Project Mayhem discussion

Last night I recieved a phone call from my dad. I could tell by his tone that he wasn't calling to shoot the breeze. He informed me that my cousin had died of an overdose. Needless to say I immediately fell apart. My cousin had battled with addiction for quite a while. Last year he was convicted, again, for purchasing and possession of a controlled subsance. He ended up spending time at the state pen. After that he checked himself into rehab. After rehab he lived with my Grandmother who kept him busy and in check. He had signed up for an outpatient rehab group in the small town my family is from. On the roster of this group, next to his name, it said "The judge's son". My uncle is a judge but never pulled ANY strings to lessen the punishments my cousin was to recieve from his arrests. Long story somewhat short, he moved to the city where his sister and brother-in-law live to escape the stigma, work, and stay clean. Yesterday, he didn't show up for work. My cousin went to his place to check on him and found some other kid just hanging out, and my cousin was lying dead. The autopsy results aren't back yet but we suspect oxycontin or heroin. It really doesn't matter. I am still trying to understand why he relapsed. Perhaps he never quit. Perhaps he gave into "peer pressure" and thought he could handle it. We may never know. He made a bad choice and now he is gone.

Okay, now that I've told my story, I would like to discuss the ever groing problem of drug abuse. I feel it becoming epidemic. More and more overdoses and deaths are occuring, or at least we are hearing more about them. Besides the rampant amount of street drugs, the drug companies keep coming up with new ways to curb pain, make people happy, etc. Another problem I see is people becoming addicted to these medications given out by doctors, then being cut off and then the addict turns to the street.

I guess the question that I've rambled and ranted my way to is this: What are your feelings about addiction, perhaps drugs in general, and have you experienced or dealt with addiction or the loss of a loved one because of it.

So tragic! And, I am sorry to hear you are dealing with that.

With 3 kids I can't even grasp the idea of one of them living the life style of an Addict. I can't imagine that loss!

What really works to detour it? Does anything besides luck? It crosses over into every class. You can't raise them assuming that they will "just say no!"

If, anything works I want to know now.

My condolences for your loss my friend.

Addiction is, I think, a term that gets thrown around too much. 2 out of every 3 marijuana users is under 18, and they are labeled as marijuana addicts.
A dependence on chemicals is part of being human. We are all addicts and slaves to something.

That being said, I think there's 2 parties to blame for the quite obvious epidemic of substance A-buse.

1. Pharmaceutical companies are the enablers, from the psychological ad campaigns that show you how care-free people can be on Valium, to the cutting of corners when it comes to research and proper side effects testing.
2. The disinformation campaign waged by the US government, as well as other capitalist, Judeo-Christian governments to keep the nature of certain naturally-occurring substances out of the mainstream knowledge database.

I don't even have children, but i always thought it was common sense that the more one prohibits and makes rules, the more people are likely to want to experiment and break those rules; thats just human nature.
It seems to me that the most direct route is the most effective one. Educate kids about the incredible diversity in topics such as sex, drugs, diseases, society, culture, etc. The more they know, be it positive or negative, will help.

I think people need to stop lying to their kids.

I agree. That is why it is such a difficult topic. My children are all under 9, and I wonder how to talk about these things and when?

Thanks Nom and Gabers,
It's true. There are all kinds of addiction out there. Be it drugs, including alcohol and tobacco, food, sex...pick your poison I guess. So I see your point Gabers, stigmatizing someone as being an addict is a bit hypocritical as we all are addicts of something. Addiction to a lot of things can or will cause harm to the body.

I don't know if I should even write anything about blame now because I'm currently blaming a lot of people, including myself. So as I see your point, sorry,(even though I kind of started it by talking about drug companies and doctors) I'm gonna skip that for the time being.

While I agree that educating your kids on the subject is important, it doesn't always work. I guess it depends on how and when you go about it. Just saying "Don't do drugs. They're bad for you." isn't enough. And I know that is not the education you are talking about. You're right, demonizing drugs is a dare just like telling a toddler not to do something. They're gonna do it just to show you. Unfortunately for the abusers, they get caught in their own "I'll show you" or "So What" attitudes and they fall prey to their habits, and it becomes hard for them to escape. I obviously don't have an answer on how to educate kids. My cousin and I had many a conversation over the past year or so and somehow, even though I tried to help him with support and love, it wasn't enough. Perhaps I was a day late and a dollar short.

Ooops I'm about to start ranting again so I'm gonna stop, but I hope some of this made sense. I'm in a really weird place right now.

Thanks again

No at this juncture, ranting might be a good thing for you, dealing with what happened.

On the blame thing--though, as human beings sharing a planet I think being frank with each other and taking responsibility for how we interact, enable and participate in the lives of others is crucial. However, one thing I learned going through my own drinking issue, is bottom line I made the choice. I shifted course. I went through hell, and I paid in many ways. My point is--only one person has ultimate power over what I choose to do, and that is me. The people in your life can participate, but only to the degree you are willing.

