~Opinions~ discussion

A lot of people are getting divorces all the time and for many reasons. Some just "fall out of love", some has some serious issues (Such as one partner doing drugs, hitting, drinking etc.), some fall in love with another person and so on and so forth.

I personally think that people should have the opportunity to get a divorce if they want one. I also think they should do what they can to safe the marriage, especially if they have kids. I know it depends on the situation. I would never ask someone who was being beated to "try and work it out". More likely, I'd call the police and make them put the jerk in prison or something.

However, marriage is a comitment, and the way I see it it's something that you have to work for.

What do you think? Are you for or against divorces? And why?

I beleive, (yeah, it' in my reelegion, but I think this too), that you should keep it going unless it goes out of hand. You made a commitment and unless ur not having a hard life or are in trouble or whaetever, you shouldn't end that.

I agree that one should do what one can to safe a marriage. But if it's dead, if you don't love each other anymore.... Well, there's only so much a person can do. Can't make yourself fall in love. And living in a marriage without love *shudders* not the best idea I think.

I think if your not happy with it than divorce or whatever. 'Life's too short to waste it on something not worth it' is what I say.

But what if there are kids involved? Divorce can be especially hard on the kids, what with working out who gets the kids when and all that. It can also be hard of the kids when their parents get into new relationships, or if one of the parents moves too far away to visit frequently.

If there's violence in the relationship, however, then without a doubt, get a divorce.

Well, you should think clearly before getting married to a person so that won't happe.

Well they can make arangements. My friends parents got a divorce and her mum moved away from the city. So every week day she stays with her dad to go to school and on the weekends she goes with her mum.

Miss Rayne wrote: "Well they can make arangements. My friends parents got a divorce and her mum moved away from the city. So every week day she stays with her dad to go to school and on the weekends she goes with her..."

It's fine if the kids are mature enough for that, but not all kids are.

My mum and dad got divorced when i was 5, and it has turned out for the best. I think if you arent happy in a marrige then there is no point in staying in it. I think that the kids should be ok as long as its handled the right way.

Amina wrote: "Well, you should think clearly before getting married to a person so that won't happe."

But you can never know that though. You can be insanely in love with a person for years and years, have a relatioship with them, even a kid, and then marry. And you can still stop loving each other. And a person can still be ufaithfull. Or start beating the other person. There's no way of knowing. Sometime it just... happens.

It should be up to the couple involved. Only they can truly know whether or not divorce is appropriate in their particular circumstance.

Gatorman wrote: "It should be up to the couple involved. Only they can truly know whether or not divorce is appropriate in their particular circumstance."

I agree.

Rachel (aka. Kaiserin Sisi) wrote: "But what if there are kids involved? Divorce can be especially hard on the kids, what with working out who gets the kids when and all that. It can also be hard of the kids when their parents get ..."

I think sometimes getting divorced can be good for kids. Hearing my parents fight all the time and not be happy did not help me when I was little, so it was a relief to get divorced. And sometimes when a kid comes from a separated family, it makes them grow stronger and do better at life because they are more familiar with reality.

My parents never fight... they have been together for 19 years and they still act live love-sick teenagers. It's actually a little disturbing ;)

But my friend has parents that fight all the time and they are constantly at each others throats. But they are staying together for her. To me, it seems worse that she has to see this and I think it would be better if they just seperated.

Emma (Consumed by Life) wrote: "Amina wrote: "Well, you should think clearly before getting married to a person so that won't happe."

But you can never know that though. You can be insanely in love with a person for years and ye..."

As I said, if domestic violnce, or cheating on ur partner's concerned, a divorce is fine.

As I said, if domestic violnce, or cheating on ur partner's concerned, a divorce is fine

So you believe that if two people do not love each other anymore, they should still stay together?

Love's in the mind... if you really want to love someone, you can. If you want to hate someone, you can. If you really try, you can keep the relation going. And especially if there are kids involved, you shouldn't spoil it for them, just because there's no 'love'.

I can hear that you have never lived with parents who'd stopped loving each other. Well, take it from someone who has: It's not better for the kids to have their parents not love each other anymore and still live together. My parents tried for 3 years. 3 frikken YEARS. That's a long time. And you know what? That was tree of the most horrible years I had, at least when I was home. It wasb't so much that they fought, they did that too but mostly when me and my brother weren't around, it was just the atmosphere. I didn't like being home in those 3 years. It was too... forced, in lack of better explanation. So in the end, it dosen't spoil it for kids that their parents get a divorce if they do not love each other.

I think it's worse if ur parents aren't togheter.

Yeah, but you haven't tried the other side of it.

I haven't tried that either... I'm just juging frum what examples I have and my own thoughts..

That's fair enough. But let's just say, for the sake of the discussion, that your parents stopped loving each other. That they fought often and bickered and were genrally unhappy. Would you want them to stay together because of you? Would you want to grow up and knoes that your parents stayed in an unhappy marriage because of you?

That it'd most likely be some awfull years anyway, is another matter interely.

No, I think (and I mite sound harsh) that they got into this... so they should get thru.

Amina wrote: "I think it's worse if ur parents aren't togheter."

Trust me, my life and my parents life is alot better after they divorsed. You would only think its better for them to be together if you havent experienced living in an un-happy household, because if you go through the situation were ur mum and dad dont love each other anymore, but still living in the same house, u realise that them being apart is alot better, because i agree with Emma it was horrible when my mum and dad were still living together near the end.

I agree Lauren. So does those of my friends who have divorced parents.

I haven't met anyone who's parents don't 'love' each other. I don't think it's common in our culture...

Maybe not. It is in a lot of countries though.

It might have been an arranged marriage. It still happens in a lot of places and people are fine with it.
Like my cousin. His was sort of arranged. He didn't know the girl and they intoduced eachother. Married for three years and then idk they divorced just recently :(

Mary Who Loves Da Rain wrote: "I hate it when married people have kids and they always fight. If you hate each other that much a) get a frickin' divorce already, you're killiing your kids b) why'd you get married in the first pl..."

Hate is a big word. My parents are divorced and they don't hate each other. They're friends. They're just not in love anymore. And I would hate being the reason for my parents to live in an unhappy marriage. They were together for 16 years or so, and madly in love most of the time. But then they just, you know, fell out of love. Not really something they can decide.

oh that's cool...( ur parents being friends)...my parents hate each other...unfortunately we don't have divorce in our country...so they have to be satisfied with a annulment..which is not really great...

the roman catholic church have a stronghold in my country...and i hate it when they interfere with the county's policies...we even have a congressman once who proposed that a marriage contact should be renewed once a year...of course no one approved it...

Holy crap! Where do you live?

philippines...such a small country with lots of crazy people...and i'm one of them...you should check out the news in my country...we( filipinos) are so childish and immature...even the president and the government officials...
*laughs*.

:o! I'll check it out! Though it'll have to wait, I have guests cooming over in half an hour..

Yeah, if that happens, I think it's better that they get a divorce, for their own sake as well as for the kids. But this usually isn't the case when they marry. It only happens much later.

But divorce is such a terrible thing :( they should first try everything to work it out and of nothing works then get one. It does effect to children a lot.

I know. My parents had a divorce. The tried for 3 years. But when you don't love each other that way anymore... It's just better to get a divorce. For the children too.

Though I cried and got mad when they told me they were getting a divorce, it didn't take long before my own life got more relaxed and generally better. It's not that I don't want my parents to be together, but I don't want them to be together if they don't love each other. I also wouldn't want them to live in an unhappy marrige because of me. I think it's sad that my parents "fell out of love", but now that thet did, it's better that they got a divorce.

Divorce isnt as terrible as staying married to someone you are married too. And everyone says it effect the children so much but, i come from a family of divorced parents and it hasnt effected me or my brothers, it effects some children i'm sure but most likley because it was a bad divorce.

staying married to someone you are miserable with*** oops lol

Divorce isnt as terrible as staying married to someone you are married too

This made me laugh :) I know it was a mistake, but it sounds like one of those marriage jokes! xD

it effects the children

- I think it does affect children in every case. Even if you don't think about it. It dosen't have to be in a bad way, it might just make you more mature, or give you a more realistic view on the world. But everything in life shapes us, so we become the persons we are.

Hahaa yeah it made me laugh too ;)

yeah I know but fist thy can try and make things better before.

It can effect children. Maybe it will make the teenagers mire mature but think about the smaller children like the five year olds. They're gonna wonder why their mommy and daddy don't live together anymore and why this new person is coming into their homes

Glad i amused you :)

Yeh thats what i mean, that it doesnt always effect them in a bad way, i just meant that people always say divorce effects the children, like in a bad way, but its not always the case.

I agree Lauren. It hasn't affected me or my brother in a bad way, I don't think anyway.

And I agree with you too Ruby. You can't just wake up one day and be like: "Oh, I don't wanna be married. Bye!". First, it's something that needs to be considered carefully: "Do we wanna do this? Can we work it out? What will happen? Why would we do it?". This all in the individuals mind of course. Then they should talk to their partner, and they can try to work it out. Then if they can't, if they have really stopped loving each other... Then it's better to get a divorce. That dosen't mean that the parents hate each other. They just don't love each other in that way anymore.

Megamarie wrote: "philippines...such a small country with lots of crazy people...and i'm one of them...you should check out the news in my country...we( filipinos) are so childish and immature...even the president a..."

Oh wow! My aunt is frum philipines :D

Amina wrote: "Megamarie wrote: "philippines...such a small country with lots of crazy people...and i'm one of them...you should check out the news in my country...we( filipinos) are so childish and immature...ev..."

well...tell her i said hi!

I hardly speak to her! She's in Canada... but I'll tell her a fellow philipino said hi wen I talk to her next :D

I'm old. married twice. divorced twice. 1st marriage to a man who hit me a lot and nearly killed me the last beating. I tried for 10 yrs to make it work. I finally decided I would rather be an alive bad catholic than a dead good one. Married again 2 yrs later. worked fine for 16 yrs then he started drinking,shoplifting, passing out in public places..developed bi-polar disorder. I could live with the bi-polar but not the drinking. Basically, he left me for a bottle of booze. However: my sister met her husband at 15. she never dated anyone else. she married right out of high school and has been married for 42 years.P.S.: I gave my 2nd marriage another 12 years before leaving after he pushed me and I fell and hurt my knee and back. left him then. safety first.

Umm, we've already agreed that if ur being abused, it's okay to leave.

It's okay to leave if you're unhappy.

My point is that I did not just give up on either of my marriages. I tried to make them work. 10 yrs with husband #1 even though we were only married for 6 wks the first time he hit me. 28 yrs with husband #2...16 of them while he was drunk every night, 14 "rehabs"...Marriage is a commitment. You have to be committed to that commitment. Marriage is not easy. It is hard work but it takes both partners to make it work.

I just don't want to be in a relationship if it maks me unhappy. Like, seriously. We're on this planet for about 80 or so years, why waste some of that precious time being unhappy?