Happily Ever After Cafe discussion

Tomorrow is my 24th wedding anniversary. It hasn't always been a bed of roses but we both knew it took both of us to make it work. We are still working at it.

I once thought if you made through so many years it would become easier but that isn't true. A marriage is something you work at through its entirety. It takes both parties to make it work. There is no one-sided happy marriages. And someone always has to give. That doesn't mean the same person gives in all the time. It means you have to pick the battles. Give in occasionally and let the other have their way. That doesn't make you weak. In fact, it makes you stronger.

God willing, I'll have another 24 years with him and I hope it goes smoothly but I also know it won't always be easy.

Happy 24th anniversary to you and your hubby. Nothing worth having comes easily. A marriage of 24 years is something very special and something you should be very proud of achieving. I always say that the good ALWAYS outweighs the bad -- have a great day remembering all the good and special times you've shared together. Here's wishing you two another 24 years of wedded bliss!!!!

Happy Anniversary, Pamela!

Hubby and I just celebrated out 16th two weeks ago, and I totally agree with what you said.:-)

Congrats, Julie! My hubby has to work tomorrow :(

He's semi-retired and normally just delivers mail on Saturday but the guy had some things he needed to do so hubby got a few extra days this month and our anniversary is one of them. That's no problem, though, 'cause it brings a few extra $$$ into the household :)

Thanks, Pamela! That's too bad that your hubby had to work today, but extra money is always good.;-)

Congrats Pamela and Julie! I'm celebrating my 4th wedding anniversary soon as well on the 24th :)

Thanks, Alycia, and advance congrats to you too.:-)

Thanks Julie! :)

thanks everyone and an early congrats, Alycia.

Thanks Pamela! :)

Just found these posts, so sorry if i'm repeating things but....

2nd November I will be celebrating my silver wedding anniversary!!! Unreal. I totally agree with Pamela's comments. In fact I believe the hard work doesn't begin until you been married a while... it gets harder not easier. I love my hubby to pieces, but it is hard sometimes not to take each other for granted, to still put in the time to our realitonship, to not use past history as weapons to hurt each other.

My brothers are both on 2nd and 3rd long-term relationships and have asked me recently (when planning out celebrationary dinner) what has kept me and hubby together. In our family history only TWO couples have made it this far in their first marriage, me and my great-aunt!!! So, I have pondered this, cos it is different for every couple. But for me and mine I would say 2 things. First, we make each other laugh. That has been essential in the highs and lows we have faced. Second, we have learned to accept each other. Many people give lip-service to this, but do they truly mean it? It has taken nearly all our 25 years together to finally realize we are who we are and no matter how much we might secretly wish or expect change it ain't gonna happen. And thank God for that. Otherwise where is the stability in an ever-changing person? The problems arise when our expectations change or get unrealistic.

I can truly say (now) that I love my hubby as he is, not how I wish he would be.

Sorry for going on, but I am really proud of making it this far with my hubby because my family is chock-full of failed marriages, abuse, alcoholism etc etc. And we have successfully steered a path through it all and are still happy!

You have every right to be proud. So many ppl go into marriage thinking if it doesn't work out then....

I went in knowing it was forever. I'm from a broken home myself and I think in a way it was that fact that made me determined to make it work. It's not always been easy and calling it quits would have been easier. So many times I've had to be the one to back down but that's okay because I know it saved us many times. I try to focus on hubby's good qualities and, yes, he has a bunch. He is very supportive of me, always ready to pick up the slack if I'm not up to it, and he does have a sense of humor. He is great with children and animals. He doesn't drink or do drugs or even curse but he is stubborn and determined to get his way all the time.

LOL! Ditto. Are you sure we're not married to the same man?? Hahaha. My hubby has a touch of Aspergers so it is difficult for him sometimes to relate to me emotionally. But now that we understand why he is the way he is, it is easier. When we were 9 years married we seperated (time-out really) for six weeks, before we got back together, we both decided that if we were to continue in our relationship (which we both wanted) then divorce was off the table, permanently. If we had a problem we would work at it. And so far it's worked. It is actually kind of freeing to have that security. But it is also far too easy to take it all for granted, which he does more than me. But what I love about him is that he is willing to work at it even though expressing himself is very very difficult for him to do.

That is what keeps me going when I feel a lack of passion or romance. He does shock me now and then though... for our last anniversary he dressed up like a naval officer and came in to my work PUBLIC LIBRARY(!), my co-workers had organised it with him to play the theme song from An officer and a gentleman, and he presented me with a single rose! Shocked does not begin to tell you how I felt. I threatened him not to pick me up (I am no lightweight) and carry me off but he had arranged for me to take the rest of the day off and we went home for a lovely ;) afternoon.

Rare those things maybe but they mean a hell of a LOT.

lol, hubby is retired Navy. Not an officer but still looked really good in his whites! He hasn't done anything I'd really consider romantic in years. He probably thinks he's too old (51) for that stuff.

Hah! My hubby was 49 when he did that. I told him in a 100 years our descendants are gonna be so confused, he was never in the armed forces! He's a psychapaedic caregiver for the physically/mentally handicapped.

And you're never too old. Even if it's just fish n chips on the beach after walking the dog. It's all in your perspective I guess.

lol. I think our daughter might put a damper on things at times but I wouldn't trade her for the world. We were unable to have children and adopted our little girl in our early 40s. She's 10 now and is with us all the time except for school. So a lot of our time is taxiing her around. We rarely let her out of our sight. Too much happening to our children these days.

Yeah I hear that... time is very precious with your little one, I am so glad to hear that you have a little girl to bless your life with. My children? have all left home (24,23 and 21) and for a while I have struggled terribly with the empty nest syndrome. We have always had children (my hubby and I got married when I was 5 months pregnant and we had only been going out together for 1 year and 1 month on our wedding day!!! - call me hussy). So it is all I have ever known as I got married at 20, first child 21, second 22 and last 23! But both my hubby and I are now thoroughly enjoying having us to us.

I was married at 25. I'd always wanted children but it wasn't to be the normal way. We did foster care for many years and even exchange student a few times. But we have our little "angel" now.

And she is all the more precious because of your struggle. Enjoy every moment (good and bad) because before you can blink she will be an adult. Make lots and lots and lots of memories.... Bless you and yours

Wendy

Its our 28th wedding anniversary and despite my husband having work commitments I still got a dozen red roses this morning and I cooked him his favourite cake.

Despite the normal ups and downs I so glad the magic is still there after all these years. (We actually have been together for 31 years in total). And with our first grandchild due in September more blessings yet to come.

That's Awesome, Lisa! And Happy Anniversary!

Congratulations Lisa! Very happy for you and your husband. ^_^

Thanks Ladies.

Happy anniversary!

Neat, Lisa! Happy Anniversary.