Debates of all sorts discussion

It depends on child. Every kid/ teen and even adults learn differently and take things differently.

well, I don't much agree with the trend in some places to reward each and every child no matter what- like giving everyone on the soccer team a trophy, not keeping score, stuff like that. seems like it's gonna create a generation of self-entitled buttholes....

well, that's how people learn- negative and positive reinforcement...so, as long as the reward was earned, and positive isn't the only reinforcement used, I don't really see what the problem would be...

Each kid can learn and take things in differently.

I think that it really should vary on the child - like, a parent should try different methods and see what works best.

I agree with the article, I've noticed myself and my sister being demotivated by rewards...and punishments too, to be honest. Explanations have always worked best for me, my sister goes on more of a "well I respect this person so if they tell me not to do something I won't" sort of thing.

I loved stickers as a kid...

Huh. At this point I can't really tell what's up for discussion - are we talking about systemic rewards, like sticker charts, or are we talking about if/then 'bribery' type rewards? And for that matter, what age group are we talking about?

So I guess I'll kind of toss out my two cents on all of those possibilities, just to cover my bases.

TO my mind, the best kind of parenting style is founded on mutual love and respect between parents and child - not authoritarian, not indulgent, but always respectful. Now, I don't have kids myself, but this is always the way I've interacted with them while babysitting - no talking down to them, no giving sidestepping answers if they ask me about complicated topics (unless it's something that's not age-appropriate) but explaining carefully. This is partly because I was a precocious child and have always found it frustrating when people talked down to me, and partly because (as Rachel mentioned above) I've always been more motivated to do something when I understand its purpose. The most frustrating varieties of homework, for instance, are the ones that feel like busywork, whereas the most tolerable or even enjoyable are the ones with clear goals.

That being said, there are some concepts that can't really be taught that way. It's hard, as a child, to take your mom seriously when she tells you to clean your room before you trip over something (until it happens, of course) and in that kind of situation something like a sticker chart is good. The individual stickers are sort of rewards in and of themselves, but often they're also a way of keeping track of how the child earns another reward - chocolate sauce on their ice cream on Saturday night or something like that. To me, that seems a pretty good way to handle things - you teach them that if they work and do things they don't like, they can thereby obtain things they do, and you make the 'cost' of the tangible reward large enough that it enforces a pattern of behavior. If it's tied to, say, cleaning a room, eventually the child will just be so accustomed to keeping their space tidy that they do it automatically.

Which brings me to another point - reward systems should be phased out as kids grow up. A seven year-old might need a sticker chart to get them to clean their room, but it would be silly for a fifteen year-old to have one. As the kid gets older, the reward and the system used should mature with them - and there should be a larger element of 'stick' to go with the 'carrot'. Younger kids don't understand punishment as well as older kids do, which is why I personally think anything more than scolding is a disproportionate response to most younger children's misbehavior. Older children are more capable of assessing consequences and the risk/benefit balance of a behavior; if they're threatened with having their privileges taken away, they understand the situation a lot better than a little kid does.

So for older children, something like... oh, getting a little extra dessert when they bring home good grades that they've worked hard for would be the only kind of 'reward system' I would favor. As part of the aging up, the reward should be harder to reach and slightly smaller, because as they mature hopefully they'll learn that the benefits of doing the right thing and doing it well are their own reward.

I don't think that reward systems create people who do the right thing for the wrong reasons if they're handled correctly. Rewards should be treated as a pleasant byproduct of good behavior, not the end for which behavior is the means. Kind of like when you're interacting with other people, you should be nice to them because they deserve your respect, not because you want something from them.

Hopefully this makes sense!

The only problem I can see with that is a child might start misbehaving if they suddenly stopped being rewarded for something. I mean, I didn't really ever have any sort of rewards for doing anything (except for once, and that was very out of the blue and never happened again :P) but when a punishment is imposed on something that wasn't previously regulated, I kind of rebel against that.

I guess the trick there would be to couch it in terms of 'you're mature enough that you don't need x now'? It's all kind of theory for me, though, obviously, as I have no kids.

Nina wrote: "But in life, you DON'T always get something every time you do something good. I mean,in the long run, you do, but not always immediately."

so would you have less of a problem with a reward system where the reward was delayed? like, the kid has to continue working toward it all year, or something like that?

So, out of curiosity, how would you teach your child right from wrong without positive reinforcement?

A prize isn't the only form of positive reinforcement...just saying >.<

And a prize isn't the only form of reward.

Oh, I thought we were talking about systems where prizes were given for good behavior, sorry :P

I think it could be both? I just feel like a lot of the comments have come off as kind of 'no positive reinforcement ever' so... and if I'm reading it wrong, at least we will have conclusive clarification as a result.

Maybe. This topic is a bit confusing, as you mentioned somewhere above.

Wow, I haven't checked this group in ages. I stink. But anyway...

No, I personally don't agree with reward systems. I think kids should learn to do good things just for the sake of being good––not because it will get them a reward. The best reward is simply praise, in my opinion. Like, if my kid did something good, I'd tell them they did the right thing. But I wouldn't be like, "Good job! Here's a cookie." And I think kids should be given time-outs or something like that, if they do something wrong.

Of course, I may be a bit biased since this is the way I was raised. My parents never relied on reward systems and I turned out a pretty good kid, if I do say so myself. :P So, I would probably use the same tactics with my own kids.

Go Brigid and NIna! I'm go' kiss your asses! Yeah!
(Jks- LOL! LMFAO!)

Um ... please don't.

Sorry LADIES.
Just a joke.
:P

Aleph wrote: "i personally think that stickers dont count as presents."

Stickers are definitely presents...my piano teacher gives me stickers (I'm 15...'-_-) if I get a superior ranking in a competition and they're the best things ever xD

Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* wrote: "Wow, I haven't checked this group in ages. I stink. But anyway...

No, I personally don't agree with reward systems. I think kids should learn to do good things just for the sake of being good––not..."

It's the way I was raised too, with random treats like Nina suggested. Then again...my parents completely disagree with my view of morality, so I'm not sure how well that worked >.<

Zack wrote: "Sorry LADIES.
Just a joke.
:P"

Ha. Haha. You know, it's real funny how you criticized Rachel for talking about depression/suicide in this group (in a topic where it was completely relevant), and then you go and make jokes about kissing people's asses ... for no reason whatsoever.

I haven't read any of the posts, but I just want to say, I've always loved getting sweets and a reward. Stars and stickers have never motivated me. When I did something well, and I got this nice strawberry lolly, I was pretty motivated. Or maybe, I was just hyper! :)