Dangerous Hero Addict Support Group discussion

I admit, I do find an appeal to a sexually aggressive hero. But sometimes, he can be too much, in my opinion.

Can a hero be too sexually aggressive for you? There is no right or wrong answer. We will treat each other with respect, even if we don't agree.

What makes a hero too sexually aggressive to me:

1)He shows he doesn't care about the heroine's feelings or pleasure
2)He treats her as a sex object/sex toy/warm body, and he could be that way with any woman--she's not special to him at all.
3)He's forcing her to do things she doesn't want to do. He's really kinky (that's for me). Doesn't care about her needs and her comfort level.
4)He is willing to share her with his friends/family/random guy. I don't read erotica. I read romance with a couple that is committed to each other only, so this is not for me in a romance.
5)His attentions border on being physically abusive.
6)I don't mind a forced seduction scenario, but if she's not into it, then I think it's not forced seduction anymore, and I start feeling uncomfortable. That becomes not about sex, but power and domination, in my opinion.


When I see these, I start getting that ick factor feeling.

What are your thoughts?

I have found myself often thinking that the hero needs to slow down. So many are ready to jump in the sack less than two minutes after meeting the heroine. I know that sex sells but come on! I love a good sex scene too but I much prefer a tender, meaningful love scene over just sex.

And apparently sex is a cure all. No matter how bad the hero or heroine feel (even after being shot, stab or ran over by a car) sex is on their minds. Get real. I love my hubby but if I was just shot I'm NOT having sex. I like the ones who cuddle and care for the wounded one no matter what their sex drive tells them. Though, realisticly, I doubt I'd want anything but pain pills and for NO ONE to touch me.

But like many things involved in a story a lot depends on the author and how she/he pulls it off.

I agree with most of your list, Danielle. I'm okay with forced seduction/dub-con depending on how it's written. I really dislike out-and-out rape, which thankfully isn't commonplace in romance anymore. I don't really know why they thought that a hero raping the heroine was somehow a sign of his virility back during the bodice ripper era. I'm not a huge fan of erotica or multiple partners in the same scene, but I don't have any issues with kinkiness or BDSM.

Truthfully, I think it really depends, as Pamela said. It depends on the author and the characters. If the hero is really aggressive, but the heroine is this shy, timid little thing and it makes her uncomfortable, then it would probably make me feel the same. On the other hand, if the heroine gives as good as she gets, it doesn't bother me so much. You know what I mean?

Pamela wrote: "I have found myself often thinking that the hero needs to slow down. So many are ready to jump in the sack less than two minutes after meeting the heroine. I know that sex sells but come on! I love..."

lol, in a lot of books, after the hero or heroine gets shot, etc. they want to have sex.

Sex wouldn't be on my mind either.

Personally, I feel like the line is crossed when the hero wants to try anal sex. It's like the next step in erotica, I guess, but eww.

I also know that there are people who enjoy the D/s relationships, but some of them are so crazy, with a really pushy hero forcing the heroine to do something out of the comfort zone.

The whole consensual rape thing is so shady. How does the heroine's body suddenly feel desire to be ravaged by her captor or something? Biologically, that doesn't even make sense, since a woman's mind and body need to work together to function.

And I totally agree with Pamela, about comforting the heroine with sex. Seriously?

Pamela wrote: "I have found myself often thinking that the hero needs to slow down. So many are ready to jump in the sack less than two minutes after meeting the heroine. I know that sex sells but come on! I love..."


I agree with you, pretty much word for word, Pamela.

Nisha wrote: "Personally, I feel like the line is crossed when the hero wants to try anal sex. It's like the next step in erotica, I guess, but eww.


-That's what I was getting at when I said he wants to try kinky stuff. LOL.

I don't think a woman would want to have sex with a man she just met who has threatened her, period. I've seen this in some books. I'm iffy about it. I think the writer needs to show a buildup of tension in the story where you can feel the mutual attraction, and see why things might lead to getting physical sooner or later. I don't like insta-sex storylines, generally. I can't think of too many exceptions that won me over, really.

Please continue to post your thoughts on the first question. I wanted to add a question to this post.

How do you feel about the Energizer Bunny Hero? He wants to have sex all the time, and can go all night? Is that stretching your suspension of disbelief? Do you wish all romance novel heroes were this way? Again, no wrong or right answer.

Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote:"How do you feel about the Energizer Bunny Hero? He wants to have sex all the time, and can go all night? Is that stretching your suspension of disbelief? Do you wish all romance novel heroes were this way? Again, no wrong or right answer."

I think it's nasty for a hero to want sex 24/7. Even the energizer battery dies. I could be wrong, but I don't believe that a man can last hours, not even with the little blue pill.

The hero would ruin a heroine's body if all they do is have sex.

In my opinion, there's a difference between sex and love making.

I doubt real bunnies make love. They have sex.

Funny, how an energizer bunny hero can go at it all day long, even without a condom and never gets a woman pregnant.

That's true for me as well, Sammy. I tend to dislike the romances that are all about sex. If the sex showcases a powerful chemistry and dynamic in their relationship, and it's plentiful and ties into the story, that works for me. I do think that sex is a good thing and an important part of a loving relationship, but it's not all the relationship is. If the book makes me feel that if you took the sex away, there'd be no relationship, then I am not going to be in love with that book.

For me, the sexual healing plotline can crash and burn very easily.

I just wanted to add that we're talking about books that have a strong sexual component or love scenes. But, I love many romance books with no sex, and the author was able to show strong chemistry b/w the couple. On the downside, a book can have no sex and I can still feel the hero is just out for sex or just has a physical attraction to the heroine w/o love in the picture.

Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote: "I just wanted to add that we're talking about books that have a strong sexual component or love scenes. But, I love many romance books with no sex, and the author was able to show strong chemistry ..."

I agree.

I feel a real love relationship is more than just sex. I mean bully for those guys who can do it 7 times in one night! What if something happens and H/h can't have sex for x number of days/weeks etc? Will they be able to stand each other? Do they find comfort in each other's presence? Will the one who can have sex be able to control themselves? No I'm not in support of the little energizer bunny. He has his place but it's not in true romance unless its the honeymoon or something :)

Arch wrote: "Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote:"How do you feel about the Energizer Bunny Hero? He wants to have sex all the time, and can go all night? Is that stretching your suspension of disbelief? Do you ..."


Good points, Arch. I know that there are times where you don't want to have sex, but you still want to feel intimacy and connection. I like books that show this, like Pamela was getting at. That's why I love the nursed back to health theme. The H/h sees the h/H at his or her worse, but falls for them anyway. They can care for each other and show their feelings through their actions.

I like a good love scene, I won't lie. But I'd rather the good love scene that matters to the story be near the end of the book, if that's where it should be.

Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote: "Please continue to post your thoughts on the first question. I wanted to add a question to this post.

How do you feel about the Energizer Bunny Hero? He wants to have sex all the time, and can..."

Outside of paranormal where my suspension of disbelief is in full force anyway, I think it's very unrealistic when the H/h go at it all night and the hero is ready to go within seconds of finishing. I like a good sex scene as much as the next girl, but I think you really can have too much of a good thing in this instance. I'll take plot over sex any day! That's why I'm not really into erotica. For me, it's all about the tension and build-up. That pretty much flies out the window if there's a sex scene every few pages or the H/h have sex shortly after meeting.

I read a romance not long ago and I counted 6 (SIX) sex scenes before I was even a third of a way into the book and it wasn't even 200 pages long! I eventually just started skipping the sex scenes and there wasn't much left of the book after that. Unless I'm specifically looking for erotica, I find that highly annoying.

Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote: "Arch wrote: "Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote:"How do you feel about the Energizer Bunny Hero? He wants to have sex all the time, and can go all night? Is that stretching your suspension of disbe..."

I like the end of the book love scene too.

I wanted to say that I like what I call an extra-horny hero under some circumstances.

1)He's careful of the heroine's comfort level and she's willing too.
2)If he was celibate or a virgin, that makes sense.
3)Paranormal--like Harper, I'm able to suspend disbelief if it's a fated mate scenario.

I don't like the extra-horny hero who's trying to get into the heroine's pants on first sight, and doesn't even know her name or care. I've seen it done well, but it's hard. Or the extra-horny hero who we see crawling out of another woman's bed at the beginning of the book. Yuck! Although I can think of one exception that I liked despite this: The Dark Highlander.

