Writers Unite discussion

(: ok so i started working on this book last year during the school year, but i never had the time or ideas during the summer. so now i need your help! plz tell me what you think of what i have so far and what i should do next or go back and change. thanks you all in advance for your comments, help and advice. :)

The Dream

Beep. Beep. Beep. The sound of my alarm clock woke me out of my hazy dream. I can only remember a little…
I was on top of an old abandoned building down the street, just standing, then there was a sudden flash of lightning and I jumped from fear. And I realized that I was sailing, floating, rocking peacefully with the wind, flying high. But the strangest part, I was calm; I had a sense that I was safe. It was where I belonged…
Of course, I wouldn’t realize until later what that dream really meant.
I got out of bed and grabbed my brush. I began hacking furiously at my long, brown hair. After that I took a quick shower. I came out smelling of wild roses and frosty air. I jumped into my school uniform, a blue plaid skirt; a white flimsy button up blouse; and my white knee high socks. I slipped into my chair at the table just as my mom served me up some scrambled eggs. I quickly ate the eggs and went back into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I grabbed my backpack and slung it over my shoulder as I headed out the door.
I was freezing my butt off by the time I reached Mike’s house. Mike has been my best friend since we first met in kindergarten and we walk to school with each other every day. I hopped up the stairs to his house rang the doorbell and waited for Mike to appear. He was next to me in a flash and we were on our way.
“Hey, Mel?” Mike yawned as we waited for the crossing guard to say it was clear to walk.
“Yeah Mike?” I replied waiting for the question of the day. I tore my gaze from the sidewalk and my walking feet. He was smiling at me with his perfect white teeth, his big blue eyes shining. Mike has blue eyes, blonde hair, and dimples when he smiles. He is basically every girl’s dream and I am lucky enough to be his best friend.
“If you could choose a super power, what would it be?” Now, let me tell you, it caught me a little off guard. I mean Mike always asks me something on science, math, or history. Never once did he ask me a question like this.
“Why do you ask?” I said looking up at him still smiling at me.
“Well I had this weird dream last night… I was walking across the main road when I noticed a car speeding at me. I knew I wouldn’t make it, but then something strange happened. The car went right through me and when I looked down I didn’t see anything. I was invisible…” At this point I was totally freaked out. How is it that Mike and I would have ten same type of dream? I decided to keep my dream to myself, assuring myself it was just a coincidence.
“I guess I would want to…fly,” I answered back, thinking of the dream I had the night before and the calm feeling that overtook me during it.
I stopped walking crept out by what was happening, I shook my head trying to rid myself of the weirdness. I could sense something wrong.
I was feeling better by the time we got to school. We searched the crowd for our friend Sarah. When we spotted her waving at us we went to go talk with her.
“Hey! Melanie!” my best friend Sarah shouted at me. She grabbed my arm and gave me a slight shake. “Come on girl! It’s time to wake up. We have a major test first period for Mr.Teged. We need to be wide awake in case he throws us any curveball questions,” she warned.
“Huh? Oh, hi Sarah. Did you say something?” I mumbled.
“Ugh. Never mind. You are so hopeless,” she sighed. “What is with you? You’re so out of it. I’ve never seen you like this,” Sarah continued.
“I’m fine. Did I seem weird to you on our way here Mike?” I turned to look at him questioningly.
“Well…kinda. I mean once I mentioned my dream about being invisible-“
“Wait! You had a dream about being invisible?” Sarah asked turning to face him. “That’s a little freaky. I had a dream last night where I could run at the speed of light. I was walking alone at night down the block from my house when I saw this black limo driving slowly behind me. After a while of it following me I started to pick up the pace. Then the guy jumped out of the car and started to chase me. He was so close I thought I was a goner. But as I started to run I noticed I was going way faster than usual. So I slowed down and realized I’d run across town in less than two minutes…”
I didn’t hear the rest because I was too busy panicking inside. I was starting to feel nauseous about all of the supernatural dreams going around. I started to wonder if anyone else had a similar dream last night.
Concerned, Sarah asked, “Hey, Mel, are you all right? You look white as a sheet of paper. Do you want me to go with you to the nurse?”
“Yeah you look like a ghost. It’s funny, you had the same reaction when I told you about my dream…” Mike said looking worriedly at me.
I didn’t want to go in because I knew she wouldn’t find anything wrong with me. I figured it was just my nerves acting up so I said, “No that’s okay. I think I’ll just get a drink of water,”
Then everything went black.

