Writers Unite discussion

Here's a portion from the new story idea I have. I don't know if i'm going to pursue it, but if you like it give me some feedback and I'll keep going.


Begining of Chapter One:
The air was stale- almost stiff. The sharp smell of moth balls assaulted her nose and with every breath her stomach rolled. Little by little the memory of her daughter was slipping. This room had been her life preserve to which she held on for dear life --from this punishing sea there would be no rescue. She hadn’t touched a thing save for the chair at the computer desk in which she sat; Even the lone pillow on the bed still held the light depression where her daughter’s head had lie. She reached across the computer’s keyboard to retrieve the cell phone that could have changed her whole world. Imagining Madison would like it, she’d updated it twice in the last four years, to a point where she could barely operate it without a manual at hand. Just because it was part of a routine she couldn’t bear to give up, she scrolled through the pictures of her daughter. This had become her life, little bits and pieces that no stitch or tape could make whole.
In the morning she’d drag herself out of bed and force herself through the motions of preparing breakfast, swallowing. Then she would hurry to this very room, almost at a sprint, settle into the chair and evoke every memory she could of her daughter. From the first, when she was sat warm and writhing in her arms, her tiny mouth searching for the source of her feeding; to the very, heart-wrenching, last. Her daughter’s lifeless body on the cold, metal table. Aside from the delicate bruising that intruded her beautiful face, she looked as if she was sleeping. Sara had tried to shake her awake, she screamed her name; and as evil and inhumane as it would have been, she’d had hoped that this was a joke that everyone was in on but her. She’d imagined Madison rising up from that table laughing so hard her tears would smear the make-up that made her cheeks appear bloodless. She vaguely remembered the scrawny policeman who’d escorted them lock eyes with the grave faced coroner. Victim identified. Her husband’s arms had embraced her and she fought against him, at first, and then all but collapsed into his arms, bringing them both to the cold floor. The policeman and coroner had left them to grieve, as they ineptly tried to pick up their pieces.

Link to the rest:
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...

Oh wow, wow, wow. This has depth, girl. Your descriptions are absolute awesomeness.