So I started reading This Beautiful Mess while laying on the couch recovering from knee surgery. Here is an excerpt from my blogging I did about the fourth chapter.
McKinley starts with the two-sentence sermon which Jesus uses to launch his ministry: "The kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news!" McKinley focuses on repentance, which I smugly agree is a good place to start.
"Repent is a good, strong word, full of hope and new beginnings. In the context of Jesus' kingdom, repent is an invitation to another world, another life, a way of being that was supposed to be all along and can be now. If we want with all our hearts to see and experience the kingdom that Jesus came to announce, we must begin with the promise of His first word. We must turn around. Go the opposite way." (p. 49)
Of course, repenting makes sense - we should repent when we are not going Jesus' way. But how few times I see just how often I need to repent. McKinley answers this internal question for me:
Actually, we need to repent often. We need to repent, for example, of our convenient assumption that following Jesus and pursuing the American Dream are in complete harmony and will take us in pretty much the same direction. They won't. The reality of the kingdom is dangerous and beautiful and life-altering. (p. 49-50)
Ok, I'm still with him, I think. I do realize that the American Dream often contradicts the gospel in some regards. But later on this page, my heart sinks, because now the call to repent becomes personal.
One of the biggest challenges to following Jesus into His kingdom is not a lack of direction but a lack of desire. Most of us don't really want to do it.... We realized that if we wanted to live out the kingdom, we would need to get our hearts before God. Only His Spirit can create spiritual desire." (p. 50-51)
It hit me pretty hard. I've been complaining for weeks, no, months, (years?) about not being able to find what I'm looking for in community, in church. I've been talking and writing about how I want something more real, more authentic, more personal. And I think I finally realize that I've been stuck in this place because I really don't have the desire to be truly changed or to truly repent. I'm stuck in my ways because I don't want to be doing anything different. What if it is hard? What if I have to sacrifice something? What if I have to change? (!!!!)
If I want to be a part of the kingdom of God, it is so clear that I need to repent. I need to take up my bed and walk toward Jesus, confess my unwillingness to change, and ask for help for my unbelief. I need to repent. I need to go the other way. I do want to see the kingdom. But I definitely need help in repenting. Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.
McKinley starts with the two-sentence sermon which Jesus uses to launch his ministry: "The kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news!" McKinley focuses on repentance, which I smugly agree is a good place to start.
"Repent is a good, strong word, full of hope and new beginnings. In the context of Jesus' kingdom, repent is an invitation to another world, another life, a way of being that was supposed to be all along and can be now.
If we want with all our hearts to see and experience the kingdom that Jesus came to announce, we must begin with the promise of His first word. We must turn around. Go the opposite way." (p. 49)
Of course, repenting makes sense - we should repent when we are not going Jesus' way. But how few times I see just how often I need to repent. McKinley answers this internal question for me:
Actually, we need to repent often. We need to repent, for example, of our convenient assumption that following Jesus and pursuing the American Dream are in complete harmony and will take us in pretty much the same direction. They won't. The reality of the kingdom is dangerous and beautiful and life-altering. (p. 49-50)
Ok, I'm still with him, I think. I do realize that the American Dream often contradicts the gospel in some regards. But later on this page, my heart sinks, because now the call to repent becomes personal.
One of the biggest challenges to following Jesus into His kingdom is not a lack of direction but a lack of desire. Most of us don't really want to do it.... We realized that if we wanted to live out the kingdom, we would need to get our hearts before God. Only His Spirit can create spiritual desire." (p. 50-51)
It hit me pretty hard. I've been complaining for weeks, no, months, (years?) about not being able to find what I'm looking for in community, in church. I've been talking and writing about how I want something more real, more authentic, more personal. And I think I finally realize that I've been stuck in this place because I really don't have the desire to be truly changed or to truly repent. I'm stuck in my ways because I don't want to be doing anything different. What if it is hard? What if I have to sacrifice something? What if I have to change? (!!!!)
If I want to be a part of the kingdom of God, it is so clear that I need to repent. I need to take up my bed and walk toward Jesus, confess my unwillingness to change, and ask for help for my unbelief. I need to repent. I need to go the other way. I do want to see the kingdom. But I definitely need help in repenting. Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.