Meadow of Tears
My eyes creaked open and saw white walls with doctors buzzing around me. I wondered where I was and how I got there. I was about to ask one of the doctors when I noticed Mike and Sarah in opposite beds across from me. I struggled to sit up, but the doctors put restraints on me. I tried to yell, but choked because my mouth was too dry. I licked my sandpaper dry lips. Questions swirling around in my head…
Where am I? How did I get here? What happened to me? Why can’t I remember anything? Why are Sarah and Mike here?
I turned my head both ways and saw that some of my other classmates were there: Dylan, Beck, Janice, and Brett. After seeing them I wondered how many of us there were. What had happened to us all?
It was becoming more difficult to stay awake, but then I saw the doctor entering the room and I fought against the tiredness. The doctor came over to me first and gave me a look that sent shivers down my back. As my body quivered his stare intensified. It was beginning to worry me. I couldn’t wait any longer I wanted answers. “Why am I here and what is wrong with me?” I whispered through my dry lips. I wanted to break out of my restraints and hop out of my bed. I wanted to be free. I suddenly busted into tears because no one would answer me. I felt like I was alone even though many people were swarming around me. They all stared at me with quizzical expressions. I just wanted it all to go away. Many nurses and doctors were standing around me, whispering to one another like a busy bee hive. The doctor scooted closer and I looked up at him with my glassy, tear filled eyes waiting for an answer. I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay awake much longer because I could already feel sleep coming over me. Then, just as the doctor started saying something my eyelids slid closed and sleep came over me.
The sun was shining, I was in the middle of a meadow with a guy I didn’t know. He had dark brown hair and serious looking gray eyes. Although I could not hear what he was saying, I understood he was trying to tell me a secret because of his drifty eyes. I wanted to laugh, to savor the beautiful moment as I swirled around in the air. Jumping up and slowly, slowly floating down. He took my hand and yanked me down so I no longer could sway. I gazed up at him not understanding why he was looking so intense. Then he leaned in and whispered in my ear. But the sound was still mute and I started to cry. He looked at me with pity in his misty gray eyes as I wept and wept. Slowly, a puddle formed at our feet. I tried stopping, but one look at his grim face would start me all over again. I cried for hours it felt like. When I finally looked up, the mysterious boy was gone and I was no longer standing in a meadow, but standing in a shallow pool of tears.
I woke up with a fast beating heart and shaking hands. The dream was so vivid and seemed so real. I looked around and saw that I was all alone. There were no more doctors or nurses and my classmates were all gone. I was scared out of my mind now. What was going on? I still had no answers. As I sat up I realized they took the restraints off me and I was free to look around. It was only when I got a second look around that I realized my classmates did not leave, I was put in another room all by myself. I went up to the door and turned the handle. It was unlocked.

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I walked around for what seemed like hours, but was only minutes. It surprised me that no one would notice a girl in a hospital gown roaming around the building or that a patient had walked out of her room and could not be found. Nurses and doctors passed by and tilted their heads in acknowledgment, smiled, and kept going. I peeked into rooms and wasn’t all that surprised that I kept seeing the faces of my fellow 9th grade classmates. I thought before that it was just a nightmare, but I now know I was wrong. I continued stealing glances into the many rooms at the hospital. I was trying to find Mike and Sarah as I glanced inside all the rooms. Finally, as I checked in the last room of the hallway on the third floor, I found Mike and Sarah. When I snuck into the room their heads turned to face me. At first they looked groggy and tired, but then I saw the recognition cross their faces as a smile appeared on both of them.
“Hey guys,” I whispered as I gently closed the door behind me so as not to wake up the others in the room. I felt bad everyone was still being held by restraints, yet I was free. I noticed the empty bed that I was held in before. The sheets and pillows tossed and messed up. I grimaced at the thought of blacking out and not knowing how I got here to the hospital. Just as I was about to say how I would try to find a key to get them out the doctor walked in.
“Melanie! We have everyone out looking for you. How on earth did you end up here? There are a bunch of nurses and doctors in the hall searching for you! How did you manage to get out of your room when we locked the door?” the doctor said in a hushed voice, looking startled and unsure of what to do. He walked cautiously toward me as if thinking if he came over too quickly I would bolt.
“It didn’t take much work getting here. I woke up in a new room realized there were no restraints on me, went to the door and turned the handle, walked around the building, smiling at the nurses and doctors walking past me, looked into all the rooms until I found my original room with Mike and Sarah, then explained to you how I got here.” I smiled pleasantly at him. He got the message: we were not friends. There was something about the doctor that I didn’t like, didn’t trust. Maybe it was the frantic movements of his head, or his amber eyes that stared longingly without blinking, or could it possibly have been the fake smile plastered on his face that didn’t reach his eyes making them look like they were filled with emptiness. No. It was him knowing something that I obviously did not and him being too sneaky and cunning to let me in on the dirty little secret. It was the air around him making me detest him even though I do not know him and one of life’s greatest lessons is: never judge a book by its cover. But, in this case, every time I looked at his know-it-all face my chest filled with something I would identify until later- fear of the unknown.
“Well I guess since we are all here we can begin, right? You won’t try to escape again will you Melanie? I just want to have an honest conversation with you to try and explain what it is that’s going on. I am sure you have many questions. So let’s get seated and then we shall begin,” the doctor said still not losing his air of confidence or look of knowledge. I sat in the uncomfortable hospital chair awaiting an answer I was sure would be devastating.
“We realize how bizarre it must seem that a good handful of you were all waiting to go into your school when suddenly everything went black and you somehow ended up here at xxxxxxxxx hospital. I sympathize for you and how you must feel because the questions you have been asking have yet to be answered. Well, the blackouts have a very simple explanation which I am sure even you can grasp the idea of. We believe, because of the intense research we have done on all of your peculiar cases, that there was a strange or even harmful substance in the air and in order to protect you, your systems shut down, thus you blacking out….,”the doctor explained in a condescending voice.

Well, the thing is, TOO many words!!! I will read, as much as I can though.

okay...it's not that readers don't want to see this. there just a certain way of wording it and certain words that can be used. its for the sake of introducing the characters attributes. that way if something different happens in the book that causes this particular "routine" to change, we'll have an understanding why as we've already been informed of the character.

Yeah what T-Rose said. >.<

Oh wellz.

hey guys! thanks so much for your critiques! i havent been on lately to change anything around because i have 4 writing projects all due in two days so i have been very busy! i promise when i have time i will fix everything up and make revisions. thanks again for all the help.

its cool. hey you going to post your projects?

nah they arent writing like creative its all essay and report kind of things... but i have one piece i wrote in language arts i could post...
i'll type it up later and post it, but it isnt the best.