Maximum Ride...ROCKS! discussion

Don't you write a chapter in your new book and you want someone to tell you what they think? Well here either post the link or the story then people comment on it. With CONSTRUCTIVE and RESPECTFUL critisisim it will help you with your book! Rules: No copying, rewriting or doing ANYTHING with someone else's book without their permission, you have to be NICE, and honest because if you tell someone it's good and it's not they'll probably try to persue it even MORE and then they'll get their heart crushed by one of the tough reviewers.

I walked along the sandy beach, scared, alone. My long blonde hair flew in front in front of my face the blue streak standing out in front of the orange sunset. My emerald-green eyes bored out onto the ocean, looking for something; I didn't know what, but for something. It was so cold in maine with ripped jeans and a long-sleved shirt under a grey hoodie, my backpack carrying one blanket and some food. My black converse stood out on the sandy almost gray sand.

"Hey, are you old enough to be out this late?" called a voice behind her. I was annoyed, this is why I ran away people always annoying me with stupid questions like that I thought. "It's only 8:30" I retorted. "So, what are you eleven?" The voice from behind her resoned. "Pssh sure, I'm 15! How old are you?" I was pretty sure it was a boy. "Hmmm let's see what's the date? oh yeah, I'm 16" The voice called. "So you're a minor also? Cool... what's your name?" I reckoned he'd say something like Spike, or Rocker. "Ryan, what about you?" Ryan said. I was negotiating with myself whether to say my real name, Melissa or not, I was on the run aren't I? "Mel" It was a compromise. "So Mel," Ryan had caught up to me. "Where are you going?" Ryan obviously a nosy little weasel. "I don't know, I think I'm walking to florida where it's warm." I was beginning to wonder my self where wAs I going? "Pssshh goodluck, but same here i don't really know...i just was tired of my parents telling me they know best, blah, blah,blah,blah,blah! Ryan was going on a rampage it seemed. "Omg me too lol I know" I was beginning to like this kid...

I walked down the beach with Ryan and I got to know Ryan. He grew up with 4 siblings 1 older brother 1 older sister 2 younger sisters, twins. He never got any attention on the GOOD things he did like get an A on his report card or get his drivers license he only got attention on the bad things. Like getting a D in math or crashing a dirt bike. I could so relate to that, with being middle of 2 annoying brothers.
When I looked at ryan his spiky, brown hair his vans the camo cargo pants and his black hoodie the deep blue eyes that seemed to bore into my soul. I had this feeling that I knew him from somewhere maybe in a past life now Im not all into all that voodooyish stuff so thats crazy coming from me but its just this feeling, I know Im being all mushy and stuff but its awesome and nothing can describe it when he looks into my eyes and smiles at a cheesy joke i popped thats so stupid its funny. I'm not in love but it feels like he's a long lost non-annoying brother or something...

Well we started right on the East Coast of Maine. By the time it was dark and we could barely see in front of us, we decided to go to sleep. No one was out at the beach but to be sure we went to the rocks and took shelter in a cave. I heard a beep then a glow hitting Ryan's face. He was looking at his watch, it said 10:30. We must've walked about 5 miles.
"Are you cold?" Ryan asked casually. "Not really, you?" I was lying, saying that. I was cold but i had like dug an opening in the sand and the sand was still warm from when the sun glazed it all day yesterday. So that's where I would sleep. "Little bit, i'm setting my alarm for 6:30, right at dawn so that we can get going before huge crowds get here." As Ryan said this he was acting very smart and mature "Okay, we should sleep behind the rocks, just in case some morning joggers decide to take a stroll into the scarier part of the beach." I was trying to be all bold and smart, like Ryan saying that but now in hindsight, it just sounded abnoxious. "G'night" With the wave of a hand And friendly gesture we both fell asleep.
I wakend by the soft buzz of Ryan's watch. I tossed my hair out of my face, cleared my eyes, stood up and straighened out my clothes. Ugh I hate sleeping in jeans, you get all hot and sweaty and stiff. I looked around the cave. Ryan was gone! His watch was on the rock I was sleeping by. I was shaking with fear. I just met this kid, but he was the only person that I could do this with and I don't want to do it alone. I searched through the cave, nothing. I went out of the cave, grabbing the watch as I went. I saw human tracks, heading down the beach so i folowed them. Around the bend there Ryan was sitting, not alone but with two kids. A girl and a boy, they both looked about 13.

