Writers Unite discussion

on the surface, i found this to be a bit chatty and juvenile but only in the sense that the girl is obviously young and she's hurt and she needs someone to blame. i don't think this is bad or anything, but i am trying to get used to the style you've written this in. it was a very quick read and the flow was okay. but then i read it a couple more times and found that i like it more and more each time i read it. honestly i thought it could do with adjectives and metaphors to grant the tone a little more depth, but the voice is so in your face and that seems to work for this subject matter you chose to write about it. i hope you do post more of your writing. i'd like to see what else you've got in store.

Thank you! :) Yeah, it was like 12 here.. :P I'm not too good at writing poetry, (first time I've even tried) and again, thanks! :) I'm going to try to post more stories and such, but I reallyy have a writers block right now.. But I'm going to try! :)


In case you couldn't tell, I like smileys.

well im glad to hear that you'll be posting more. i definitely look forward to more of your work. and for the record, this is still a very good job for a first try at poetry. and i certainly understand about the writer's block. i get it all the time. keep on what your doing =)

Thank you! :) Your awesome.

So i've decided, I know this might be abit hard for me to keep up on, but I'm going to try, to post everyday a story version (dif names) of what's happened to me from day to day.. good or bad idea?

Story Time! :) Kylie Courtland

I walk into school, certain that it’ll be a great day. I mean, how could it not be. The power was out, it was dark and cool and awesome... We were skipping half the day... I finally find a seat at our always overcrowded table, listen to Capps ranting about whatever she wants for a bit, and then wait for my best friend Alicia to show up. Sugar comes up next to me, giving me a way out. We say we’re going to get water, then leave the table. “Thank god,” I said, pushing my blonde bangs out of my face, “You save my ass.” We wait around for Alicia’s bus, and talk about whoevers going out with who and such. She knows better than to bring up Eeyore and Lindsay... So we talk about how awesome it would be if we had a spring dance.

Quick rewind. Eeyore is the guy I kinda sorta really liked, ever since the beginning of the year. I mean it’s not that he's super-hot/cute, but... yeah, he kinda is. But he’s super sweet and hilarious... and everyone was talking about how cute we would be together, and his best friends said he was going to ask me out... so of course I was ecstatic. But no, he asks out Lindz... the most popular girl in our school. And of course, because her ex is his best friends, she said yes. Just to make him jealous. Seriously... Anyway, you don’t need to hear about my guy issues and the moment. And trust me; there are a lot of them. But I’ll get to them at a later date. Now back to my day.

We walked down the hall, the power had gone out, and of course, we felt like we were breaking into the school at night. I know... we aren’t the smartest people in the world, seeing as all the windows were open and the sun was blaring in our eyes, but anyway, it was fun. We wait by Alicia’s locker, and I fiddle with her lock a bit before opening it to the mess that she and Katrina share. She comes in, laughing with Mayra, and heads to her locker, with me and Sugar hiding behind it. We pop out, laugh for a bit, then go walking around.

Now here’s the thing with me and Leesh. We are best friends. For LIFEEE... We’ve probably talked shit about at least half the school. At least. We do everything together, but not all annoying like. I mean, we’ve gotten to the point where we walk in time, and can stay in silence but still have an amazing convo.

“You doing the breast cancer walk?” I say, turning towards Sugar and Leesh, who are on my left.

“Course,” Leesh says.

“Anything to get out of school”, Sugar added.

We walk into the lunch room, hugging couple of the 8th graders, and make our way to our table. I swear, if Alicia wasn’t there, I would NOT be able to deal with our table. Capp’s dominating as usual, and as you look to the right, there’s Gabz, the bitch who used to be my best friend. Pathetic.

Again, quick background on our table. There’s Arty and Martin (inseparable bffs, who, for some odd reason, KEEP on coming back to our table, even though we TORTURE them. They love the attention, and they are our “gay best friends” that aren’t gay. Anyway, they’re awesome..), Katrina (the sweetest nicest, wanna be bad ass girl you will ever meet), Ursula (this annoying girl that me, Leesh, and Sugar can’t stand, but hangs out with us anyway), Cappie (The nicest, shallowest, adorablest girl in the world...) and of course Capp. Her real name is Cappuccino, weird name, but then again she’s a weird person. Everyone “loves” her but secretly hates her behind her back. I have no clue why we still hang out with her, but I guess it’s just because this has been going on for so long... Anyway.

Sam came over to our table (this hotish guy who Tom and Nik are pretty good friends, with, he’s an awesome guitar player) playing guitar. I’m convinced he and Katrina should go out. They’d be so adorable... Katrina is gorgeous. There are so many guys that love her... But she doesn’t think so. But anyway, getting of track. Sam came over and started talking guitar with Katrina. We all were sitting on the table, feeling like it was an 80’s moment, the lights off, everyone talking sitting on the tables.

