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Oh yeaaaa, and she summons a demon. :)
sounds awesome. definitely on the creepy side with the demon deal (is that your intention?) who's the "she" that summons a demon?
Which idea should I expand on, because #2 seems like horror, tough to write. 1st time, do tell me what one I should expand.
wow...im really not sure. the "horror" one sounds like it'd be mighty fun to read...and the first one seems like it would be real intense. im tempted to suggest that you combine them both which would be absolutely possible if you made that "summoned demon" the one who kills kids. you could make that the lighter element of the bigger picture that concerns julian and company. perhaps they end up having to take down the killer demon/reaper. eeeeesh...do you really want me to choose just one?
Dude! Sounds tight :D I agree it's totally creepy but in a really awesome way. So you're saying that the dad is alive (sorry I just need a little clarification) and I'm also wondering, who gives Julian this power? It sounds awesome Fatima!
Sounds pretty legit. Go for it!
I love the idea! It sounds like it's gonna be great!
I'll defo read this. I think the horror one sounds guuud =)
I think I'm gonna put them together. :)
Sounds cool...go for it.
Thanks.
Lol, I have this crazy new idea, while I'm working with 2, it's kind of weird, but to my amazement my English teacher loves it, wonder why?
But here it is:
Nighttime wasn’t the proper time for a girl to be out. You never knew what was lurking in that little alley, with the dark shadows that moved and sent a chill down your spine. And of course everyone ignores it, everyone has to.
Especially I, the weird lunatic who everyone thinks am a vampire ever since Twilight came out. Damn you, Stephanie Myer with your stupid Twilight! Now I can’t live a proper life without some moron school paper photographer following me with a camera strung around their neck, waiting for a moment in which they can snap that photo of me biting into our new English teacher’s neck.
Not happening any time soon.
So what if I love to stroll down streets at three AM. Nothing wrong with that, it’s not illegal, besides the fact if I pump a stereo with heavy rock music. Nah, I don’t even listen to rock. Most would think I would, but I’m the soft country listener.
What was that quote again? Don’t judge a person by their color or something? Wait, no, that can’t be it, that sounds racist. At least I think it does.
Hmm, I think it was something that included a cover, or whatever. I don’t really care, the fact that I’m trying to prove is that I am not a freaking vampire. Here, bring me that piece of garlic! Okay no thanks, just hand me some garlic bread, and I’ll take it just fine. Or make me stand out in broad daylight. I won’t mind, seriously.
Fine I admit, I might mind after being asked to stand in the middle of the road, with you pulling out a stool, watching me intensely. That would be kind of awkward and err…I might fall asleep standing up.
Epic, no?
Lol, I have this crazy new idea, while I'm working with 2, it's kind of weird, but to my amazement my English teacher loves it, wonder why?
But here it is:
Nighttime wasn’t the proper time for a girl to be out. You never knew what was lurking in that little alley, with the dark shadows that moved and sent a chill down your spine. And of course everyone ignores it, everyone has to.
Especially I, the weird lunatic who everyone thinks am a vampire ever since Twilight came out. Damn you, Stephanie Myer with your stupid Twilight! Now I can’t live a proper life without some moron school paper photographer following me with a camera strung around their neck, waiting for a moment in which they can snap that photo of me biting into our new English teacher’s neck.
Not happening any time soon.
So what if I love to stroll down streets at three AM. Nothing wrong with that, it’s not illegal, besides the fact if I pump a stereo with heavy rock music. Nah, I don’t even listen to rock. Most would think I would, but I’m the soft country listener.
What was that quote again? Don’t judge a person by their color or something? Wait, no, that can’t be it, that sounds racist. At least I think it does.
Hmm, I think it was something that included a cover, or whatever. I don’t really care, the fact that I’m trying to prove is that I am not a freaking vampire. Here, bring me that piece of garlic! Okay no thanks, just hand me some garlic bread, and I’ll take it just fine. Or make me stand out in broad daylight. I won’t mind, seriously.
Fine I admit, I might mind after being asked to stand in the middle of the road, with you pulling out a stool, watching me intensely. That would be kind of awkward and err…I might fall asleep standing up.
Epic, no?
♪♪Fatima♪♪ wrote: "Thanks.Lol, I have this crazy new idea, while I'm working with 2, it's kind of weird, but to my amazement my English teacher loves it, wonder why?
But here it is:
Nighttime wasn’t the proper tim..."
Sounds nice.
I have two ideas. One I know I'm 100% working on but still would love an opinion. Meanwhile the other one I just started to work on but dunno how to explain it 'cause well, it's non-linear. >:]
Heroes are Over With (comic book)
We were made to save the world...we had such potential and look at what we've done...
Finn never wanted to be the villain. His mom always told him the world needed a hero. That he had the potential to be a hero. But after the bombing of his home city, there’s no hope left for a hero. He follows his older brother Wil, half way across the world after the second World War comes to an end. Revenge lingers on all of their minds. Slowly, Finn tries to grasp the idea that revenge will never work. Everybody was dead and there was no chance of resurrections.