Probably one of my favorite extra-horny heroes was in Lord Ruin. He cracked me up!

I LOVE the sexually agressive hero!

Nisha wrote: "Personally, I feel like the line is crossed when the hero wants to try anal sex. It's like the next step in erotica, I guess, but eww.

I also know that there are people who enjoy the D/s relation..."

Ewwww is right lol
Ewww

Lord Ruin?
what a name lol

Lord Ruin is something else. :)

Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote: "Lord Ruin is something else. :)"

lol
Danielleeeeeeeee how are you doing?

Sharon, you're such a sweetie. I'm tired and a little bored right now. But, I can't complain. :)

Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote: "Sharon, you're such a sweetie. I'm tired and a little bored right now. But, I can't complain. :)"

But that means you have some time for yourself?
You are usually just going and going

I'm trying to clean out my email inbox, and it's really boring. But I've made progress.

Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote: "I'm trying to clean out my email inbox, and it's really boring. But I've made progress."

You have some time off?

Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote: "I'm trying to clean out my email inbox, and it's really boring. But I've made progress."

I have when I have to clean out my email box. I have a lot of emails that I have to delete.

Nope. I'm at work. But just an office sitting day.

Hey ladies
I'm jumping in here, my first comment actually, but this discussion struck me.
Personally, I love a sexually aggressive hero, but there's a fine line between coming on and forcing himself on. Consentual rape - that reads like an oxymoron to me. It's more like the heroine agrees to be 'ravished', lets put it in those terms.
The hero can be sexually aggressive, but there needs to be this buildup and tension like Danielle said, and the hero has to get the heroine into a 'willing' mindset along his foreplay/seduction start.

As for what Nisha said, and some of Danielle's comments too about the heroine not being comfortable, it pays to note that most of the time, the kind of D/s relationships portrayed in erotica is mostly of the fantasy'kind of realm. Real D/s life is very far from how it is portrayed, for example the whole 'I'm a Dom and I wanna share my sub with other Doms'. Real D/s couples either go ROTFLOL or screaming with anger when they hear that particular storyline. D/s is about trust first and foremost, not just obeying someone, which most erotica writers make it look like. And where there's trust, there's SSC, which is D/s lifestyle's motto: Safe, Sane, Consentual. Quite open to interpretation within a D/s couple and that's where the trust issue comes into play.

Energizer bunny hero - another lol. Personally, a man who goes on all night sounds like the perfect one-night-stand. A whole relationship like this: does that even stand the chance of holding the line?

There's a lot of exaggeration in erotica, and sadly, romance too. Romance is real, it should be realistic, though not literary boring or hum-drum.

Okay, I'll be off before I post a whole expose! Love the group, Danielle! Great job with it

Thanks for joining us, Z. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate the insight about D/s. I don't really know much about it.

I know Danielle and I have discussed my issues with the overly alpha male - I have real issues with emotional abuse trying to masquerade itself as something else - and that can certainly come into play in situations like this.

I must admit I've never read a rape scene that the heroine is supposed to be in to, so I can't really comment on that other than to say that I can't imagine the appeal.

I have no issue with multiple partners (Amy Lane's Little Goddess series handles this beautifully) nor do I object to D/s relationships (yes it's tame, but BDB's Vishous is a sexy Dom). I'm also a M/M fan, so I don't have a lot of limits regarding consensual content. Basically, as long as all participants are in to it, I'm okay with it.

I can accept the Energizer Bunny affect at the beginning of a relationship - because that's the high of a new partner. However, if I'm not reading erotica (and I don't read a lot of it), then don't make masquerade your book as something other than an erotica book if your storyline has no other purpose than to get us to the next sex scene (I'm looking at you
Ghostland LOL - sorry, I know her series has its fans, but I couldn't finish it).

=)

I can totally see your issues with the uber-alpha hero, DH. I think it's all in the execution for me. But generally domineering jerky heroes make me want to pull my shovel out--to beat them over the head with it. LOL.

I really don't like having my time and money wasted reading a sex book masquerading as a romance novel. Big annoyance factor for me.

Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote: "I can totally see your issues with the uber-alpha hero, DH. I think it's all in the execution for me. But generally domineering jerky heroes make me want to pull my shovel out--to beat them over th..."

Lol, can I come along and bring my shovel too, Danielle?

Sure!