Queereaders discussion

Tell us what is bothering you.

Charles wrote: "I'm a neat freak so I hate it when it's all messy. I clean our apartment almost everyday and every weekend is like the general cleaning."

Wow, every day. That's pretty awesome.

I'm kind of the opposite. My pet peeve is when I clean something and then it gets dirty again because I hate to clean.

Example: I wash some dishes and then use them and then they get dirty and I have to wash them again. I just washed them!! The same with clothes. Basically, I'm peeved at myself for using everyday items and wearing clothes.

Why can't I run around naked and eat only finger foods for which I'll never need a plate or silverware?

Laddie wrote: "...I'm kind of the opposite. My pet peeve is when I clean something and then it gets dirty again because I hate to clean. ..."

Paraphrasing Quentin Crisp, ~well, after a couple of years, the dust doesn't get any thicker~

I love ordered chaos, surrounded by stacks and piles of important stuff. My gripe is when someone comes along and 'puts it in order' and I cant find a thing.

Current pet peeves:

Being around people who drink too much
I can't afford to retire.

Kernos wrote: "Being around people who drink too much"

I thought I was the only one who hates that.

Kernos wrote: "I love ordered chaos, surrounded by stacks and piles of important stuff. My gripe is when someone comes along and 'puts it in order' and I cant find a thing..."

Yes! This is definitely me. I'll have to remember that term next time my boss talks to me about my office housekeeping. He's always amazed when I reach into a seemingly random stack of papers on my desk and promptly find the information he's looking for.

Right now I'm ticked off by people who come to work when they're sick and spread their germs. It's inconsiderate. Now I have another cold.

Nancy wrote: "Right now I'm ticked off by people who come to work when they're sick and spread their germs. It's inconsiderate. Now I have another cold. "

Except most bosses get pissed if you call in sick. So people are forced to come to work or be hassled by the boss. =[

My boss has never hassled anyone for being sick, so I can't understand why people feel they should come in.

I know other companies are different. I once had a part-time job as a server/cashier at Ponderosa Steak House. I called in sick because of bronchitis. While the boss at my full-time job was understanding, the Ponderosa manager called me at home demanding I come in because he was short-staffed. When I refused, he called me twice more, so I went to work. He sent me home when several customers complained about my hollow-sounding cough.

i'm sick xD but i wish i didn't have to go to my finals tomorrow because i'm sick :P

Nancy wrote: "Kernos wrote: "I love ordered chaos, surrounded by stacks and piles of important stuff. My gripe is when someone comes along and 'puts it in order' and I cant find a thing..."

Yes! This is defi..."

I'm PRECISELY the same way at work. I call it my 'piling' system as opposed to 'filing' system. I love amazing people with my ability to find just what I need in the piles! Luckily my boss rarely visits my desk, so I don't get any editorial comments. Just from my coworker who is the exact opposite with everything at 90 degree angles on his desk.

I'm currently annoyed at office politics and game playing by people who are old enough to know better. I do my utmost best to steer clear of both and have no time for those that play them.

And, of course, the fact that it seems the winter is not ending any time soon.

Ugh. I am so sick off all the Jane Eyre spam. First we get the annoying challenge. Then the flashing and moving side bar ad. And now an annoying banner at the top of the page. I will never go see this stupid movie since they think spamming people is a good way to advertise.

Nancy wrote: "...Except most bosses get pissed if you call..."

The solution to that is to be your own boss. I'm all for self-employment.

Tom wrote: "...I call it my 'piling' system as opposed to 'filing' ..."

I'll have to remember that. Good one!

Matthew wrote: "My pet peeve/grip is this whole "straight-acting" thing. I think it's more prevalent in the gay male community.

I hear it sometimes when a friend says he thinks a particular guy is hot and then..."

Matt, ‘acting straight’ is a convenience to gay or same sex people to go with the flow, to not stand out, to not thus become marginalised and victimised. It may not be desirable but does help one’s acceptance and ability to progress in the world, or at the other extreme, avoid harm.
‘Internalised homophobia’ sounds a new spin name on the same old attitudes towards gay people in recent centuries. Nothing new. You’ve read about Oscar Wilde – wouldn’t you agree he suffered from ‘internalised homophobia’ in his day, over 100 years ago? Would he have been jailed, subjected to ostracism, had his life ruined and have died a pauper if he ‘acted straight’?
Homophobia, by whatever name, will be around for generations. As tolerance improves, one can only hope that gradually homophobes will expire, ‘straight gays’ will feel less need to act straight, and non-gays harmonise with the rest of society.

The idea of internalized homophobia sounds alot like an idea that is one of my pet peeves. When someone says that a black person acts white.