Coming to New York City to follow through with revenge seemed easier than anything turned out to be. Wil always came up with plans that never worked. All of them had superpowers but so did the superheroes of the city. And Finn, the strongest slowly finds himself falling away when he meets a girl named Ella who still believes that he can save the world. But Finn starts to realize, he has the potential to save the world but there’s a very dark place in his heart he has to learn to overcome first. After all, he’s saving the people who destroyed everything he ever had.
And that's super long. So I'm not going to post the other idea but I might put the first chapter up here. XD
Heroes are Over With (comic book)
We were made to save the world...we had such potential and look at what we've done...
Finn never wanted to be the villain. His mom always told him the world needed a hero. That he had the potential to be a hero. But after the bombing of his home city, there’s no hope left for a hero. He follows his older brother Wil, half way across the world after the second World War comes to an end. Revenge lingers on all of their minds. Slowly, Finn tries to grasp the idea that revenge will never work. Everybody was dead and there was no chance of resurrections.
Coming to New York City to follow through with revenge seemed easier than anything turned out to be. Wil always came up with plans that never worked. All of them had superpowers but so did the superheroes of the city. And Finn, the strongest slowly finds himself falling away when he meets a girl named Ella who still believes that he can save the world. But Finn starts to realize, he has the potential to save the world but there’s a very dark place in his heart he has to learn to overcome first. After all, he’s saving the people who destroyed everything he ever had.
And that's super long. So I'm not going to post the other idea but I might put the first chapter up here. XD
♪♪Fatima♪♪ wrote: "Thanks.
Lol, I have this crazy new idea, while I'm working with 2, it's kind of weird, but to my amazement my English teacher loves it, wonder why?
But here it is:
Nighttime wasn’t the proper tim..."
XD I have some edits/things to help you with writing.
All right, try to use the word "it" as little as possible because "it" only going to weaken your work. There is ALMOST always a better word to replace "it". Although sometimes, that's your best choice.
Try not to end sentences in the word "to" even in first person. You can have a stronger ending that will continue your flow to keep the attention of the reader.
Don't use exclamation marks in your narrative. Save them for the dialogue but even then, they should be rarely used. Exclamation marks are usually used incorrectly so be careful and don't go overboard.
Try not to make pop culture references. At least recent pop culture references. Reasons why, it's most likely going to date your work. People might now not what you're talking about in the future. Possibly drop using Meyer's name and use the title Twilight. There's a chance there will still be a crazy, a cult "classic" so to speak but otherwise, be aware of the references that you make.
What is the point of you telling me about the music? It didn't make any sense, I was quite confused to what you were conveying and whether or not your narrator actually has a stereo.
Try not to ramble. There's no reason for your character to ramble therefore, move along with the plot. For the most part YA books are not stream of conscious, which you are heading toward at the moment. Make sure every word is weighted. Use your words to your advantage and right now, there's not point to a lot of them. Quickly, bring the reader into the action, develop the plot, foreshadowing and of course, probably most important, the character.
"At least[,]" I think you need a comma there. But I'm not friendly with commas so I might be wrong.
With all the rambling I have no idea where this is going. It's best to keep the plot in mind that way you can build suspense along with tension always keeping the readers name.
Well. Since this is an excerpt in a new idea part of the forum. I wish you the best of luck with writing. XD
Lol, I have this crazy new idea, while I'm working with 2, it's kind of weird, but to my amazement my English teacher loves it, wonder why?
But here it is:
Nighttime wasn’t the proper tim..."
XD I have some edits/things to help you with writing.
All right, try to use the word "it" as little as possible because "it" only going to weaken your work. There is ALMOST always a better word to replace "it". Although sometimes, that's your best choice.
Try not to end sentences in the word "to" even in first person. You can have a stronger ending that will continue your flow to keep the attention of the reader.
Don't use exclamation marks in your narrative. Save them for the dialogue but even then, they should be rarely used. Exclamation marks are usually used incorrectly so be careful and don't go overboard.
Try not to make pop culture references. At least recent pop culture references. Reasons why, it's most likely going to date your work. People might now not what you're talking about in the future. Possibly drop using Meyer's name and use the title Twilight. There's a chance there will still be a crazy, a cult "classic" so to speak but otherwise, be aware of the references that you make.
What is the point of you telling me about the music? It didn't make any sense, I was quite confused to what you were conveying and whether or not your narrator actually has a stereo.
Try not to ramble. There's no reason for your character to ramble therefore, move along with the plot. For the most part YA books are not stream of conscious, which you are heading toward at the moment. Make sure every word is weighted. Use your words to your advantage and right now, there's not point to a lot of them. Quickly, bring the reader into the action, develop the plot, foreshadowing and of course, probably most important, the character.
"At least[,]" I think you need a comma there. But I'm not friendly with commas so I might be wrong.
With all the rambling I have no idea where this is going. It's best to keep the plot in mind that way you can build suspense along with tension always keeping the readers name.
