Q&A (and brownies) with J.J. Murray discussion

I am looking for opinions, since we are all romance writing inclined. I think I will get great analytic answers.
What is worse, emotional betrayal or physical and can a relationship be saved from it?

I see your point,loose chicks need love too. It is the society's undermine that has us believe modern women have to wait for their one and only. She looses her respect if she is not. While the man can be and do almost everyone except I think another guy. In fact it is a forgone conclusion that a man must have skills. So that is the catch.

I don't like indecision however I realize it makes good conflict.

"Lana" was a fun character to create ... and for some readers to hate. I knew she would be a target, but I kept on.

A reader shredded her (and me) in a letter, calling Lana a whore (and worse) and me a pimp (and worse). I wrote her back since I'm Scotch-Irish and never back down from a fight. I asked her for specifics, and she wrote that she expects romance to be IDEAL, not REAL. "It's my escape," she wrote, "and I don't want to escape to a world I wouldn't want to live in."

As for this topic, I fully believe emotional betrayal is much more damaging, even devastating, to a relationship. My argument:

We're animals. We don't think. We get urges. We don't think. We drink too much. We don't think. We're in the wrong place at the wrong time. We don't think. We let things go too far. We don't think ... and in a split second, sex happens. This form of cheating involves lack of thought.

Emotional cheating, however, involves an abundance of thought and often a great deal of obsessive daydreaming. In a court of law, emotional cheating would be called "premeditated" and get you a longer sentence.

Physical cheating is a crime of passion, a crime of opportunity. Emotional cheating is a crime of the mind, soul, heart ... those things that don't mend easily.

That is my dilemma; I think sometimes emotional betryals can be worse than the physical ones. I have all these good and bad thoughts about my characters outcome. This of course was after, I went through days of distress because, one of them is a cheater. I wanted them to be the "happy couple". Every time I tried to write that it was felt wrong.

As for your character, J.J. that book is on a to-read list. She was the person you needed her to be for the story. I totally get that.

As a writer, I realize I won't be able to please everyone who reads my work. But as a reader, I want the author to write the story I thought I was buying. I can relate to the fan that said it was too real for her. I am sure you got critical readers who claimed it wasn't real enough.
Readers are so fickle and indecisive.

It is hard sometimes to believe you are writing a story everone will love and understand. Then to get haters and hater mail when it is put in public.

I will also like to and that there should be an e instead of a t on the topic title. The original was supposed to The worst revised to which is worse.

It was said in the bible a man sins in his heart. It is a bad paraphrase and I apologize. But how it was explained to me is once a person thinks of doing a bad thing, the sin of thought is equal to the action.
I think once a person let's there thoughts be known, they can be socially condemed for them. It is only dealing with the court system that actions are held accountable more than thoughts. With the exception of conspiracies.

What bothers Jack the most in I'm Your Girl? He feels he is "cheating" on his deceased wife by starting a new relationship too soon after her death.

Both characters in Too Much of a Good Thing worry they are "cheating" on their deceased spouses, and several of their children chafe at this emotional betrayal.

As for what lands people in divorce court (according to statistics), half of all divorces arise out of money troubles. Hollywood/novels/the media have boosted up the cheating aspect of divorce so much that folks forget the "little things" that do most of the damage to marriage in this country.

For sheer drama's sake in a novel, sure, infidelity is the way to go. I had some fun with that in Something Real. By the way, the real-life Ruth and her second husband are flourishing just fine out in California now. Her first husband (Jonas) is still a turd.

I get that especially in these difficult economic times.Money is the root of many evils and murders.

I felt that if Jack and the other two characters of Too Much of a Good Thing didn't feel a little guilty, it would lessen the new relationship or make them a little trivial.

I think my feminist ideals are messing with my story. I know this is completely gender bias but it is always the woman who forgives or concedes and I am having trouble with my character just doing that.

I don't think I have read a story where the man is forgiving for emotional or physical cheating; in fact it is quite exceptable for the guy to chuck the woman aside and find someone new.

It is always the woman who is supposed to be understanding, light and goodness willing to work out the problem.

I also realize that is not the truth in the real world.

If you want to read a good book with a female cheater, read The Shattered Rose by Jo Beverley. It really deals with the consquences of adutlery in a way that I felt was very interesting.

I will be honest, I hate cheating in romance novels. I have issues because my father was a serial cheater. It takes me out of happy romance land into real life. I read romance for escape. Now, I will make an exception when a device is used that I dislike, and it's done very well. But, by and large, I avoid those devices such as cheating, death of children, main character dying because I don't want that kind of angst in a romance story.