This has been a long standing issue for me, especially since I've been accused of it more than once. Just like you say, Matt, it makes certain actions or characteristics of a generalized group all bad.

While I agree with J.J. that some people do focus on presenting a certain image to get ahead or blend in I am against the practice of labeling it as "acting straight" or "acting white".

First of all, I refuse to define myself by the color of my skin. No matter what I do, it is me who's projecting the image. The only way I can act is like myself. Not white, not black, not green. I just act like me.

I have two problems with the people who accuse someone of acting a certain way. One is that those people tend to preach about wanting equal rights. They want to be treated the same; with the same level of respect. They don't want to be put into a box and labeled "other".

Those people don't realize that by defining a person by their race or sexual preference, they are doing to themselves exactly what they want other people to stop doing to them. They're generalizing characteristics, attributing them to themselves and basically saying "This is why we're different but don't ever say that I'm different.".

Second (and I'm going to use the "white acting" theory here), they take everything educated, dignified, respectable, basically things that are good qualities to have, and they label them as white. Really? My skin color prevents me from being intelligent, from having respect for myself, from doing things that will empower me as a person? My skin did not lighten when I did well in school. It did not lighten when I refrained from wearing clothes that advertised me as a sex object. I am the same color no matter what I do. Nothing I do can make me "less black". Being black is not an attitude. It's a race. There's a difference.

For gay people, yes, they can hide their sexuality. The thing is that you're born wired to love who you love. No matter what someone does to a gay person or what a gay person does to themself, they are still going to be gay. What exactly is it to act straight? More masculine and less flamboyant? Maybe into sports? Beer drinkers? What?

So, a gay man can't be naturally masculine? They can't like sports or drink beer? If that "macho" gay man has a boyfriend, partner or husband I'm pretty sure that each time he watches a football game it doesn't make him love his husband any less.

Oh, and if a gay man maybe likes pretty things, has flair or likes fine wines that does not make him less than. It just makes him who he is. Being gay is not a set of characteristics. It's sexuality. There's a difference.

To define yourself by one thing is doing a great disservice to who you are. People are complex and more than their sexuality or their race.

I hate to be around people when they have a cell phone. They tend fondle the them all the time or spends hours talking about crap.

Laddie wrote: "...The only way I can act is like myself...."

Unless you're purposely acting like someone else and then it is your interpretation. And we all wear a variety of masks. I go into professional mode when at the office or at the hospital or on the phone with another pro. I behave and feel differently when I'm home alone, home with spouse and home with guests. All that said, I have well ingrained behavior patterns, basically masculine and professorial or academicoid.

When I was growing-up gay, 'straight-acting' frankly was a code-word for 'not queenie', and was not the opposite of 'gay-acting', in my mind at least. It had more to do with masculine vs feminine than gay vs straight. And, it was generally used in reference to looking for casual sex or discussing 'my-type'. Does it mean something different today?

I do understand how it can be seen as pejorative, though. Why not just say, "I like masculine guys?"

Kernos wrote: "Laddie wrote: "...The only way I can act is like myself...."

Unless you're purposely acting like someone else and then it is your interpretation. And we all wear a variety of masks. I go into prof..."

I can see what you're saying about purposely acting like someone else. I don't really think that way because I'm a horrible at trying to be someone else or compartmentalizing my behavior. I could go into a whole "It's still you because the way you act is to act like someone else..." but that leads to a circular argument that may make my brain explode.

I think your idea of "gay-acting" and "straight-acting" is still on point. Saying that you like masculine guys or more effeminate men is a good way to put it. In the end they're still men. If I were a gay man I think my attitude would be that you can say I'm masculine or that I'm feminine (neither is negative or better than the other) but don't try to tell me that I'm not a man. Still gay and still a man no matter how I act. Respect that.

Edited to say that I hope that makes sense. I feel like I might not be expressing myself clearly.

Matthew wrote: "My pet peeve/grip is this whole "straight-acting" thing. I think it's more prevalent in the gay male community.

I hear it sometimes when a friend says he thinks a particular guy is hot and then..."

I remember there was a scene in the book
The Hours when the narrator (a lesbian) is with a friend who's a gay man and either he's talking about a hot, gay jock type he's seen, or giving the eye to one and the narrator says internally (paraphrasing...) that she didn't understand why gay men strive to be like (or want to be with) the ones who victimized them when they were young.

I thought that was an interesting insight to the whole "straight acting and appearing" covetousness that happens in the gay culture.

Good book for those of you haven't read it as well!

I really hate when people set up fake Goodreads accounts just to skew poll results.

Nancy wrote: "I really hate when people set up fake Goodreads accounts just to skew poll results."