Well. Since this is an excerpt in a new idea part of the forum. I wish you the best of luck with writing. XD
Lou wrote: "I have two ideas. One I know I'm 100% working on but still would love an opinion. Meanwhile the other one I just started to work on but dunno how to explain it 'cause well, it's non-linear. >:]..."
Cool!
And yes, I once again have a new wild idea i may elaborate on!
A new kid moved next door when I was six. I still remember him completely. We were seen together all the time; my mother recalls our friendship as peanut butter and jelly, or just plain glue.
It was a common quote, but as I pry open the lids of old dusty boxes, with pictures of us flying our paper airplanes its hard not to cry. It really is. There’s a ton of pictures there, us going on the merry go round, and sitting on our first roller coaster clinging on each other for dear life, with our mouths wide open, screaming, and probably laughing at the same time.
It was perfect.
Until he moved.
And my life was no longer made to perfection, it was dull and boring. I could pick up the toys we played with in boxes that read Travis and Ally in big sloppy letters. When you turned the box and dumped everything on the floor, you could see the insides of the box, full of crazy artwork. Spaceships, aliens, ponies, and so many drawings with talent and imagination.
I don’t know where it went.
Because I can no longer draw.
A new kid moved next door when I was six. I still remember him completely. We were seen together all the time; my mother recalls our friendship as peanut butter and jelly, or just plain glue.
It was a common quote, but as I pry open the lids of old dusty boxes, with pictures of us flying our paper airplanes its hard not to cry. It really is. There’s a ton of pictures there, us going on the merry go round, and sitting on our first roller coaster clinging on each other for dear life, with our mouths wide open, screaming, and probably laughing at the same time.
It was perfect.
Until he moved.
And my life was no longer made to perfection, it was dull and boring. I could pick up the toys we played with in boxes that read Travis and Ally in big sloppy letters. When you turned the box and dumped everything on the floor, you could see the insides of the box, full of crazy artwork. Spaceships, aliens, ponies, and so many drawings with talent and imagination.
I don’t know where it went.
Because I can no longer draw.
aw....this is a great start to something beautiful fatima. you really have a talent for going in any direction you want with these realistic pieces that you write. this is completely unexpected and fresh, if i may say so myself fatima. you should definitely add to this =)
Lou wrote: "I have two ideas. One I know I'm 100% working on but still would love an opinion. Meanwhile the other one I just started to work on but dunno how to explain it 'cause well, it's non-linear. >:]..."
i particularly like the opening line, "we were made to save the world" it's such a reverberating concept. you should go ahead with this story. in my opinion, it should keep on a very serious, mature nature rather than head in a direction that little kids might fall for. saving the world is a crazy, wild thing...not a kid thing if you ask me. im saying this because i know kids like comics and all that but this sounds like it'd be a novel not a comic. okay i think i've said enough
♪♪Fatima♪♪ wrote: "Thanks.Lol, I have this crazy new idea, while I'm working with 2, it's kind of weird, but to my amazement my English teacher loves it, wonder why?
But here it is:
Nighttime wasn’t the proper tim..."
hilarious
T-Rose wrote: "Lou wrote: "I have two ideas. One I know I'm 100% working on but still would love an opinion. Meanwhile the other one I just started to work on but dunno how to explain it 'cause well, it's non-l..."
That's a common misconception about kids and comic books. Most comic books are either rated for a teenage audience or adults. And even when they are written for a general audience, they are pretty intense. Even in the 1950's. XD
But thanks so much. And yeah, I try to keep everything serious. It's kinda my homage to post modern literature and I recently posted this idea here.
Once again, thanks for commenting on my idea haha
That's a common misconception about kids and comic books. Most comic books are either rated for a teenage audience or adults. And even when they are written for a general audience, they are pretty intense. Even in the 1950's. XD
But thanks so much. And yeah, I try to keep everything serious. It's kinda my homage to post modern literature and I recently posted this idea here.
Once again, thanks for commenting on my idea haha
o no i understand that whole with comics and kids. i agree with you. indeed, it is a common misconception. i only said what i said to because i wanted to put it out there that you know what you're doing. so for the record, i wholly understand the aimed audience.
Oh haha. I always attack people only because I'm protective of comic books. Guilty of being a fanatic. XD
nah, it's cool. and i apologize for the way i worded my earlier statement. i just reread it and it totally came out wrong. i ought to delete it lol
T-Rose wrote: "nah, it's cool. and i apologize for the way i worded my earlier statement. i just reread it and it totally came out wrong. i ought to delete it lol"
Haha it's all cool. XD
Haha it's all cool. XD
Okay so I started off with the story with Julian, Casey, and Marc. Now I think I'm pulling it to another direction. Tell me what you think. Okay so there is a sister before Julian, who died, instead of his dad. And then... he finds out how to go to his past after this guy gives him the power. There he realized that his sister was actually evil, and wanted to destroy mankind. ((He goes to the world with Casey and Connie, another girl, who comes later on))
The other thing is: Death By Curfew
There's a demon/reaper on the loose who kills the kids who leave after their curfew without their parents knowing.
SOOO....tell me what you think!!!