The Writing Elite discussion

So, yeah... My writing! If you don"t mind, please read and give me your thoughts/constructive criticism/advice. Below is a link to a poem a wrote a few days ago when the first line just popped into my head during math class. It's the story of how I became friends with my best friend, Hayley. We've only known each other a year and a half, but we're as close as sisters now. And all because of a history project. :) Please read! Thank you!

http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...

This one is a story that I wrote last summer and have been editing over and over, on and off, for the past several months. Last time I checked, it was about 15 or 16 pages in Word. :) Please read and edit! Thankies! Title: "Aloha Pineapple." (don't ask-- it makes sense when you read it)

http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...