عاشقانه هاي پاك- Pure Love discussion

Jokes and comic sentences.

A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How will you divide your kids, you have 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR!!!!

A man visits his Chinese friend dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
The man went to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words.
And finds It means "U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!"

Boss Kidnapped

Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in loud discussions during office time.....

Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, they ask, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"

They're asking for USD 1000,000 ransoms, otherwise they're going to douse him with petrol and set him on fire.

We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."

One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?

.

.

"About 1 liter."

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE One

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE TWO

To the optimist: the glass is half full.
To the pessimist: the glass is half empty.
To the engineer: the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE THREE

The graduate with a Science degree asks: "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks: "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?!"
& the graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE FOUR

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket…
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE FIVE

A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The priest said, "Hey, here come the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied. "Oh yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight! Saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Man conducting a survey asked a lady:
- Which book has helped you most in your life?
Lady:
- My husband's Cheque Book!!!

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

First Guy (proudly):
-"My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy:
-"You're lucky, mine's still alive.

"Love is blind; Marriage is an eye opener!"

When I was a kid, my mom told me that angels live in heaven...
Now I know that it is not true...
Because if angels live in heaven,

WHY I AM HERE?

you should do 2 things when
you wake up in the morning
Pray to God so you can live.
Have shower so others can live

An English professor wrote the words:
"WOMAN WITHOUT HER MAN IS NOTHING"
on the blackboard, and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.

> The men wrote:
"Woman, WITHOUT HER MAN, is nothing."

> The women wrote:
"WOMAN!! WITHOUT HER, man is nothing!

Love is sweet poison:
Do not consume without your beloved"s advise
and keep out of reach of children
and keep it in cool and dark place.

Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street!

Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa!

Three blonde men are stranded on one side of a wide river, and don't know how to get across.

The first man prays to God to make him smart enough to figure out how to cross the river, so God turns him into a brown-haired man and he swims across.

The second man prays to God to make him even smarter, so God turns him into a dark-haired man and he builds a boat and rows across.

Then the third man prays to God to make him the smartest of all, so God turns him into a woman and he walks across the bridge!!!

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry!!!

Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Christian school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
Someone had written a note and placed it next to the apples.
It read, “Take only one, God is watching.”

Moving through the line, to the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
one little boy wrote his own note and snuck it next to the cookies,
“Take all you want, God is watching the apples.”!!!

Three pastors went to the pastor convention and were all sharing one room.

The first pastor said, “Let’s confess our secret sins one to another.
I’ll start - my secret sin is I just love to gamble.
When I go out of town, it’s cha-ching cha-ching, let the machines ring.”

The second pastor said, “My secret sin is that I just hate working. I copy all my sermons from those given by other pastors.”

The third pastor said, “My secret sin is gossiping and, oh boy, I just can’t wait to get out of this room!”

There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere, and says there is a magic pool just outside their hotel room. He tells them "Ok, you must jump off the diving board, and yell out what you wanna land in."
So the three guys go over to the pool.

The first guy, a vegetarian, yells out "Bananas!" and lands in a pool of bananas.
The second guy was money hungry and yelled out "Money!" and lands in a pile of money.
The third guy jumps, when a bird shits on his head, and he yells "Oh Shit!"

A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"

What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so much bigger.

For me U r as...Chees 4 pizza...passport 4 visa...butter 4 bread...ice 4 freezer...cream 4 cake....water 4 lake...leaf 4 tree...a FRIEND like u is 4 ever 4 me..!!

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks for a moment and says,. Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."

Lost Wife
Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around at Home Depot when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, Sorry about that. I m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn t paying attention to where I was going.

The young guy says, That's OK. It's a coincidence. I m looking for my wife, too. I can t find her and I m getting a little worried.

The old guy says, Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?

The young guy says, Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and she s wearing tight dress. What does your wife look like?

The old guy says, Doesn't matter --- let s look for yours.

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted. ?Cause your feet aren't empty."

(((-:

Thanks Fereshteh! Funny!!!!

your welcome dear Maria!also thanks a lot for all of your beautiful texts & poems.

We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry,NO BRAIN found...!

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody

First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.

The other way to get married is a lot more fun,
a lot more rational, and a lot more successful.
It's called dating.

A Permission Marketer goes on a date.
If it goes well, the two of them go on another date. And then another. Until, after ten or twelve dates, both sides can really communicate with each other about their needs and desires.
After twenty dates they meet each other's families.
Finally, after three or four months of dating,
the Permission Marketer proposes marriage.

Permission Marketing is just like dating.
It turns stranger into friends and friends into lifetime customers.
Many of the rules of dating apply, and so do many of the benefits.

PAST IS A WASTEPAPER .
PRESENT IS A NEWSPAPER .
FUTURE IS A QUESTIONPAPER.

LIFE IS AN ANSWERPAPER.
SO CAREFULLY FILL UP THE ANSWER PAPER.

The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions!

A Spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble, which you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single!!!

WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer!!!

In Year 1981
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes
4. Pope Died

In Year 2005
1. Prince Charles got married (again)
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe(again)
3. Australia lost the Ashes (again)
4. Pope Died (again)

Moral of the story -
In future, if Prince Charles decides to re-marry....

please warn the Pope

Every man should get married some time;
after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!!

Three men were asked what they would want to be said about them at their funerals. The first one said, ? want someone to say I was a wonderful father.?The second man said, ? want someone to say I was the greatest baseball player ever.?
The last man said, "I want someone to say, ?e? moving, he? moving!?

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

A blonde woman goes to the doctor and complains that her whole body is aching. She touches her knee and says: "Ouch! That hurt". She then touches her elbow which evokes yet another painful response. She then touches her ear and complains that it is sensitive too.
The doctor then examines her and says: "Well, Madam, I am sure that will be the case - your finger is broken."

Whoever said money can't buy happiness din't know where to shop.

A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free!!!

"21st Century...."

We are becoming lesser by the day:

Our communication - Wireless
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Salary - Very Very less

Our comments - useless (especially this one)! (-: