Truth, Tragedy, and Combinations Thereof discussion

There's an Asking Alexandria song that puts the point of this discussion very plainly: "Scars don't heal when you keep cutting." I can say from experience that talking about self-mutilation can make you strong enough to resist sometimes. Putting the reasons out there, admitting what hurts you so deeply as to cause you to want physical pain either as a punishment or a distraction to drown out the original agony is liberating. Plus, they really don't heal. My fingers now say, "Love me" and my palm said, "sorry."...that's a few of the more interesting ones, anyway...

And now we've got some new scars!!! :D my fukking bitch sister was making fun of me for taking antidepressants, which, of course, made me mad. My fukking mom did NOTHING to stop it, actually defended her. So I'm screaming & crying & telling K***** to go to hell, stop being a jackass and whatnot, so my Mommy decides to bitch at me for language. I stormed off to my room after blatantly informing them that I hate them both. Bitch mommy follows me to my room, and starts trying to tell me that I'm being outrageous (she didn't use that word, btw. Her vocabulary could be contained in an ant). So I told her she's a horrible mother for letting k***** sit there & make fun of me for something that isn't my fault (I've got Major Recurrent Depression, OCD, a social phobia, and now bipolar disorder is a good possibility as far as diagnosises go. Fukk me.) But, anywho, I was born with all this shit cuz my daddy's really fukked in the head. My mom turns it around & tries to tell me that how I feel is my fault & that I'm in total control of which genetic disorders affect me. I told her to get the hell out of my room cuz all her presence was serving to do was make things worse. She threatened me with therapy again, which made me threaten her with what i can promise will happen if she ever tries to send me to a fukking shrinks office. I WILL end it all before that happens. Then she tried to convince me that I'm "not who I think I want to make everyone think I am" and that my whole existence was based on lies. At which point I told her that she'd better GET THE FUKK OUT OF MY FACE and leave me the hell alone. She managed for like 5 minutes before she had to come pop in with another comment, and I told her to kindly go the fukk away. Which lasted for another five minutes before she came back and told me that my screaming made my puppy throw up. So I played with my razor blades for a bit, and here we are at the present...waiting for the blood to trickle to a stop.

What's wrong with a therapist?

Oh wow now you've done it, world. Fukking stupid people being stupid and inconsiderate & hurting me when they don't understand shit, and blood, so much blood God I don't even know anymore I am so done only hanging on by a thread, not sure how much longer I'll make it. D'X

Um..... okay..... So your saying that therapists don't understand you and criticize you?

No just people in general. It seems like the people who are supposed to listen and not judge are the worst about it, though.

Hmmm....... I don't tell people when I'm depressed or anything. I didn't tell my sister or my brother 'cause I was pretty sure they would judge me..... so I can kind of understand what you're saying.

Everyone knows that I am cuz in all tragic reality, my pills are sometimes the only reason I can keep breathing. My mom is more judgemental than anybody else, though. She doesn't understand any of it, nor does she want to. I don't talk to her anymore about it, except when I'm asking for a higher dose/more pills. My body actually knocks me out sometimes, so I don't have to keep dealing with life. I got yelled at for that a few days ago, as a matter of fact.

What do you mean, you body knocks you out sometimes?

If I get too stressed I kinda just fall asleep.

Oh.

I have a question for you: What does it mean to be goth? Cuz I've been trying to find out.....

Goth pretty much stands for anyone or anything that enjoys a dark, sometimes ironic elegance. Think swirling hypnotic patterns, "Enjoy the Silence"by Depech Mode, any number of goth bands: The Cure, Souxie and the Banshees, etc. Most goths (which should not be capitalized, a common misconception being that it is. Just a thought.) Frequent cemeteries, as they find them to be serene, and some feel that their creativity spikes amongst the aged trees, in the cool grass with the scent of nature dancing in their nose. Goths tend to be cynical, and black is by far the favorite color, though white is also surprisingly popular. Goths tend to have various religions, anything from Christianity to Satanism to. Wicca. Spooky stuff is loved, and dark, ironic humor is the most often seen. Some also engage in self-mutilation, but are not violent towards others in most cases. You may have heard that the kids responsible for the Columbine shooting were Goth, but they weren't actually. they were neo-nazists (think I spelled that right...) lots of goths wear brands like Tripp, Demonia, etc. There are so many variations of Goth, though, that I don't feel like I can give a good enough description. I highly recommend picking up the book "The Goth Bible" by Nancy kilpatrick. I happened upon it one day at the library, and there's so much good information it's not even funny. Oh, and many goths prefer classic literature like Anne rice, Dracula, Frankenstein's monster...you get the idea. And no, I'm not intentionally being a hypocrite. My phone's got a dumb auto-correct.

Is there a difference between being emo and goth?

lots of new scars :\

Yoite *Don't know what He's capable of doing* wrote: "lots of new scars :\"

I can relate

to many, every morning or night, i creat new ones ;|

Yoite *Don't know what He's capable of doing* wrote: "to many, every morning or night, i creat new ones ;|"

I re open mine so that they get even deeper.

xXscreaming_dreaming_dyingXx wrote: "Everyone knows that I am cuz in all tragic reality, my pills are sometimes the only reason I can keep breathing. My mom is more judgemental than anybody else, though. She doesn't understand any of ..."

My mom is really judgemental as well. I understand. It is like you body just kind of shuts off.

xXscreaming_dreaming_dyingXx wrote: "And now we've got some new scars!!! :D my fukking bitch sister was making fun of me for taking antidepressants, which, of course, made me mad. My fukking mom did NOTHING to stop it, actually defend..."

Holy Crap. Your sister in like a....There are like Way too many bad words to describe her. I wish my mom would let me talk to her that way. She would probably put my head through the wall or send me to some rehab for "disturbed" children. Or she would just bring my dad into the picture and he would "take care of me".

Oh, they don't know I talk that way. But it's something I just do when I vent...it somehow makes me feel better. =\