Writer's Group discussion

I should say this is a long story. But it's a good example of how to find sore spots of a story. Other aspects is to define style. I like it to take a certain turn for the better...

I only have the first five chapters. I'll check back with them. I like to get any feedback of any criticism you got.

This story was called 'Envy'. It's a romance and science fiction struddle I am putting together. Ouch... be kind. I like flattery.

:)


Envy


prologue


Freud once said something considered acceptable but wise once he had taken notice himself in love and other parts of his mental ego and used past experience he considered relevant and started a subject. At once he created arguments for everyone to remember and so they could diagnose their own dreams. He used dreams if you say he did and kind of vice versa. Freedom of thought must have been invented by another fellow, one who had worried about politics.
__My brother was a character who had always bought his time while he had it to spend as a worthy candidate and opponent. I’m not clear on what would have happened if he had not had that component or that edge of his personality. It would be like him for his luck to run out before he went into his teens. In ways he graced his youth with univocal splendor. A kind of thing happened to him to make him shine in everyone’s eyes. I fell under a cloud opposite his high score.

***

Days diluted into months. How did they I remain unsure. Grateful with some changes had gone on. One day I was alone with my parents and living at home. I felt sharp but hidden. Like a carcass that had no sleep. I rose mornings to go to school. There wasn’t anything left for me. I had become determined to leave school one way or another. With or without a diploma. Yet staying and going to school trips to visit college site’s had passion for me. But I am a blue collar I said, and no classes of history will make me visualize my world under a different light. Michelangelo said "A man paints with his brains and not with his hands."
__I don’t wish to talk about my feelings. No, why when what are, are not something mortals as myself would care to hear. I wake; day and night I lay wondering if I lived in a society saw fit for living. I rest with a heavy arm tight under my head back resting. I sometimes have the energy to pull off the cover and answer the call. Others days my best I can actually drag myself round until without missing what I fear is missing. My life has filled with a wall of family plaster and cracks those that hide what are hidden and while me, I am exposing my rituals. I am the spark of family photographs that hung to replace my lack of enthusiasm and leave their other rewards untouched.

I posted it's rest of 5 chapters; so if you belong to these groups you can read and see if it will be made more funny as I add the other chapter. Thanks.

http://writerminder.proboards80.com/i...