Struggling Writers discussion
Creative Writing Prompts
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June 16, 2012: Free Write
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I have to say that it was a hard one, but here it goes, be gentle please! ;)I’ve been observing people in the subway for a while, watching their manerisms, their reactions, imagining who they are and what their lifes are like.
It has taken me over two years but finally I’ve encountered the courage to summarize all those characters in my head that have been bugging to give them life.
Over a hundred thousand words on paper-or on the screen of my laptop-showing my hard work and after a lot of dwelling I’ve decided to let my Goodread friends to tell me what they think about it, to see if it’s good enough to send to an agent. That was twenty four hours ago and still no response.
Paranoia swims in my mind making me think that it was absolute rubbish and people don’t want to give me bad news.
I should check one more time- after hitting my laptop keys a sign pops up in the screen saying-Internet explorer error- Did I pay the phone bill? Yes, I did, I must have…
I check that my prehistoric modem is still properly connected to the phone line, countless of wires hissing at each other like snakes, taken space underneath my desk- Everything seems to be in working order. Then what’s going on?
Refresh the screen, this time it should work; my heart is pounding with the anticipation that someone has read it. Finally the Goodreads logo shows in the screen, breaking my heart in little, sharp pieces. The message said: Goodreads has been permanently shut down.
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Quickly rebooting the computer, I flick to my blue screen and click Start. An ongoing end of tisking mouse clicks. Sweat glistening down my palms, eyebrows twitched, my eyes glue to the window pop up, typing frivolously as my mouth waters with saliva. The lust of writing engorges me. Nonetheless I am still alive of every nerving sound, the peeping footsteps of my ambigous Peter Pan sister Ollie.
She leans her neck on my shoulder, gorging down a slice of pizza peppered with cheese and olives. A sauce stain drips onto her chin.
"Ollie!"
I shriek when i realize her mouth is lurking over the side of my keyboard spit moleculing on my checkered keyboard in numbers. As the Goodreads page distinguishes into view, I can pattern out a jitter of words before the computer turns to black: Goodreads has been permenantly shut down
Eva wrote: "I have to say that it was a hard one, but here it goes, be gentle please! ;)I’ve been observing people in the subway for a while, watching their manerisms, their reactions, imagining who they ar..."
Lovely job Eva. In the begining it was a bit confusing but you pulled everything in and all the thoughts together to make a nice little pargraph detailing it all. I like how you included a bit of her life and how it tied to Goodreads. Just work on your actual phrasing but your sentence structure is very nice.
Ingrid wrote: "Pen nervously in hand, I pretensiously scribbled away into the paperscroll cold in my fingertips. I dab away into the pad, clunking a mess of ink onto the page where a dent stains the paper. Grunti..."Oh wow Ingrid! That was really good! Have you done writting classes?
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No but i only learn from the best authors I've ever read. Eva yours was amazing! I read it twice!
Ingrid wrote: "Eva wrote: "Ingrid wrote: "Pen nervously in hand, I pretensiously scribbled away into the paperscroll cold in my fingertips. I dab away into the pad, clunking a mess of ink onto the page where a de..."really? I loved the way you described eating the pizza, it made me want to eat some! Yum
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Ingrid wrote: "yeah, in fact just had pizza for lunch:D but yours was really interesting. My writing usually bores people to death."Not at all, I was reading that one of a kid breastfeeding and found it funny because I got a glimpse of sarcasm which in my opinion is rare in American wrting. Was it meant to have sarcasm on it?
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Ingrid wrote: "Pen nervously in hand, I pretensiously scribbled away into the paperscroll cold in my fingertips. I dab away into the pad, clunking a mess of ink onto the page where a dent stains the paper. Grunti..."Very nice job Ingrid. I like your descriptions just try to work on how you phrase them so your sentences flow better. Other than that the feel of the piece is even and it is headed in the right direction for fluidity. Thanks for participating!
Ingrid wrote: "yeah, in fact just had pizza for lunch:D but yours was really interesting. My writing usually bores people to death."Don't listen to her Eva it doesn't bore people to death, I actually quite enjoy it :)
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Ingrid wrote: "your welcome. and yeah i was rushing with this piece way too fast but anything to participate"Well, now you know what your faults are when you rush (mine happen to be spelling and basic sentence structure mistakes).
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Goodness, I don't think I have ever had that happen.
My mouth dropped. The screen was wrong...it had to be...'GOODREADS IS PERMANATLY SHUT DOWN'. The words flashed, but my mind wasn't comprehending. All the stories, poetry, friends...gone."There's no way this is true," I told myself reassuringly, "It's probably just a typo...yeah, a typo."
