Writers Unite discussion

Title:The Realms
rating:teen
Summery:Hidden away for many millenia the Realms have been made known. When a power source sparks interest once again which realm will survive? Who can protect them?
By: Janelle (Me)

A breeze was light, gently flowing through a near empty valley that held only an old house and a tall water tower. Over head the sky was clear, with the stars watching a young women walking quickly with her unusual soft turquoise eyes set on her destination; the old home. With its large dingy windows, screen door hanging by a hinge, paint curling all over the home, and the porch light threatening to go out it was uncertain why anyone would head to the house.

As she stepped up the porch steps with the boards groaning in age, a light appeared behind the woman. Turning she saw it started to grow bigger, rings being added with every second. The light was bright and noise was coming from somewhere on the other side, screams and laughter. At that point a teenage girl appeared jumped through the rings. Besides the rags she was wearing, the girl was strikingly pretty, her brown hair hung gently down to her shoulders, past her flawless face, her unusual bright green eyes were shut, and arms around a bundle. Slowly the girl opened her eyes and sighed with relief.

“I was nervous, that was the first time I did a planet to planet portal,” the young brown haired girl said getting up carefully. “You have no idea how hard that was without any one noticing! But on the plus side Ivy is still asleep!”

“Oh yes that’s a plus side Brook! You’re planet is being destroyed, and none will probably survive but all is fine because Ivy is still asleep! No need to worry!” hissed the first woman throwing her hands up and she talked. She stalked down the porch steps to stand in front of Brooke.

Brook shifted uncomfortably. “Well if she was awake she would have been screaming for mother and they would have know I was getting her off the planet.”

Setra sighed. Brook was to young of a fairy to be dealing with this kind of thing. Setra stepped down from the porch and laid a hand on Brooks shoulder leading her a little ways from the house. “Its alright Brook. You did what you needed to do.”

“Do you think I’ll ever see my parents again?” Brook asked quietly. She shifted her young sister to her other arm.

“I m sure you will,” Setra said avoiding the young girl’s eyes. The King and Queen of Kaia would most likely not make it. They were most likely the Five of Destruction’s first choice of who would die that night.

“You don’t have to lie to me.” Brook sniffed. Setra looked at the young girls and saw the tears streaming down her face. “Their dead. You know it but don’t want to make me upset. Well I already am! My realm and Planet are being destroyed as we speak. And here I am on Earth standing under a pretty sky, not listening to screams or,”

Brook halted, just now realizing the screaming had eased from the other side of the portal. Eyes wide she looked at Setra then to the portal. The portal was no longer bright with light, but seemed to ooze darkness. Five figures stepped from the portal, all covered in dark cloaks. Brook gaped squeezing Ivy to her chest. One of the figures stepped forward, obviously the leader.

“Brook!” He said in a mocked hurt voice, “You didn’t say good-bye! We are very offended.” The two women saw a smile play on the leaders lips underneath his dark cloak.

“Brook get to the house,” Setra hissed through clenched teeth.

“So we begin,” The man said. He raised one pale hand and the portal closed behind him.

Setra moved fast, she didn’t transform to her other form, but her magic was still strong. She raised a shield over herself, Brook, and Ivy. With the small advantage Brook took off to the house. Growling the leader sent a burst of dark light towards Brook. She dodged it easily.

“It is me you want Carden!” Setra screamed, trying to distract him. Carden, the leader, spun back to Setra. “I know where the power lies!”

“Stupid pixies.” He laughed taking a step to Setra who was struggling to hold the shield. Setra was powerful, but Carden and the others had such a power it was hard to remain steady with them around. “You always sacrifice your self for others. It won’t do any good. Daray, Circe, get the Kaian child.”

Two of the clocked figures detached themselves from the remaining two and advanced on Brook. Setra had no choice but to try and keep Carden engaged.

Behind them Daray and Circe had run after Brook, but she had made it up the steps of the porch. Power vibrated off the porch wood giving strength to Brook, she wasn’t quite certain what protections her parents had put on the house, but she was grateful her parents had created to house for a time like this. She knew however it would protect against a witches power.

“I vill get zee stupid little pixie.” Brook recognized the voice as Daray’s. Thinking quickly Brook held her hand out and stuck it up so it face the sky. A pink bubble began to grow and stretch from her fingertips. When the bubble was big enough Brook thrust her little sister into it and prodded it off to the side. Looking back at the two witches Brook raised both arms to the sky.

In a shower of light Brook began to transform. Her rags disappeared and were replaced with a shimmering green dress. Sparkling wings grew from her back. A crystalline crown glittered on her brow. Wit ha new jolt of confidence Brook looked at the two witches.

