Please give me feedback - even if you are not a fan of either fandom - because I want to know about character development, setup, grammar, etc.
This is the beginning of a Doctor Who/Harry Potter crossover one shot I've been working on at 11:30 PM. Even if you're not familiar with Doctor Who, I'd love feedback. It's Victoire/Eleven.
This story is, I believe, my best work of fanfiction ever.
Drops of Jupiter
tell me, did you fall for a shooting star one without a permanant scar and did you miss me when you were looming for yourself out there --drops of jupiter ;; train
Every story starts with a beginning, and theirs starts with heartbreak. He heals a part of her that's been broken, and for a while, everything was perfect.
-
i.
She's twenty-one and he's twenty-three and her sister's twenty-even.
He's marrying her sister (that's what they're announcing) and after all these years this is when she says she's loved him.
"But you're supposed to be lesbian!"
Victoire's jaw drops. "Lesbian? Why would you think that?"
"Well," he says, "you never showed interest in guys..."
She's crying now. "Because there was only ever one!"
She runs and Dominique is crying because she never meant to hurt anyone and it's a mile before she realises no one's coming for her and she's just standing alone on the grass by the lake alone.
That's when she sits down and cries. She cries and cries and her pretty pink sundress is ruined and her gold curls are a tangled mess and naturally, when she hears a strange noise she reaches for her wand.
Then a box - a box? - falls tumbling out of the sky, and oh, it lands on its side, half of it hanging haphazardly off the dock.
The box is the bluest blue she's ever seen.
-
ii.
When the brown-haired man with those green eyes comes out, she's not sure what to say.
But she pats down frizzed hair and smooths out her skirt because she feels like she should try and impress him for some reason.
He has funny hair that kind of poufs in the front and his bowtie is slightly askew and his tweed jacket has little patches on the elbows. When he hops out of his big blue box, she sees that his pants are short and you can see his shoes and socks.
She asks, "Who are you?"
He says, "I'm the Doctor."
-
iii.
He asks her who she is, and she tells him that she's Victoire Weasley.
She notices that his eyes light up and he murmurs something about a "rolling" and her Uncle Harry.
He says it's an honor meeting her, and she's not quite sure why.
She runs fingers through her hair trying to figure out why he'a saying that, because she's not that famous and she's fairly sure they haven't met before.
He asks her why she's been crying, and she tells him why.
And the he asks if she wants to go with him.
-
iv.
He tells her how his box works and she's convinced it's magic.
He tells her how they would travel and live and run and save worlds.
She's hoping on a bit of finding love along the way.
She says she'll go with him and he says that's brilliant but first he needs to fix his box.
He hops into his... box? Turtle? TARDIS? Police box?
And before he goes in he tells her he'll be back in two minutes.
-
v.
It's been three years, and she hasn't given up on him.
After a day, she'd returned to her flat. But then an idea had hit her, and she'd paid her brother and James and Fred to help her build a little house by the lake.
She loved it there. She'd always loved the water, but now it was something more.
She waits for him, and every day before she leaves for work and after work she checks to see if he's back.
But the vworp of his box is never heard, but she doesn't give up.
-
vi.
It's a cold, winter day when he comes back, and Victoire's marking a tally mark on her wall - another year.
He hadn't gone back for three years.
And she tucks into bed, warm in her nightie and whispers, "Nox."
She's almost asleep when she hears it.
Vworp.
-
vii.
She pulls on a robe and hurries to the door.
She opens it, and Merlin, he's there, and Merlin, he hasn't aged a day.
He smiles at her, his smile so the same, his old-young eyes shining, and Oh, she thinks, They're beautiful.
He says, "I'm back."
She doesn't quite have the heart to tell him how late he is.
Instead, she says, "When are we leaving?"
He beams at her. "Whenever you'd like, Miss Weasley."
She smiles sleepily at him and stifles a yawn. "How's about morning?"
"Sounds good to me." He shrugs, and smiles at her.
"Would you like to stay overnight?" she asks. "I have an extra room."
"It's alright," he says. "I'll stay in the TARDIS."
"Well," she says, "Can I get you a cup of tea, then?"
-
viii.
They leave in the morning.
He promises her that when they come back, they can go back to that same day and to not worry.
She tells him that she's worried she'll miss her family too much.
He says he'll take her back whenever she wants to.
She says to leave before she changes her mind.
-
ix.
The first time they kiss, it's on the planet Barcelona.
There are dogs with no noses there.
It happens when they're in a sweet little pet shop in a small town, and Victoire's playing with a puppy - a puppy with no nose, mind you - and that's when he leans in and just kisses her.
She enjoys it. So does he.
She's fallen in love with him and he's fallen in love with her.
They're in love, and this time, the Doctor's not letting his love get away.
-
x.
The last time they kiss, they're at the Burrow.
Her grandparents are dead now - they're dead, dead, dead, dead - and oh, she wishes she could spend more time with them. She wishes she'd gone back earlier.
He tells her that she can.
But somehow, she thinks that seeing them alive and happy will only make her sad.
(He knows she's right.)
That's when she tells him she's staying.
She's over Teddy and Dominique's pregnant with her second child - and oh, the first is named Victoire. She's ready to live her own life and she's ready to overcome everything life throws at her. She's all grown up, and he sees that's she's become one of the most magnificent women to ever live.
He tells her he loves her and she tells him the same.
They both lean in this time, and they know it'll be the last time.
-
Every story ends with an ending, and theirs ends in heartbreak. He'd healed a part of her that'd been broken, and he remembers a time when everything was perfect.