The first bell rang, and, per usual, half the table left to put stuff in the locker, a fourth left to go to the high school side to stalk our hot high school crushes (I was in that particular group) and a fourth just stays there to hang. I turn to Leesh

“Flippy hair slash Kevin?”

“You know it.” She replied, hoisting up her purple and white backpack. We walk down the hall, stopping first at Flippy hair’s locker, or what we assume his locker is. He sure is there enough.

Ok, a little background. I know what you’re thinking, another middle schooler crushing on a highschooler. But this is worse. We don’t crush on them. We think they’re hot. And because we are just too bored, we stalk them. Not like legit, I know where you live stalking, but like we know all of Kevin’s classes and the lockers for both of them. Flippy hair’s real name is Danny, but he does NOT look like one, so we just call him Flippy hair anyway.

Today we didn’t get a glimpse of either of them, but we would find them at lunch. I went off to my first period class, and Leesh and Sugar went to theirs. Mine, social studies, Leesh, computers, and Sugar, Spanish.

I slide into my seat, put down my backpack, and hope Eeyore sits in front of me... Every time he has we have gotten so many inside jokes, and laughs and looks from the teacher... But no, of course. Now he sits in the back. Thanks to Cappie... Cappie fractured her ankle a month ago, and just got the cast off. She sees no reason to not keep on sitting in Eeyore’ s seat. I poke Cappie in the back, and start laughing about something that happened this weekend when Gabby and her minions walk in. Ugh. Gabby’s one of those girls... She thinks everyone loves her. Everyone hates her. And no one cares about showing it... except me. I mean, me and her have been bffs since we were 2. I mean, we’re not friends now butt.... she still thinks we’re “omg besties!”... Ugh. Now her minions are these girls who don’t require names. They are total drones of Gabby. Anything she says, it’s the LAW. They follow her everywhere, and are basically her groupies. Contrary to popular belief, she’s really not that popular. I mean, yeah, she ditched us to be popular, but... hasn’t worked out for her yet.

Gabby punches me in the arm, pointing to Radek, this ginger kid.

We play this game called Gingers, meaning Ginger No Punch Backs. Kinda like slug bug. But ever since gabby started playing it, no one plays any more. And she’ll constantly punch you, and it’s just like UGH. Anyway.

We learn about something, I’m not even sure what, and I’m just waiting for the bell to ring. Cappie passes me a note, about guys... She’s not really crushing on anyone right now, and considers it her business about who everyone likes. I mean, I don’t mind she’s one of my best friends, but I’m getting ahead of myself. I had told her yesterday who I liked, 3 guys. Not too much, but still enough... Eeyore, as I mentioned earlier, Dustin (This incredibly hot and funny polish kid) and Larry (one of the funniest guys in our entire SCHOOL). Another reason I’m mad at gabby. I told her I liked Dustin a bit ago, and she’s decided to “help” by talking to him more and flirting with him. Wonderful. Anyway, Cappie of course wants to know all the deeets... not that they’ve changed much since yesterday. I make a face at her, and then the bell rings. Computers.

Me and Cappie basically have the same schedule... only 2 classes we don’t have together. Computers is by far my favorite class. The teachers cool, and Eeyore and Dustin are in that class... I pass by Leesh and Katrina and poke them, just something we do. We walk in, not exactly sure what we’re spose to do, seeing as the powers still out, meaning the computers won’t work. I sit next to Cappie and our friend Maya, we could sit wherever we wanted today, and Dustin sits right in front of us. Things are looking up. I throw Cappie a look, just to find she has the exact same expression on her face that I do. We laugh, and start to talk/draw. Somehow, I’m not exactly sure how this happened, everyone was signing my arm like it was a cast. And when I say everyone I mean EVERYONE. Everyone in our class. Pretty soon I have people’s names all the way up to my shoulder, plus little messages/inside jokes. Fun. One thing I’m happy about though... Dustin and Eeyore signed my arm...

Bell rings again, and WAYYY to soon. Math. Ugh. The one good thing is that all of my friends are in the class. The bad part is the subject. I used to love math, until we got this dumbass teacher... ugh. Anyway, me and Leesh go through the routine passing of notes during the class, and of course, she’s utterly oblivious... as usual. I catch Mark’s eye, (he’s like in LOVE with Leesh, and they are besties too... she doesn’t know he likes her.) and start to hastily talk to Leesh about how awesome he is.
The teacher drones on, and I kinda tune her out, work on my homework that’s due today, and pass notes as usual/text. I swear, math is like a study hall. The bell FINALLY rings and me and Leesh rush out.

“Kevin.” We say simultaneously, and wait for Kevin by his next class, which happens to be in the room over from us. We have lunch 4th period, so it’s really no biggie if we’re late...