JJ, I love your books and your writing, but I will be honest with you. I probably won't read Can't Get Enough of Your Love. It breaks my rule for a romance, no sleeping with others once the romance story starts. Please don't be offended by that. I am sure you did a great job. Having said that, I know better than to read a story that I know I won't like, and then send the writer of it hate mail. That's silly, immature, and pretty inappropriate.

To answer your question, I think the physical betrayal is pretty devastating. I agree with JJ that we are animals, and our urges overpower us. But, that doesn't get us off the hook. If you are a human who tries to do the right thing, then you have to listen to your conscience when it tells you that you are doing wrong and betraying someone who loves you. So the emotional aspect is entertwined with the physical for me. You knew better, but you did it anyway. That makes it even worse.

I guess they are about the same for me. Although I think premeditated betrayal ups the ante for me.

Lana was a "what if?" character. What if a woman had three men in her life simultaneously? What if all three men were parts of her ideal man? What if they found out about each other? What if she had to make a choice?

I try to write novels first, romance second. Yes, my contract states that I must write "multicultural romance," but I never let romance get in the way of a good story ... :)

I think a writer should write the stories that call to them, even if it doesn't always make others happy. I'm glad you do that, JJ.

I'm in full agreement with Danielle and Eugenia, here. I'm very glad that you write not simply what calls to you, but how it comes to you.

I agree with you guys as well. A writer should have the freedom to write the story they have to tell. We shouldn't be pigeon-holed into one genre. I tend to bounce, from mystery to romance to paranormal to sci-fi and one of this days I will even try erotica. I don't think I can develop as a writer if I stay in one group.

Yes, when you "dabble" you may develop as a writer and find what you're really good at writing, Jo, but once you are published, your editor will pigeon-hole you into your genre and expect you to continue in that genre.

I have five novels that Kensington has passed on over the years. They were all IR, but they weren't traditional romance (not that I actually write traditional anything). They rejected a magical realism novel (during my Toni Morrison wanna-be phase), a paranormal (ghosts and ghouls galore), a crime/suspense (think Elmore Leonard and Get Shorty), a 100% sweet (think the last drips of Kool-Aid in the pitcher)romance, and a coming-of-age novel. "These aren't J. J. Murray novels," I was told.

Yes, I've been trying to break out ... but they keep pulling me back in!

So I liked the Godfather films. Whaddaya gonna do about it?

Perhaps to them those novels weren't 'J.J. Murray' type novels. You've probably already considered this but I'm gonna throw it out there anyway. Have you considered writing under a different nam?
Most of the time I write as Naomi James but I also have a second pen name b/c THOSE novels are just too hot for 'Naomi' style. I'm sure that keeping the two styles separate will matter once I get a sizable fan base.
*glances around nervously*
Ummm that's not an indicator of Dissociative identty disorder is it? lol

I am not big time.

IR is a sub-genre. That's a given. It's not going to make anyone rich, hence my day job. When I wrote those other novels, I was creating sub-genres to a sub-genre. It would take a pretty picky reader to pick up those books. Sales. Dat be da bottom line.

As for the pen name:

My agent is still shopping the magical realism novel (The Waking) since both of us feel it's my strongest "literary" effort. We both realize that it would have to be "written" under another name, and I'm cool with that. Yeah, it's that different. My main character is a mixed-race, recovering heroin addict haunted by a Doppelgänger (literally his talking conscience) while working on an Ohio River paddle-wheeler. Yeah, um, that's not a J.J. Murray novel at all.

Though it does contain copious amounts of mirth and mayhem :)

I have some lovely rejection letters that go something like this: "While the writing is strong and the story is moving, we're not sure where we'd put it on the shelves in the book store."

Someday ...

I've just re-read this thread. Um, how did we go from emotional/physical betrayal to Doppelgängers?

This is fun!

It is the Industry's fault, they break our hearts all the time.

If I were you I would pull a Nora Roberts and use a pen name. Just to get my work out there and not confuse the book sellers when they want to place the book.
I know it sounds easy but I doubt it will be.
The story sounds interesting definitely something I would read. Doppelgangers are the next bump in the night creature, to be written about. I haven't read many books with them. Vampires, Were-creatures, witches and faeries have been done to death.

You other books sound awesome, JJ. I'd read them. Doppelgangers fascinate me (and scare me).