Making a life change is not a matter of trimming the hedges. It is about digging out the diseased roots.

Anyway, I send you and your family love. You know where i am, if you need anything!

Father,
Sorry about your loss. It is difficult to understand why these things happen to some while others seem immune. I find it hard to blame drugs, alcohol or any other exterior force for our failings as individuals.

I, along with the rest of the world, have had some cross to bear. I have experienced severe weakness of spirit at various times and have succumbed on occassion. But, I always made it back. I don't know how or why I made it back, but I did. Suffice it to say, I have no answers as to how to overcome any addiction.

I think the answer lies within each of us in how we view ourselves, our family, our friends and our life's purpose. Best wishes to you and your family, my friend.

Stephen, that was lovely. Thanks for posting that.

I agree...everything can only be seen and understood from personal experience, but something I learned watching that Dennett religious debate that Slugs posted...even though we can only experience things for ourselves, we can come together to share those experiences to better understand our own.

To say that differently, it's cool to see such different opinions about addiction. I agree with Stephen, it's not a matter of the external crutch, it's an inner-voice or a personal demon that needs to be addressed. What I DO believe is that you can overcome addiction by rerouting it or by realizing and harnessing that you are a powerful being.

My dad was/is an addict and I think that some of the things that helped him are:
1) Knowing you'll always have an addictive personality...most people do. That doesn't just mean you get addicted to stuff fast, but it means other things that people don't usually put together. For instance, these are people who always think they are right or know more than others. People who want to be impressive to others, or who need validation in some way. People who are competitive. People who don't practice delayed gratification. Even people who are religious, military, and stuff like that are really prone to these behaviors because they put a lot of the responsibility for themselves on another entity.

2) Know that it's not just a mental or an emotional need, but addiction (of any sort) is physical. It's not just junkies who go through withdrawals, stop eating sugar right now and you'll be surprised at yourself. Even on Oprah the other day this mom took her child's video games away and he literally had the mood swings, spaciness and drone-like behavior that drug addicts portray in rehab.

The physical part is really broken down in the What the Bleep Movie. I'm telling ya'll...watch it!

3) Get a change of scenery: Hanging around the same people and places and being in the same relationships (marital, friendships, employment, etc.) may not steer people to get into negative lifestyles, per se, but it can keep them in it.

Funny thing is, my Dad got a divorce, got fired, filed bankruptcy, foreclosed, and got swindled by people he trusted...best things that coulda happened to him. Really forced us to start fresh. Now he's got an awesome wife, is drug and alcohol free, owns 3 businesses and is generally just plain happy.

So I guess for me, the question is, if it's genetic or due to peer pressure or even if it was juuusst an addictive personality getting in the wrong place at the wrong time? Why have I never smoked cigarettes or weed a day in my life? All of these things should result in me being at Betty Ford right now, but I'm not.

I think this is mainly because we have to redefine "Addiction" and not limit it to hard substances. Also we should look at just why our government thinks it's OK to be addicted to sugar, tobacco, alcohol, MSGs, etc. but not weed or other things that they can't monopolize?

Thank you all for your comments and condolences. I started this thread for a few reasons, not just to tell a sad story to get sympathy. 1)I needed a way to cope with my experience. And in writing and reading what you've said has helped, thank you. 2)I have seen too many people going down the wrong path, so to speak, and wanted to see how you all felt about it. 3) To open up a topic that, as you have all written about, is a much broader situation than I originally thought about.

I'm gonna try to keep this short, but, your responses have made me think about life, addiction, and abuse a bit differently. After talking with Sophia (thanks for your shoulder :-). ) and others, I am undertanding more about the issue. It does seem that everyone has some type of addiction, habit, or whatever you want to call it, that can cause harm. Be it physically or mentally. I agree Sophia, with addiction of any sort, that it is physical. "What The Bleep Do We Know" really shows that, I didn't make the connection before you brought it up. The way the mind works with our bodies, making us crave or do certain things is amazing. My new neurologist is sending me to a therapist that specializes in retraining the mind to help or stop physical conditions. From what I understand, it is a bit like what they talk about in the movie. I will probably start a new thread once I get in to him.

It is curious that we categorize certain individuals as addicts when we all are in fact addicts to something. It's also interesting, as far as drugs go, that they were all legal until the government felt threatened by certain groups or races of society. So why aren't other things stigmatized as much. Yes, there are groups for pretty much every type of other addictions you can think of, but, you don't hear of them as much.

I guess it all comes down to this; yes we all have our own issues to deal with. How we deal with them can make or break us. Some people are able to retrain themselves others aren't. Many times a harmfull "addiction" is merely replaced by another. It has been reiterated in my mind that we can't control the actions of others, and perhaps to a certain extent, ourselves. Where addiction comes from is a mystery, be it inherited or inherent. Placing blame on someone or something has made me look in the mirror. Is it possible that a good look at ourselves can help?