Chirenjenzie discussion

Hey guys! I'm working on the back cover of HAVEN, and I need some feedback and outside opinions. What do you think about the following? It has three sections, just FYI :)


The Troubling Past

From the outside, seventeen year-old Ashton Blake’s life is a breeze: a wealthy family, a promising future, and a boyfriend to match. But in truth, she’s drowning. Her dad is a walking flatline, her doting boyfriend is physically leaving his mark, and Ashton’s desire-turned-obsession for water is ruling her life.

The Strange Present

When tragedy strikes, Ashton set outs on a road trip, leaving the comforts of Malibu for the mountains of Kentucky. Along the way, she meets mysterious drifter Gabe Willoughby. With eyes like the ocean and a general ability to set her pulse racing, Ashton can’t help but feel drawn to him…even if she shouldn’t.

The Unsettling Future

Gabe’s presence unlocks the buried secrets of Ashton’s past, and she soon finds herself plunged into a world where water is air and myth becomes reality. Just as Ashton comes to accept her newfound heritage, she’s summoned to fulfill a treaty laid down centuries before—a treaty that will divide her love and test her loyalty. Now, Ashton is forced to choose between fulfilling the past and following her own future. To run may mean war, but is she strong enough to stay?


What issues do you see in this? Better ways of wording? Is it intriguing/confusing? Any and all thoughts are much appreciated! Thanks, guys!

I had to pause over the "and a boyfriend to match" . . . boyfriend to match what? I think I would like that to be clarified a bit. Kevin is gorgeous and rich and powerful so maybe something alluding more to that? Otherwise first paragraph rocks

LOVE the present--can't help but wish you could include that hot thermal shirt in the description LOL j/j. Great job here.

LOVE the ending. It is great. Love love love. CAN'T WAIT for you to send over the latest version!!! HUGS girlfriend

"with eyes like the ocean"...sentence looks a little weird, but that's the only thing I saw! Looks good to me!

Hahahaha, Rach! I could probably include that thermal in there ;) Especially since Megan doesn't like the eyes part lol!

Thanks girls!

You know I'm teasing. Let that be a delicious surprise for the reader like it was for me. Sigh. Gabe Gabe Gabe

ROFL!!! All right then ;) I hope others can appreciate it the same way you have!

Hahaha! I didnt say I didn't like the eye part...the sentence structure just feels a little off. That's all. :-P