Terminalcoffee discussion

As a graduate of SJSU, I feel it's my duty to introduce you to a tradition begun in the early 1980s, in which writers are encouraged to submit for judging their most purple prose.

This year's winner of the Bulwer-Lytton fiction contest (named for Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, who penned the infamous, "It was a dark and stormy night...") is a Seattle, WA. woman who wrote the following:

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss--a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil.

Lovely, eh? See more at their EXTREMELY SUCKILY DESIGNED website.

I thought the sentence someone posted in response to this at Gawker.com was so much better:

And with a curiously moistened plop, Glenn Beck’s salmon penis (now limp and exhausted) removed itself from the eye socket of George Washington, slaveowner.