“I hate the race of Fae.” Circe’s breathy voice whispered, she sauntered forward just at the edge of the old home’s steps. “Always so cocky and confident.”

“Is it much different for Wicca?” Brook asked smirking. Hissing Circe stepped forward, only for a shockwave of some sort to snap toward her.

“Calm yourself Circe,” Daray said. Circe looked at Daray then back at Brook replacing her outraged expression with a composed and taunting one. “She’ll come to us.”

Behind the witches Brook watched as Carden struck Setra down. The older fairy struggled to get up.

“Setra!” Brook shouted. She began to descend the steps.

“No Brook,” Setra ordered weakly. “Stay where you are.”

“That’s right,” Carden said bending over Setra. He grabbed her throat and yanked her up. “Now Brook, give me your sister or I will kill Setra here.”

“Why do you need to have my sister?” Brook asked. “You can have me.”

“No!” Setra gasped. Carden’s grip tightened.

“Oh we will take you,” One of the other cloaked figures laughed.

Brook raised her hands and brought them down quickly. “Vinever!”

Quickly sprouting from her palms thick ropey vines shot from the dusty earth behind Circe and Daray, snaking their way to where Carden stood with Setra in his grasp. The vines wrapped around Carden’s ankles squeezing tightly.

“Ambrose!” Carden ordered. The cloaked figure that had spoken earlier snapped his hands out. Ice daggers shot toward Brook. Shrieking Brook stepped back, the vines disentangled themselves from her hands and Carden’s legs. The shards of ice raced forward before the invisible force surrounding the house struck them down. Thinking quickly Brook cupped her hands whispering urgently into them.

A glowing orb appeared in Brooks hands she saw bright light and the Solarian Council in the orb. She knew they could see her.

“No!” Daray shouted when she understood what was happening.

“The Five!” Brook screamed into the orb.

“Amdis bring her to me!” Carden snapped at the other man. Brook looked one last time at her sister, still sleeping in the bubbles protection. Facing the witch-man coming at her she raised a hand power vibrating from them. On her back Brook felt her wings pumping, slowly gaining speed. Taking flight Brook hovered inches off the ground. Wetting her lips she continued up quickly, covering her head as she burst through the covering over the porch.

“Amdele!” Brooke heard Circe shout from below her. A shaft of darkness beamed into the sky arcing toward Brooke. The young fairy delivered a counter spell before spiraling down straight at Carden who still clutched Setra in a deadly grasp.

“Stupid child,” Carden grinned shooting his free hand up and slamming it down just as abruptly. Immediately the atmosphere changed. A wave of illusion washed forward embracing Brooke who stopped mid flight and fell heavily to the dry ground rolling in pain and screaming at things that were not there. Turning his attention away from Brooke, Carden smirked down at Setra who was growing paler. “You see? You all are nothing. The Fae are weak, as are the Chosen. Wicca will soon rule under The Five of Destruction!”

“Little fairy try to fly, little fairy now to die,” Daray mocked kicking Brooke’s still shaking form. The witch splayed her fingers out and began reciting a spell. Blue sparks rained down on Brooke who began writhing in pain once more.

“With her it dies,” Setra choked out weakly, “you will not succeed.”

“Just watch me,” Carden said dryly. He nodded lightly to Daray who pulsed her hands sending larger sparks down on Brooke’s quickly fading body.

“This is how you plan on gaining power is it?” a deep voice asked. Carden growled in annoyance spinning around bringing a gagging Setra with him. Standing in front of a powerful looking sun portal was a tall man, muscular, yet clearly not as young as he ought. His light hair had a silver tint to it, light blue eyes years of wisdom.

“King Easton, Ruler of Solaria,” Carden mused he looked over the kings shoulder to the disguised sun portal. The kings wife was most likely on the other side making sure the brightness of the portal would be concealed for wherever the king chose to land. “You could have just waited in your kingdom I was just on my way.” Carden looked sharply back at Daray who had stopped torturing Brook. “Though it appears my accomplices are soft in heart.”

Daray snarled sending a bolt of lightning down onto Brooke who merely clucked softly. Ambrose and Amdis stood off to the side resisting the urge to shake their heads at how provoked Daray could get.

“Yes I see,” King Easton replied softly. He stroked his bare chin and looked to Brooke’s near lifeless form and Setra’s pleading eyes. “Yes.”

“Don’t try and send reinforcement’s,” Carden told the king. “I see your portal and can just as easily kill you and whoever so chooses to cross through.”

