Reviewing Writing discussion

The blare of the streetlamps turned everything in sight white. The droplets of falling rain on Margaret's window twinkled like the starts in the color of the passing car's headlights. There was no moon out - unless you considered the blurry silver dot in the middle of the big black sky a moon.

Margaret was hidden from the rest of the world behind the curtains. Her numb fingers gripped the bleachy white window-sill. She was tense, her shoulders bunched up beside her neck. In fact, she wondered why she was even up here, anxiously standing by the window. Margaret had better things to do.

She switched her position, thrusting her elbows agaisnt the cold window, scrunching her cheeks up with her hands. There was so much to think about that when she asked herself what she was thinking, it was hard to tell. In her mind, you couldn't blame her for standing there. She was different from the rest of them. Margaret still liked dolls, even at age eleven. She liked them for they could do things that she couldn't. They could be bold and brave - stupid, even - and it would be okay. Everyone would be fine about it. There would be no teasing or bullying by the others. She wished she could be like her dolls.

The street lights shut off, and Margaret, left alone in a mean, teasing world, walked to the safety of her bed.

* * * *

Margaret drummed her fingers on the car window. trees stuck out here and there. The grass was yellow and scummy. Big poles connected by wire boxed out a field. Inside where a couple of bison and cows, picking off the yellow grass. She leaned forward, pressing her nose against the window.

The car whizzed by, and beside the field was a rusty old shed with two filthy words claiming it: BEEF STORE.

"Get out of there," whispered Margaret. "Get out! Be free! Jump over the gate!"

The animals did not. The cows kept chewing their cud, staring up dreamily, pathetically. The bison, tough as they were, sagged their shoulders in defeat.

Margaret leaned back in her seat. She was in a cage, a field, just like them. "Get out, Margaret," she told herself.

This is really good I WANT TO KNOW MORE. though I think you could come up with something other than "beef store"......
have you written any more on this?

i like it!!!!!!!! i hope thats not the end!

do you have a plan for the story?

no. i just got in a mood.
pleez post something. i don't wanna be a loner
D:

hahahaha.... I'll try!!!!