"Hello, I'm Mel, i see you've met Ryan. So what are your names?" I said in a very efficent tone coming up behind Ryan. They were sitting in some kind of like circle. All sitting criss-cross-apple-sauce. (otherwise know as pretzle sitting or indian sitting) I startled Ryan, he looked up at me in like, I don't know, amazement? "I didn't think you'd get up!" Ryan exclaimed. The kids just sat their with their heads slightly tilted looking, excuse me, i think the proper word would be examining me. "Why wouldn't I when I thought you'd been kidnapped thanks for the note." I was mad and sarcastic. "I didn't know you cared that much about me" Ryan retorted.

"So anyway theese kids are..?" Mentioning to change the subject was of course me! "I'm Rosie, I love animals!" The perky girl said. She was about 4, 7" Blonde hair with natural brown highlights. Her hair went down 2 inches after her shoulders. She had a sidebang,and was wearing reqular athletics tennis shoes. Jean shorts,brr must be freezing. and a purple hoodie with a college logo. "I'm Seth, and following what my sister said I love video games" The guy next to her said. He had bleach blonde hair, spiked in to a mini mowhawk where he still has hair on the sides of his head but theres some spike going on there. but the same brown eyes his sister has. Wearing baggy-black pants with a gizillion pockets; his grey hoddie fit right in with his green vans. "SO how old are you guys?" I questioned, probably sounding like a cop instead of a runaway. "We're siblings, I'm gonna be 13 febuary 5." Seth replied "So like 4 months? Cool"I said with fake enthusiasim. "I'm going to be ten next month"Rosie spewed very excited as I observed them. "Are they runaways, as well?" I asked Ryan. "Yea we are, we ran away well pretty much because our parents didn't care. Like we never got presents for our birthday or 3 meals usually just 1. CHild's protection agency never came and we weren't going to wait any longer." Seth said actually more like ranted... I don't think he was mad for himself more of his sister. Rosie smiled mishchieviously. "Our neighboors needed to be taken to jail for the things we saw them do. But we didn't have a phone so we tried to get them back." Rosie said like it was if you were saying So nice weather. Seth smiled too. "Well I'd love to sit here and talk but i'm a bit chilly so want to walk and talk?" I asked. "Sure" Ryan Replied.

For a while we walked then stopped at a picnic area off the coast of the beach. I fished around in my pockets and back pack for some food. This is what I came up with, A stick of lip gloss, a can of soup,and a bag of chips,7 water bottles and a pack of granola bars, a few apples and a notepad with paper, my wallet. ( a few reciptes, 2 nickles, 7 dimes, 13 pennies,50 dollors in my wallet) Rosie and Seth emptied their pockets, I was surprised at their load. 90 dollars, A few gold necklaces, big gumbo pack of dried fruit split into baggies, dried meat, bandages, pens, pocket knife, rasins, bobbie pins, (Seth explained, quote "For picking bad people's locks),maatches,and paper. I felt bad for Ryan. All he brought was a bottle of water and a bag of chips. We spread out all the food. We each got half a water bottle, half a bag of chips, and a bag of dried fruit. I have to say it tasted yummy!

We walked eveen more, gosh I was tired. We finally stopped at like 9:00 and found a cave. I spread out my blanket and invited Rosie to come sit by me. "I know you like Ryan." She whispered. That caught me off guard. "I can read minds, don't tell Seth I told you he doesn't trust anyone." She caught me even more off guard with that one. Okay tell me what I'm thinking then , I thought. "Okay tell me what I'm thinking then." She replied. Ohmigosh. "Oh my gosh," She replied casually. Hmmm this could come in handy. What powers does Seth have? I thought. "Teleportation." She whispered. What?! I thought. Yep, and don't worry you'll get your share of powers soon." Rosie said very casually.