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message 1:
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Sky , Caillou lied: growing up is very tough
(new)
Jan 20, 2011 08:14PM
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Oh! Oh! I have a joke, Hold on, I have a couple!
Two Cannibals Are Eating A Clown And One Turns To The Other And Says 'Does This Taste Funny To You?'
A young boy and his grandfather were sitting next to each other on a park bench when the boy spoke up asking his grandfather to make sounds like a frog.
'Bark' His grandfather went.
'No, no, like a FROG' The Young Boy Stressed.
'Meow' The Grandfather went.
'No! Like a FROG!' the boy cried and the Grandfather turned the boy and said...
'Why do you want me to make a sound like a frog so bad?' The boy replied with...
'Because momma says when you croak we get to go to Disney Land!'
'Bark' His grandfather went.
'No, no, like a FROG' The Young Boy Stressed.
'Meow' The Grandfather went.
'No! Like a FROG!' the boy cried and the Grandfather turned the boy and said...
'Why do you want me to make a sound like a frog so bad?' The boy replied with...
'Because momma says when you croak we get to go to Disney Land!'
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Once, there were two muffins in an oven. The first muffin said, "It's really hot in here."
The second muffin said, "Look! A talking muffin!"
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Two Nuetrons are at a bar and one says to the other 'I think I've lost an electron' and the other asks if he's sure and the Nuetron nods and says 'I'm positive'
(( You need to know some science to get that one but its pretty funny if you do ))
(( You need to know some science to get that one but its pretty funny if you do ))
lol that's hillarious!! ooh, i have one!A mom walked into a pet store, going to buy a puppy for her daughter's birthday. She doesn't know which one to pick, so she goes to the clerk and asks: "I'd like a puppy for my daughter." And the clerk says: "I'm sorry Ma'am, but we don't do trades."
Ha ha ha ha ha ha science jokes!!Hey, I don't know if this will be appropriate, I really hope it is, and I don't want to make a bad impression, as this is my first post.
Say this out loud to yourself. "How easy is it to buy a mattress from sofa king? It's sofa king easy!:
LOL!
If you say gullible really slowly it sounds like Giraffe...
If you say gullible really slowly it sounds like Giraffe...
Wow. I just had to use my dictionary to find out what gullible means. and it's not in the dictionary. huh. XD
XD you are gullible if you believed that!! XP sorryyy I had to see if you would fall for it XD
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b!(ches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b!(ches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b!(ch in the kitchen."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b!(ch in the kitchen."
!!! XD OMG that's so funny!!!!!!!!!! Im laughing so hard right now!
XD I LOVEEEE THAT!!! LAUGHING SOOO HARD RIGHT NOW!!
I know right!!! thats hilarious!!
An older gentleman is sitting in a bar when a beautiful young woman walks up to him and whispers in his ear, "I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks."
He immediately puts his drink down and begins frantically going through his pockets. He pulls out a cumbled up ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones.
He thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says, "Here...paint my house."
He immediately puts his drink down and begins frantically going through his pockets. He pulls out a cumbled up ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones.
He thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says, "Here...paint my house."
Hey have you seen Marcell the Shell? If not look it up on YouTube IT IS SO FUNNAY!
message 27:
by
Savita, Heaven doesn't want me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.
(new)
Mod
Joke! I have one. ---
'Photons have mass? I didnt even know they were Catholic!'
'Photons have mass? I didnt even know they were Catholic!'
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he'll give him a free beer for an amazing trick. The bartender agrees. The guy pulls out a hamster that begins dancing and singing.
"That is amazing!" says the bartender and gives him a beer.
"If I show you something else, will you give me another beer?" The bartender agrees.
The guy pulls out a small piano and a frog. The same hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings.
The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer.
A man in a suit, who's been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a large sum, and the man agrees.
"Are you nuts?" asks the bartender. "You could've made a fortune off that frog."
"Can you keep a secret?" asks the man. "The hamster's a ventriloquist."
"That is amazing!" says the bartender and gives him a beer.
"If I show you something else, will you give me another beer?" The bartender agrees.
The guy pulls out a small piano and a frog. The same hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings.
The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer.
A man in a suit, who's been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a large sum, and the man agrees.
"Are you nuts?" asks the bartender. "You could've made a fortune off that frog."
"Can you keep a secret?" asks the man. "The hamster's a ventriloquist."
When you don't drink, people always need to know why. They're like, 'You don't drink? Why?' This never happens with anything else. 'You don't use mayonnaise? Why? Are you addicted to mayonnaise? Is it OK if I use mayonnaise?'
Life is a little easier for attractive people. Think about it: if a stranger smiles at you and they're attractive, you think, 'Oh, they're nice,' but if a stranger's ugly, you're like, 'What do they want? Get away from me, weirdo.'
-- The Last two were from Jim Gaffigan and there will probably be more from him.
Found a fragrance called Vixen. Guess they can't name them after the people who actually wear them. Nobody's going to buy Secretary. - Whitney Cummings
How did we get to the point where we're paying for bottled water? That must have been some weird marketing meeting over in France. Some French guy's sitting there, like, 'How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water. - Jim Gaffigan
Jeff Dunham: You're afraid of offending people?
Achmed: Yeah.
Jeff Dunham: You're a terrorist. You kill people.
Achmed: That's different. Killing people is easy; being politically correct is a pain in the @$$.
- Jeff Dunham
Achmed: Yeah.
Jeff Dunham: You're a terrorist. You kill people.
Achmed: That's different. Killing people is easy; being politically correct is a pain in the @$$.
- Jeff Dunham
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Okay, just make sure you look. LOL you are blind.
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I responded. --
I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated. - Mike Birbiglia
I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated. - Mike Birbiglia
I responded -
I never have free time. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line front of you -- you get kind of flustered? You're like 'Forget it! I'm not standing here for 40 seconds. I've got things to do.' - Jim Gaffigan
I never have free time. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line front of you -- you get kind of flustered? You're like 'Forget it! I'm not standing here for 40 seconds. I've got things to do.' - Jim Gaffigan
message 43:
by
Savita, Heaven doesn't want me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.
(new)
Mod
Mod
I responded -
When I'm staying at a hotel, I have to call the front desk and be like, 'Can I have a wake up call for 7:00, 7:10, 7:20, 9:30, and 1:30 p.m.?' - Mike Birbiglia
When I'm staying at a hotel, I have to call the front desk and be like, 'Can I have a wake up call for 7:00, 7:10, 7:20, 9:30, and 1:30 p.m.?' - Mike Birbiglia
message 46:
by
Savita, Heaven doesn't want me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.
(new)
Mod
My female friends complain about dating. My friend was like, 'I went out with this guy, and he wanted to sleep with me after five dates.' And I was like, 'No, he wanted to sleep with you after one date. He thought he might have a chance after five. He probably wanted to sleep with you after zero dates, but he thought a trip to Applebee's might grease the wheels a little.' - Mike Birbiglia
