Rejection is a central platform of all networking endeavour. Anyone who doesn’t understand why rejection is such a powerful and yet intricate tool of learning does not really understand networking. Take the word 'networking'. Ultimately its about working a net. If you see a spider building a cobweb, in essence that’s where the term net/web originated from. It’s a concept we have pulled from nature per se.
First the spider pulls one single thread from point A to Point B. And this is the most difficult, most strenuous, most daring, most imperilled venture by the staid spider. Because it is one thread and hanging by that single thread it generally it fails about 99 times before connecting. Because it's so tenuous The actual percentage of success is about 1%.
But the web itself upon completion can be an extremely powerful and extremely intricate construction. In nature, there is nothing that comes close. Man, despite all technological progress cannot match the intricacy and strength of a single cobweb even today. The strength of a single spider thread is still far stronger than the strongest steel cable known to man, if one were to measure it proportionately.
Hence, it is the ideal example to use to describe networking. The first thread fails 99 times out of 100. But yet, this is the basis of the entire network that is yet to come and it will be the strongest thread that spans that space. Upon that single thread being achieved the spider goes back to its centre and then drops again to create another thread. Hence, you eventually see the entire cobweb over a period of time.
Now how does this affect the term rejection? The spider has no ego, it has no pride. It has no intellect in terms of counting how many times it fails. It is focussed on the objective and keeps on striving and trying until it's objective is reached. It can only focus on one thread at a time. But this is how the most complex, intricate, dynamic networks are built.
Hence, you would find that some of the most successful networkers per se, who have been able to completely build huge networks, i.e. 50,000/80,000/ 120,000 people, have done so because they have never looked beyond the next thread/person that they are building upon. This so called simplistic approach is so powerful because there is no expectation, there is no pride in achievement, there is only the next step forward.
So why this fear of rejection? Rejection does not demean you. It does not deride you. It does not deny you. It certainly doesn’t defeat you. It doesn’t even defy you. So why let a single rejection or a 100 rejections stop you.
In the words of a good friend of mine, who is a great networker:
"Rejection is just another gust of wind on my face. It cools my brow and is gone in the next instant. If I know it not, how can it affect me?"
Through rejection though, there is so much to be learn't. In every rejection there is a new lesson.
A rejection teaches you what you should not do next. A rejection teaches you where you went wrong. And therefore teaches you if you care to learn from it, what you should do right. If you can only remove your expectation out of the way; if you can only remove your ego out of the way, then rejection becomes a gift divine. It becomes a true teaching tool.
There is so much more to be derived from rejection than there is from success.
Embrace it and it will guide you. Repel it and you will be forever entwined.
In embracing rejection, you embrace yourself because ultimately there is no single person out there who has the power to move you or change you. Only you possess this.
Hence, individuals or groups that reject you per se are themselves of no consequence. What is of consequence is the lesson learnt therein. The greater the rejection, the higher the mountain.
If one were to look at oneself as a mountain climber, getting angry at the mountain is ludicrous. The greater the challenge, the more there is to clear.
So just as a mountain climber looks for the next mountain you will need to embrace your next rejection. The only thing that you would not want to do is to repeat the mistake without correction. If the same mistake defeats you continuously then it is not the incidents, nor the mistakes that are at fault, but you are.
Embracing rejection without self analysis is defeatism. Self analysis makes a difference. Hence, it is about planning and preparing that makes a difference. A rejection gone by unanalysed is a rejection lost in time.
Which is why the post mortem of every rejection (through practice of Sphere of Silence) is crucial to your next stage.
For me, my morning practice of the Sphere of Silence allows me this unique introspection where I can fit the pieces of the jigsaw of the person that I am and since I am continuously evolving, of the person that I am becoming.
Most people who have spoken to me about rejection, ask,” why me?” As if they have been handpicked for this pain!
For this dismal experience they feel they have undergone was orchestrated by the lord himself. But ultimately we are the architects of our own rejections. I do not mean that we are expecting or designing our own defeat but that we need to plan and prepare for both rejection and acceptance in the same manner.
A rejection merely challenges you. So change it. And if pride has no role to play it becomes that much easier to deal with it.