After having our sufficient Kevin time, we go into the lunch room, buy our lunch (Leesh's consists of an actual meal, and mine consists of a cookie), and make our way to our table. Seeing only Ursula, Cappuccino, and Gabby there, we make a quick uturn and head towards the water fountain. We pass by Eeyore and Dustin... Me and Eeyore talk for abet, while Sugar talks to Dustin. Leesh just stands there, flitting in between us.

Now I’m going to skip until 7th period. Not much more happened during lunch, NOTHING happened during 5th, and 6th, the only major thing was my awesome convo with our table during drama.

Me and Leesh rush outside from drama to go to the Walk for Breast Cancer, which takes place from 7th to 8th period... And hoping to catch a glimpse of Kevin. We give in our slips, and get ready to walk, waiting for Tom, Nik, Katrina, Cap, Cappie, and Fifi. For the record, Fifi’s the sweetest girl in the world... Me, Nik, Ursula (ugh), Cappie and Leesh start out, assuming the rest of them have already started, which they have. We walk for a bit, talk about shit... then decided we’re bored and just chill for the rest of the time.

Lemme just stress how much I LOVE my friends. They are seriously the only things that get me through the day. On the way back inside to grab my bag, I see, out of the corner of my eye, Eeyore and Lindz kissing. That was a lovely sight... completely ruined the rest of my seemingly perfect day... Leesh just pushes me towards the door so I don’t have time to comment... final bell rings. Schools out for the day.

Lol, I kinda shortened it... Couldn't you tell. :P

alright izzy...where to start...
first, to answer your question, yes, i can tell that it was "shortened" and by that i mean that i noticed when you deliberately skipped out on 5th and 6th period(which is understood based on what you stated in the story) and also, i noticed how shortened it was by the way it was written, which to be perfectly honest, was pretty good. i actually liked this. it's kind of quirky and catty all in one. it's fun and it reads like a breeze. i like the sense of humor that seems to blanket the whole piece. in other words, its a never ending world of observation in school and that doesn't get old.

i think this is an excellent exercise for you: to turn the events of your day into a short story, but, it feels like it needs some unpacking, some flourished detail and metaphoric usage so that it can carry more of the elements that a "story" needs. also, there isn't much of a plot so you can make up for that with more adjectives and similes and other literary elements like that. i see that you have a certain writing style that requires you to keep an out out on a lot of people and i understand that this is just school and perhaps not a lot of things happen every single day, but the situations your writing about could do with some more diverse detail about the characters and the setting especially if you plan to write about them everyday. you want your words and the people to come alive on paper just as they are in your face everyday. go ahead and explore them that way. if you are concerned about giving away too much about someone or something, you can even change their names (for the record i think the names in here are awesomely unique) so as to not give away any confidences and whatnot.

okay, so i don't have much else to say at the moment, other than that i think that you wrapped the story/day up well by ending it with the witnessed kiss between Eeyore and Lindz. what i was missing there goes a lot in line with what i was saying before: i want to feel what you felt at that moment, not just see it. give me a reason to feel really bad(if that's what your aiming for) or to at least nod my head and be like "aww...i feel ya...i feel ya..." otherwise, i think that this event was a decent way to end the story because you indicated throughout the piece all of the guys you like. maybe for your next story/school day, you can go into detail about what exactly it is that you like about them. heres a tip: make it as clear and honest as you can(no lies, no cutting corners) so that you can understand your reasons to the fullest. do they make sense to you after you have taken the time to hash it all out in a peaceful, quiet environment or wherever it is that you do your writing, where no one can alter your ideas and opinions as may occur at school? ask yourself this as you read the story back to yourself after you've written it.

do you see what im saying? make these short versions of your everyday life an opportunity for you to understand yourself and the people around you. i think this is a good idea for you, no doubt, but make it interesting and animated as well okay? and one more thing: be careful. if it's too risky to write about, or if you're unsure in anyway, then think it through before you put pen to paper. you don't want someone to come across this and get the wrong idea. if these kind of concerns start to plague then perhaps you shouldn't write about it. so far, i think what you've written is fine. keep it fun if you must, but if you feel that you are on the more serious side of things and you like drama and you're not afraid of going there when writing about real life events then by all means, go for it.

in a nutshell, great job.

:) Thank you! Yeah, I'm gonna write one just about like backround, seeing as I probably won't have time over the week to explain every person/thing EVERY time. Thank you so much. And lol, no one in my school has a goodreads, so I'm fine. :) And I did change the names. But not too much actually. I'm going to try to like pay attention more, but really, it's just a diary written as a story. I'm hoping to actually write it as one, but that can wait for a later date. (teehee that rhymed.) Again, thank you SO MUCH for your advice/help. You are truley AMAZING.

no problem at all izzy! and i understand completely about it being a diary type thing here. nonetheless it still comes off very creative and i did find it to be well written. post more =)

:) Thank you guys... I'm not going to post on weekends... just during the weekdays. Unless something important happens/happened.