The Five Ghosts discussion

Heya. Long time no see! Sorry I've been so inactive lately. I sorta went into one of those recluse periods where I did nothing much but stay up way past my bedtime and write random things while rethinking my approach to writing and style.

I thought people only did that in movies.

Anyhow, this started after I started a presentation on Hemingway for my short story class. Though I've always been familiar with his work, I became somewhat enamored with his style of writing and the minimalistic style.

So, I decided to apply the changes to a book I recently finished, officially making any copies I've sent out a bit defunct. XD The thing is, one thing that always bugged me is how I wrote SO MUCH to tell a story that had so LITTLE.

So, minimalism. I'm cutting down on the lengthy internal monologues and sticking to the absolute basics of the narrative (or at least I hope). Here's a sample of the stuff I've been pouring out. I was wondering if I could get some feedback on how it reads, and if it seems realistic.

This particular chapter is of the main character, Croy, waking up after his first transformation into a werewolf. Yes, I know the genre is worn a bit thin. But I having fun while trying to bring something fresh to the genre.

I hope you enjoy! Oh, and there will be SPaG. But right now I'm focusing on just WRITING. I just know that if I start editing now I'm going to want to go back and change stuff. XD
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Chapter 10: No Modesty for Wolves

I wake.

Everything hurts.

My body feels like it's been stretched in every cardinal direction and more. Soreness. Stiffness. Even my senses seem injured, in one way and another. The ringing in my ears is what I notice first. A single, piercing tone that makes me wonder if I've left a phone inside my head off the hook.

I shift, trying to get a handle on where I am without opening my eyes. Sheets wrap my body.

I don't have sheets on my bed. Only a thick comforter.

"Good afternoon."

The voice is a whisper. Thank you. Thank you whoever you are. The mere sound of a television in a far off room is making my head whirl.

"Try not to get up... trust me," she says. Her voice is soft, yet has a sharp edge to it.

Like any normal person, I ignore the advice and sit up, opening my eyes. Ow. Ow ow ow. I shut them. Everything is so bright. Everything I saw was so focused. I lay back down and press my face into the pillow, inhaling.

I retch. Sweat. Dirt. Blood. Cotton. Hair. I smell it all. It assaults my senses with hammer blow after hammer blow and I jerk out of bed, slamming against a wall. Engine grease. Fumes. Dead mildew plastered onto wood.

Then sound. The ringing is replaced with a cacophony of my own breathing and racing heartbeat. Water rushing through pipes. Energy rushing through high voltage power lines.

All of this. All of this in a half second. No time to think, move or do anything except to slide down the wall and roll to the floor, shuddering and sweating again. I'm naked, with only the sheet tangled around my torso. I can feel cold concrete beneath my skin, sending another wrack of shivers through me.

Oh jeeze... What the hell happened to me? I hear these things come from hangovers and detoxes. But I neither get drunk nor do drugs...

What happened to me?

"Your first transformation."

I bring my head up and open my eyes just enough to make out her shape. My eyes couldn't adjust in time before she pressed a moist rag to my forehead, rubbing filth from my brow.

"I... wasn't aware that I was speaking aloud," I say. My voice sounds raspy.

"Heh. You're funny," she says, "Look, try to relax and stay calm... Normally, I'd tell you to suck it up. But you have no idea what just happened. Do you?"

I'm thinking back. I'm thinking back to another hectic morning that seems so far away. Then there's Jerry. Then his... revelation. And then the pain.

Oh the pain. Thinking about it sends another shudder through my body.

"God... what... No. I don't know what happened," I say, "I just... Jerry. He said that... That I... I was something more."

"Yes. You're a werewolf," she says, taking the rag from my head.

"You say it like it's so simple," I mutter. Taking a few deep breaths.

She tilts my head up with a single finger.

A single claw tip.

I open my eyes, and I'm met with stark green eyes in the face of a wolf, connected to the furred body of a human. She wears a red tank-top and jeans, but it's all secondary to the fact that I'm face to face with a mythical beast.

I jerk back against the wall, and my head cracks agains the side of the window ledge. I hiss in pain and close my eyes. I open them, and she's still there, watching my carefully. Her grey ears are forward, attentive and alert.

I can't think of much to say.

"You... You have fur."

She gives a wide smile that reveals some of her teeth.

"Yes. I do..."