By Dato' Vijay Eswaran
Rejection is a central platform of all networking endeavour. Anyone who doesn’t understand why rejection is such a powerful and yet intricate tool of learning does not really understand networking. Take the word 'networking'. Ultimately its about working a net. If you see a spider building a cobweb, in essence that’s where the term net/web originated from. It’s a concept we have pulled from nature per se.
First the spider pulls one single thread from point A to Point B. And this is the most difficult, most strenuous, most daring, most imperilled venture by the staid spider. Because it is one thread and hanging by that single thread it generally it fails about 99 times before connecting. Because it's so tenuous The actual percentage of success is about 1%.
But the web itself upon completion can be an extremely powerful and extremely intricate construction. In nature, there is nothing that comes close. Man, despite all technological progress cannot match the intricacy and strength of a single cobweb even today. The strength of a single spider thread is still far stronger than the strongest steel cable known to man, if one were to measure it proportionately.
Hence, it is the ideal example to use to describe networking.
The first thread fails 99 times out of 100. But yet, this is the basis of the entire network that is yet to come and it will be the strongest thread that spans that space. Upon that single thread being achieved the spider goes back to its centre and then drops again to create another thread. Hence, you eventually see the entire cobweb over a period of time.
Now how does this affect the term rejection?
The spider has no ego, it has no pride. It has no intellect in terms of counting how many times it fails. It is focussed on the objective and keeps on striving and trying until it's objective is reached. It can only focus on one thread at a time. But this is how the most complex, intricate, dynamic networks are built.
Hence, you would find that some of the most successful networkers per se, who have been able to completely build huge networks, i.e. 50,000/80,000/ 120,000 people, have done so because they have never looked beyond the next thread/person that they are building upon. This so called simplistic approach is so powerful because there is no expectation, there is no pride in achievement, there is only the next step forward.
So why this fear of rejection? Rejection does not demean you. It does not deride you. It does not deny you. It certainly doesn’t defeat you. It doesn’t even defy you. So why let a single rejection or a 100 rejections stop you.
In the words of a good friend of mine, who is a great networker:
"Rejection is just another gust of wind on my face. It cools my brow and is gone in the next instant. If I know it not, how can it affect me?"
Through rejection though, there is so much to be learn't. In every rejection there is a new lesson.
A rejection teaches you what you should not do next. A rejection teaches you where you went wrong. And therefore teaches you if you care to learn from it, what you should do right. If you can only remove your expectation out of the way; if you can only remove your ego out of the way, then rejection becomes a gift divine. It becomes a true teaching tool.
There is so much more to be derived from rejection than there is from success.
Embrace it and it will guide you. Repel it and you will be forever entwined.
In embracing rejection, you embrace yourself because ultimately there is no single person out there who has the power to move you or change you. Only you possess this.
Hence, individuals or groups that reject you per se are themselves of no consequence. What is of consequence is the lesson learnt therein. The greater the rejection, the higher the mountain.
If one were to look at oneself as a mountain climber, getting angry at the mountain is ludicrous. The greater the challenge, the more there is to clear.
So just as a mountain climber looks for the next mountain you will need to embrace your next rejection. The only thing that you would not want to do is to repeat the mistake without correction. If the same mistake defeats you continuously then it is not the incidents, nor the mistakes that are at fault, but you are.
Embracing rejection without self analysis is defeatism. Self analysis makes a difference. Hence, it is about planning and preparing that makes a difference. A rejection gone by unanalysed is a rejection lost in time.
Which is why the post mortem of every rejection (through practice of Sphere of Silence) is crucial to your next stage.
For me, my morning practice of the Sphere of Silence allows me this unique introspection where I can fit the pieces of the jigsaw of the person that I am and since I am continuously evolving, of the person that I am becoming.
Most people who have spoken to me about rejection, ask,” why me?” As if they have been handpicked for this pain!
For this dismal experience they feel they have undergone was orchestrated by the lord himself. But ultimately we are the architects of our own rejections. I do not mean that we are expecting or designing our own defeat but that we need to plan and prepare for both rejection and acceptance in the same manner.
A rejection merely challenges you. So change it. And if pride has no role to play it becomes that much easier to deal with it.