1000 Jokes discussion

Okay, I know some people dont like to read dirty jokes, so I am making a new folder for them.

A married couple were waiting for their fifteen year old son to come home from a friends house. When he came home, he said to hisparents, "Mom, Dad, I just had sex for the first time ever and it was great!" The mother looks at he husband and siad, "Well, he's your son, you talk to him." and then she left. The man looks at his son and says, "Son I am so proud of you that I am going to buy you that new bike you've been wanting. I just hope you dont mind waiting until payday to get it." the boy looks at his father and says, "I couldn't ride it now anyway, my ass is too sore..."

:P anal. lol. one of my gay friends sent that to me

dirty BLONDE joke :D ahaha the best

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.

Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor.

You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"

The barman says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III."

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits."

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits?" "Why kill a blonde with big tits?"

Bush turns to Powell and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

IKR? XD LOL

there was this man that walked into a bar and he noticed there was a 12 inch pianist playing a piano. he walks up to the guy that owns the place and says that is the most beautiful music i have ever heard. then the guy that owns the bar says go around to the side of the bar into the alley and theres a magic lamp. there you can wish for anything you like. so the man walks around to the side of the building and goes into the alley, there he sees the magic lamp. he rubbs the lamp and a genie pops out and the genie says………i will grant you one wish. so the man thnks about it fo a moment and then says i want a million bux nd the sky got all cloudy and dark and it started raining a million ducks! so the man runs into the bar for shelter and he walks up the the man that owns the bar and says…….i just wished for a million bux and that stupid genie gave me a million ducks! then the guy thats owns the bar says well do u really think i wished for a 12 inch pianist?

i copied this off a site so sorry for the bad gramer but it's not my fault.

Two male medical students are examining a sperm sample through a microscope. A girl student enters the lab and notices the surprised boys.

Girl: “Hi, what are you guys doing?”

They look at each other during an unconfortable silence.

One of the boys: “We’re looking at … umm … saliva.”
Girl: “Oh, good. Can I see it?”

The boys let the girl take a look. In a few moments a professor enters.

Professor: “Hi, what are you guys looking at so intesively?”
Girl: “It’s a sample of saliva.”
Boys: “Er…”
Professor: “Excellent. May I take a look?”

Professor takes off his glasses, takes a quick look at the microscope and smirks.

—“Miss, maybe you should clean your teeth more carefully…”

lol. the 2nd ones best

lol thts funnny...