That's weird. Why would someone do that?

I just thought it was odd that a certain title with just a few votes yesterday has shot up into first place today and the recent voters just joined today.

Nancy wrote: "I just thought it was odd that a certain title with just a few votes yesterday has shot up into first place today and the recent voters just joined today."

That is odd. People can be so strange.

Not only did they join today, they voted at the same time. So I've removed the title from the poll.

pet peeve- when the prices in the produce department are not correct in the cashier's computer. And when the price for my cable mysteriously goes up month after month. And when gas is 3.75 a gal. When I'm broke a week before payday! And I have to use a credit card to pay for groceries!

SarahB wrote: "pet peeve- when the prices in the produce department are not correct in the cashier's computer. And when the price for my cable mysteriously goes up month after month. And when gas is 3.75 a gal. W..."

The price of gas is mind-blowing right now. It's 4 dollars and change near my parents in NYC.

one of my gripes is that i don't understand why a certain author is popular when i've read their works and can think of better authors.

in fact, i'm having such a bad experience with many genre fiction authors lately. i'm starting to wonder whether i should just take the advice i've read which is to avoid authors who have too many works (in a short span of time), meaning that quality may have suffered in favor of quantity.

Wyndslash wrote: "one of my gripes is that i don't understand why a certain author is popular when i've read their works and can think of better authors.

in fact, i'm having such a bad experience with many genre fi..."

I have that same problem. I tend not to like a lot of authors who are insanely popular. I fnd that happens to me a lot with M/M authors.

Laddie wrote: "Wyndslash wrote: "one of my gripes is that i don't understand why a certain author is popular when i've read their works and can think of better authors.

in fact, i'm having such a bad experienc..."

yeah. it's really a hit and miss.

Laddie wrote: "Wyndslash wrote: "one of my gripes is that i don't understand why a certain author is popular when i've read their works and can think of better authors.

in fact, i'm having such a bad experienc..."

don't worry- I'm not insanely popular. You'll like my books!

So many of them are on the NYT bestseller lists. I have started a Nora Roberts book a few times and could never get far into it, maybe it was the genre, but I don't know.. and some authors, like Kathy Reichs, I really liked when they first started with the early books, but when I try to read a more recent one, I can't stomach it. I think you lose track of why you are writing and it becomes a money maker, not a passion.

Big pet peeve: Humans who don't "believe" in anthropomorphic global warming and environmental changes, as if it were a faith based concern. The massive recent tornado outbreaks may help convince them. Or maybe it will take Miami or Amsterdam or London and East Anglia being inundated by the ocean. Already New Orleans is a goner.

A corollary is the horrible state of science, math and engineering education in the US. A recent study rated the US as 27th of 29 in developed countries re this. Let's satrt making the scholars, geeks and nerds the heroes, not the jocks and political types.

The thing about Global Warming is that we don't know if this is natural or not. We haven't been around long enough to say "oh, this is just something the planet does every couple thousand years."

I have LOADS of pet peeves. Mainly a persons habits or manners.

I cannot stand when someone says, "Yea, I'm finished. I just have to do this and that and then it's done." There ia a difference between finshed and done?

One more.

People who SEE you on the phone and proceed to talk to you or make noise around you while you're on the phone.

Ralph wrote: "The thing about Global Warming is that we don't know if this is natural or not. We haven't been around long enough to say "oh, this is just something the planet does every couple thousand years.""

If you looks at the data and the fact that over 95% of climate scientists conclude it is due to human activity, it being "natural" is extraordinary unlikely. I don't like to use the word 'natural' because humans are part of nature and what we do is natural.

The problem is that most people including most all the decision makers and those with power do not know how to evaluate the data nor do most scientists know how to communicate with the laity. We badly need intermediaries.

Jaime wrote: "One more.

People who SEE you on the phone and proceed to talk to you or make noise around you while you're on the phone."

Yes, but it also annoys me that when I am talking to someone, they will interrupt me to answer the phone, as if whoever is on the other end is more important. Being interrupted by call waiting is another pet peeve. I detest call waiting.

People talking cell phone while at the cashier is waiting for them to swipe their card. You really shouldn't hold everyone else up.

People driving and talking on their cell phones. Reminds me of the days my mom would be putting on make-up while driving me somewhere...

Michelle wrote: "People talking cell phone while at the cashier is waiting for them to swipe their card. You really shouldn't hold everyone else up."

I totally agree. The cashier also has every right to take the next customer in line while the first finishes their phone call.

I hate it when people listen to their ringtones on repeat from their phone's speaker. I don't understand why they couldn't just buy the song and listen to it with earbuds!