This is the beginning of a Doctor Who/Harry Potter crossover one shot I've been working on at 11:30 PM. Even if you're not familiar with Doctor Who, I'd love feedback. It's Victoire/Eleven.
This story is, I believe, my best work of fanfiction ever.
Drops of Jupiter
tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
one without a permanant scar
and did you miss me when you were looming for
yourself out there
--drops of jupiter ;; train
Every story starts with a beginning, and theirs starts with heartbreak. He heals a part of her that's been broken, and for a while, everything was perfect.
-
i.
She's twenty-one and he's twenty-three and her sister's twenty-even.
He's marrying her sister (that's what they're announcing) and after all these years this is when she says she's loved him.
"But you're supposed to be lesbian!"
Victoire's jaw drops. "Lesbian? Why would you think that?"
"Well," he says, "you never showed interest in guys..."
She's crying now. "Because there was only ever one!"
She runs and Dominique is crying because she never meant to hurt anyone and it's a mile before she realises no one's coming for her and she's just standing alone on the grass by the lake alone.
That's when she sits down and cries. She cries and cries and her pretty pink sundress is ruined and her gold curls are a tangled mess and naturally, when she hears a strange noise she reaches for her wand.
Then a box - a box? - falls tumbling out of the sky, and oh, it lands on its side, half of it hanging haphazardly off the dock.
The box is the bluest blue she's ever seen.
-
ii.
When the brown-haired man with those green eyes comes out, she's not sure what to say.
But she pats down frizzed hair and smooths out her skirt because she feels like she should try and impress him for some reason.
He has funny hair that kind of poufs in the front and his bowtie is slightly askew and his tweed jacket has little patches on the elbows. When he hops out of his big blue box, she sees that his pants are short and you can see his shoes and socks.
She asks, "Who are you?"
He says, "I'm the Doctor."
-
iii.
He asks her who she is, and she tells him that she's Victoire Weasley.
She notices that his eyes light up and he murmurs something about a "rolling" and her Uncle Harry.
He says it's an honor meeting her, and she's not quite sure why.
She runs fingers through her hair trying to figure out why he'a saying that, because she's not that famous and she's fairly sure they haven't met before.
He asks her why she's been crying, and she tells him why.
And the he asks if she wants to go with him.
-
iv.
He tells her how his box works and she's convinced it's magic.
He tells her how they would travel and live and run and save worlds.
She's hoping on a bit of finding love along the way.
She says she'll go with him and he says that's brilliant but first he needs to fix his box.
He hops into his... box? Turtle? TARDIS? Police box?
And before he goes in he tells her he'll be back in two minutes.
-
v.
It's been three years, and she hasn't given up on him.
After a day, she'd returned to her flat. But then an idea had hit her, and she'd paid her brother and James and Fred to help her build a little house by the lake.
She loved it there. She'd always loved the water, but now it was something more.
She waits for him, and every day before she leaves for work and after work she checks to see if he's back.
But the vworp of his box is never heard, but she doesn't give up.
-
vi.
It's a cold, winter day when he comes back, and Victoire's marking a tally mark on her wall - another year.
He hadn't gone back for three years.
And she tucks into bed, warm in her nightie and whispers, "Nox."
She's almost asleep when she hears it.
Vworp.
-
vii.
She pulls on a robe and hurries to the door.
She opens it, and Merlin, he's there, and Merlin, he hasn't aged a day.
He smiles at her, his smile so the same, his old-young eyes shining, and Oh, she thinks, They're beautiful.
He says, "I'm back."
She doesn't quite have the heart to tell him how late he is.
Instead, she says, "When are we leaving?"
He beams at her. "Whenever you'd like, Miss Weasley."
She smiles sleepily at him and stifles a yawn. "How's about morning?"
"Sounds good to me." He shrugs, and smiles at her.
"Would you like to stay overnight?" she asks. "I have an extra room."
"It's alright," he says. "I'll stay in the TARDIS."
"Well," she says, "Can I get you a cup of tea, then?"
-
viii.
They leave in the morning.
He promises her that when they come back, they can go back to that same day and to not worry.
She tells him that she's worried she'll miss her family too much.
He says he'll take her back whenever she wants to.
She says to leave before she changes her mind.
-
ix.
The first time they kiss, it's on the planet Barcelona.
There are dogs with no noses there.
It happens when they're in a sweet little pet shop in a small town, and Victoire's playing with a puppy - a puppy with no nose, mind you - and that's when he leans in and just kisses her.
She enjoys it. So does he.
She's fallen in love with him and he's fallen in love with her.
They're in love, and this time, the Doctor's not letting his love get away.
-
x.
The last time they kiss, they're at the Burrow.
Her grandparents are dead now - they're dead, dead, dead, dead - and oh, she wishes she could spend more time with them. She wishes she'd gone back earlier.
He tells her that she can.
But somehow, she thinks that seeing them alive and happy will only make her sad.
(He knows she's right.)
That's when she tells him she's staying.
She's over Teddy and Dominique's pregnant with her second child - and oh, the first is named Victoire. She's ready to live her own life and she's ready to overcome everything life throws at her. She's all grown up, and he sees that's she's become one of the most magnificent women to ever live.
He tells her he loves her and she tells him the same.
They both lean in this time, and they know it'll be the last time.
-
Every story ends with an ending, and theirs ends in heartbreak. He'd healed a part of her that'd been broken, and he remembers a time when everything was perfect.