“Oh I know Carden,” King Easton said with a nod. “You are a young Warlock with all this power and you enjoy showing everyone what you can do. You are but what nineteen?”

Carden snorted. “To the mundane humans,” he snarled. His face became stoic before a small smile crossed his features. “One hundred to mine own kind. Older than you I imagine. More powerful as well. We all are.”

“You see that is what I do not agree with,” The Solarian King said sadly. “You are nineteen in everyway, in about six, seven months time you will be twenty and so on. Your kind do not defy what this galaxy accepts and is like.”

“But we can be that way,” Carden smiled. His handsome face turned from the king and back to Setra. “You are what? Fifteen years older than I? And here I am holding your life in my hand.”

A sudden bright light steeped through the air causing Carden to lose his grip on Setra who thrashed away crawling to the feet of the Solarian King. Shielding his eyes from the sudden burst of light Carden turned painfully around. Illuminating the whole valley was a the large orb like structure of a portal with a hundred Fae and Chosen marching out, defiant expressions littered there faces.

“Chose now,” King Easton said softly. Carden snapped his attention back ot the arrogant king then to his coven. Ambrose and Amdis were shielding themselves from the bright pain that was engulfing them, sun light never did bode well with the Wiccan race. Circe huddled near them the girl undoubtedly scared. Daray had fallen over Brooke’s body not quite ready to give that up yet.

“Daray telroto a ge Fae, kolo!” Carden barked. In a flash Daray was gone as was Brooke.

“No!” Screamed Setra, though her voice was raw, she tried to run to Carden but the King stopped her. The Fae and Chosen of the new portal advanced quickly to the remaining Five, but Circe vanished on the spot quickly followed by Ambrose and Amdis.

Carden locked eyes with Setra. “Little fairy you will die.”

And he was gone.

Voices roared. Fae began throwing bursts of light that sparked and sizzled. Chosen rammed swords into the ground lashing whips and cursing. Sinking slowly to the ground Setra clutched her stomach. She had failed.

“Silence!” King Easton ordered. His subjects hushed attention to there. “Huro get word to my council, they will know what to do. Brook of Kila has been taken by the Five.”

A Chosen stepped forward his sandy blonde hair dangling in his eyes. He nodded and dashed back to the portal.

“The rest of you,” the King continued. “Believe me when I say this, it is not over. The other realms must be warned. You all know the danger. The Kings of the other Realms of Fae Dimension shall meet and discuss. Until then return home to your parents.”

“Lord,” a Fae asked her wing twitching with anger, “they have Brooke. They have her. We all know what they plan.”

The girl choked back a sob and a few other girls laid hands on her shoulders comforting her. Setra looked at the younger girl, she was Brooke’s age, it was easy to see.

“Brooke does not have it,” Setra whispered. The King looked down at the woman.

“Setra?” he questioned. Everyone hushed and a sound gave them pause, the terrified cries of a young child.

((cHAPTER ONE Or more like a prelude/prolouge))

I would love contructive critisism, full honest truth!

My main worries-

-Sounds a bit immature
-Is just plain aweful

PLease let me know!-

This is just my review of the first part. I was overall very impressed with it! Your descriptions were great and i could see the scene play out very clearly in my head. Other than a few typos and a couple bits that need clarifications, it was very well written! I'll hopefully be able to finish reading what you've posted by the end of today. Great job, Janelle :D


"With its large dingy windows, screen door hanging by a hinge, paint curling all over the home, and the porch light threatening to go out it was uncertain why anyone would head to the house."- This bit had amazing description in it. I was amazed about how clear a picture you put into my head :)

"...past her flawless face, her unusual bright green eyes were shut..."- Ok I might be reading this wrong but how can the woman tell what color the girl's eyes are if they are shut?

“I was nervous, that was the first time I did a planet to planet portal,” the young brown haired girl said getting up carefully. “You have no idea how hard that was without any one noticing! But on the plus side Ivy is still asleep!”- I'm just a bit confused by this part. I feel like you may need to reword this to make some things a bit clearer. Did the girl just come through a portal from another planet?

"You’re planet is being destroyed...- 'you're' should be changed to 'your'.

"“Their dead. You know it...- 'Their' should be 'They're'.

"Two of the clocked figures detached themselves..."- I think you meant 'cloaked'.


I can't wait to read more!

Yay! Thanks, I do realize there were a lot of mustakes I printed the chapter off and worked on it for a four hour drive, I noticed a lot needed to be changed. Thank though for telling me what you thought!

Have you written more of The Realms, Janelle? I'm dying to read more :D

oh yeah I m working on the second chapter, its taken me a while but I have an idea to get it going.