It's not bothering me but a pet peeve of mine is when someone speaks of their own tastes, preferences or opinions as if theirs is the only correct view. Basically meaning, "what they say goes." I never understood that.

Matthew wrote: "My pet peeve/grip is this whole "straight-acting" thing. I think it's more prevalent in the gay male community.

I hear it sometimes when a friend says he thinks a particular guy is hot and then..."

In reply to a few comments above...Well, my view of it is we are all individuals and how one acts can be based on their culture, background, personality, etc. and several other factors. I don't get it when people speak of a group, such as gay men, and make the assumption everyone acts in a certain way or the way they have personally experienced.

Additionally, it's a pet peeve of mine when they make broad, all-inclusive statements about us also. I am the same no matter where I am, who I am with or what's going on in the literal sense. Certainly in an emergency I would behave differently, but it is still the same Red Haircrow.

"Straight-acting", "fem", or even "gay" for that matter, terms like that are all labels people place upon themselves, and to me, inflict on others also, perhaps because they are fettered by characterizations and/or stereotyping. I think people can become imprisoned by self-imposed bonds. I don't believe in enforcing one's own opinions or labels on other people.

Laddie wrote: "To define yourself by one thing is doing a great disservice to who you are. People are complex and more than their sexuality or their race. "

I very much agree, Laddie. That's my point exactly.

...i think i just burned myself out from over-indulging in one genre. i managed to pick up some mysteries from the amazon sunshine deals sale, though, so i'll be having that for a while instead of m/m stuff :)

Pet peeve numero uno: I hate it when people assume I am straight and then when I tell them otherwise they accuse me of lying or they say "can I watch?".
If you want to lose all respect that I ever had for you; just say that to me. Mkay?

Annoyance #2: Is when people use the word "literally" incorrectly. e.g. "I literally was laughing so hard I busted a gut" Me:"Oh cool, did you have to get stitches?"

Irritation three: Poison Ivy. Oh yes, poison ivy, it irritates my skin. Literally.

@Lyndz - Your irritating poison ivy (which thankfully, I'm not sensitive to) reminded me of another pet peeve of mine—critters, critters on me or in my house.

The worst are ticks, esp the tiny seed ticks. Right now we're inundated by little flying things—mosquitos, neeker-breekers, no-see-ums, gnats... One got in my ear while sleeping and drove me to cursing.

Then there are bigger critters. Night before last I was awoken by a loud noise to find a possum in my bedroom. After an hour of trying to catch it (2AM), it ran into a furnace vent and I'm not sure if it stills there. And last week, I opened the front door to go to work and a snake slithered in and got lost behind some furniture—have not seen it since. I think it as non-poisonous, but it moved too quickly.

Oh! and I've almost forgot the colonies of mice we 'cheerfully' live with...

I'm all for humans learning to live with Nature and not against Her, but some things are a bit much.

Possum follow-up: Saw him eating and drinking from the dog's bowls; tried to catch him, but failed. I think he wants to move in and become part of the family.

Wow Kernos! You must live in a very rural area. I don’t think I have ever seen a wild possum in my life. I think there is a Disney movie where there are a few of them hanging from their tails in a tree. Probably Jungle Book or something. That is about the extent of my experience with Possums.
We did have a gopher that decided to take up residency in our front lawn a few years ago. Luckily he moved on after we filled in his hole so we didn’t have to call an exterminator.
Oh & about that snake. YIKES! That is about all I can say about that, I am not a fan of the things. [And all that that implies]

Lyndz wrote: "Wow Kernos! You must live in a very rural area. I don’t think I have ever seen a wild possum in my life. I think there is a Disney movie where there are a few of them hanging from their tails in a ..."

Yes! the best way to put it is no broadband except satellite, which is not worth the $$ and we cannot get cell phone signals at home. I have DSL at work, but have learned to optimize dialup at home. GR works fine on dialup since it's primarily text, though occasionally the javascript or CSS does not load completely and controls wont work.

Kernos wrote: "Big pet peeve: Humans who don't "believe" in anthropomorphic global warming and environmental changes, as if it were a faith based concern. The massive recent tornado outbreaks may help convince th..."

The first part of your post kind of had me going "huh?" but the second part deserves a firm "Hurrah!" from me. I hate that our educators are so over-looked in this country. We, their students, may be eternally grateful for everything they contributed; but I feel like more should be done for our education system than it is....

My latest pet peeve are Vampires. And anything related to Vampires. I am so OVER vampires! And I can't seem to get away from them!

Nice one Doug!

Kernos, I would probably whither into a small raisin-esque version of myself and die a slow and painful death if I did not have web. Ok, maybe I am exaggerating a bit, but still! That would drive me mad.