt like there wasn't quite the connection I was going for, so then I kept backing up. ha ha