I shake my head, taking more breaths. I'm feeling much better. The pain and sensual vertigo is gone, only leaving a single, aching question.

"How did I become a werewolf? I'm... human," I say, looking at my hands, "What even happened after... Jerry... I dunno. He sorta kidnapped me?"

She laughs and sits down cross legged in front of me. Her feet are odd shaped, with the clawed tips and paw-pads beneath the toes.

"Well, Jerry had to keep you there long enough to initiate a change. You were so close, so we didn't want you to shift somewhere inconvenient. The slightest stress could have put you over the edge," she says, "So instead he decided to, you know, stress you out where we could keep an eye on you."

Oh. Right. Jerry had been the driver of the doomed blue Dodge.

I clench my fists.

"Yeah... Stress. That's one word for it," I say, looking back at her, "That jackass owes me."

She smirks, an oddly significant expression for her features.

"Oh he knows. Trust me. He's been very... busy while you've been out."

I roll my eyes. Out. Where exactly was that?

I ask the female werewolf in front of me what exactly happened after I... passed out.

"Oh, the usual. You spent the whole day transforming into your full form, and then you spent the night running around and hunting down every deer within a five mile radius. Then after you got tired, you fell asleep and transformed back into your human shape. And, naturally, you don't remember any of it. But that's okay. No one does. Like I said, the usual. "

She says it like she's giving directions.

I give her a level look.

"The usual... you've got to be kidding me," I say. She laughs and ruffles my hair.

"Sorry, couldn't resist. But I've never had to explain to anyone that they're not the same species they grew up as, you know. On that subject, I'm going to guess that the werewolf comes from your dad's side or something?"

I sigh and close my eyes, rubbing the bridge of my nose. I don't know. I have no idea. I'm still having trouble believing any of this. My mind says, impossible. Werewolves aren't real. But my sense say, hey, there's one sitting right here in front of me.

My mind says in that case, I'm just seeing things.

I open my eyes again and motion her over.

"Umm... What's your name?" I ask.

"Janise. I'm Jerry's sister."

"Janise... Okay." I look at her closer and hold my hand out. "May... May I touch? I'm sorry but-"

I'm cut off as she takes my hand with her... paw, and places it against the side of her muzzle. Jeeze... It's all real. I can feel the warmth from her breath and the twitching of the muscles beneath her fur. I move my hand back over her head and to her ears.

Janise flicks the ear and chuckles. "That's... a ticklish spot."

My mind finally wraps around it. Werewolves are real. I sigh and move to stretch my back a bit, when I realize that my bare ass is against the floor. I make a face and adjust the sheet over my body.

"I'm... I'm naked."

She smirks. "Yes. You are."

"And I'm a werewolf... from my dad's side."

Another nod.

"Does my mom know yet?" I ask.

Janise frowns and lies her ears back. "Aheh, no... No she doesn't."

I cuss. "How the hell am I supposed to explain this to her?"

Janise stands up and puts her hands on her hips, smiling. "You'll have to show her, just like I'm showing you."

"Oh... Right... How do I... I mean... I thought werewolves needed a full moon?" I ask. All the bits of movie trivia are starting to hit me.

Janise laughs and reaches above me, shoving her toned, but furry, midriff in my face. She tears back the blinds, flooding the room with blinding sunlight. I wince and shut my eyes again.

"You've got a lot to learn about werewolves, and in a very short amount of time," she says, pulling my up by my armpits with surprising strength. I scramble to keep the sheet wrapped around me.

"So why don't you take a shower while I explain everything to you?" Janise points to one of the doors in the room, which looks like a shop office converted to living space. The bathroom is small, but big enough for privacy. The curtain is the thin, cloudy plastic that's only opaque enough to hide finer details.

I look back to Janise. She has an amused little grin that unsettles me.

"Heh, how about after the shower?" I say, forcing a smile.

Without warning she reaches down and yanks the sheet off my body. I'm scrambling in the shower within seconds.

"Ha! Well here's werewolf fact number one. Thanks to fur and the unavoidable fact that you'll eventually bust out of your own clothes, and more than once at that, there's no such thing as modesty!" she says with a child-like glee.

I'm muttering in embarrassment as I turn on the water to the shower.

No modesty. Yeah, speak for yourself.

Give me the weekend and I'll bang out a review of sorts--you have me word :)