I closed the screen and sighed, Goodreads was practically my life, it couldn't be gone. It couldn't.
"Hey sis'," my brother said, entering the room.
"No more...Goodreads," I whispered, "It's not possible...right?"
He looked confused, "Huh?"
"There might not be a Goodreads anymore," I explained quietly.
"Yay!" he started to do a happy dance.
I jumped out of the chair and ran outside, not wanting to see him. The screen was wrong, Goodreads wasn't gone, and I was going to make sure it wasn't.
"I will have Goodreads back," I said wickedly, walking down the sidewalk.
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yeah i vowed myself never to do that again. But if you've ever had that moment where you spent hours on a beginning chapter rewriting it you'd know how i felt
Kayla SHADOWPUNCHIN'SONIC!! wrote: "My mouth dropped. The screen was wrong...it had to be...'GOODREADS IS PERMANATLY SHUT DOWN'. The words flashed, but my mind wasn't comprehending. All the stories, poetry, friends...gone."There's n..."
Well done, typing in all caps is normally discouraged but I think that this is an appropitate time. Everything has a nice flow and is phrased correctly but try on making your descriptions more indepth. The emotion comes across pretty nicely too and I think expounding upon your existing descriptions you could make it even more powerful towards the reader. Thanks for participating Kayla!
I couldn't breathe. Goodreads, my other home, was gone for good? My head spun as I took jagged breaths. What about all my friends? How would I know what had happened to them? I tried to blink tears out of my eyes. My unfinished roleplays-- what would happen to the roleplayers? How would I keep in touch with everybody, make sure they weren't hurting?Everything I loved, everything I cherished-- gone in the blink of an eye. I knew from the beginning I shouldn't have gotten so attached, that I should have just forgotten about it.
But no.
I closed my laptop lid. A vow was made that day: a vow to never make friends over the internet again.
It only ends up in pain.
...Okay then.
Yep. I think I would die if Goodreads was shut down.
Ingrid wrote: "yeah. thanks for reading. I have never finished novels so i stick to essays and short stories. Also i realize when i put my descriptions into my poetry it flows smoother than in sentences. Have u f..."nope, I haven't finished anything. To tell you the truth i've never been really big on writing, in high school I did write a couple of stories for the school's contents but never won anything. Last year i had a story in my head, I though it was quite funny and as I told you before all the known heroines are teenagers or eary 20's so I thought to make her 30. I've been writing it for almos a year, Im in chapter 16 and I wish to finish it by next year, just before i turn 30. I'm really enjoying writing, I just wish I had the discipline to write every night. What about you? What are your goals?
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perfect in every way! the voice of the character in the story was powerful(u)
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my goal when i was 9 was to finish a story in a month. my next goal when i was 10 was to get a publishing agent when i am 16. i am trying to do both these things, to redo the first book i ever finished and then have my friend look at it. Her father prints books out from other writers into novels professionally;)
Ingrid wrote: "Eva wrote: "Ingrid wrote: "yeah. thanks for reading. I have never finished novels so i stick to essays and short stories. Also i realize when i put my descriptions into my poetry it flows smoother ..."That's realy good! Nice that you've got the contacts...and ambition, when i was 16 I was too busy running after boys...:) Do you know what degree you want to do at Uni?
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Emily [Just call me Mrs. Rogers] wrote: "I couldn't breathe. Goodreads, my other home, was gone for good? My head spun as I took jagged breaths. What about all my friends? How would I know what had happened to them? I tried to blink ..."Short but sweet. Everything flows nicely and your emotional descriptions are done quite well. How about trying to make things longer? Your sentences are short but try expeirmenting with expanding them and keeping the emotional empact on the reader intact. Well done and thanks for participating!
"Goodreads has been permanently shut down," the computer screen read. I sat back in my desk chair, completely astounded. How could Goodreads be shut down? How would I give reviews, chat with friends, or receive advice about my writing?
I felt myself start to panic. My hands trembled and a bead of sweat rolled down my forehead. My breathes came quicker and I began to feel lightheaded. No, I thought. I would not let myself do this. Not again.
I closed my eyes and tried to push this memory away, into the deep and dark abyss where I put all my bad memories and emotions. Slowly, I began to forget what had happened. It was like my mind was being rinsed with water. A cleansing, of sorts. The process was working.
It fought back. The memory was too strong for me to handle, and I started to remember. A computer screen, Goodreads......
"No!" I shouted out loud. I tried even harder to forget what I saw. The moment seemed to fade away, as I became numb and knew no more.
Shelly throws a piece of paper on Ronnie's face. He blinks slowly, takes the piece of paper, and stares at it for a moment. It's a printed webpage saying that GoodReads has been shut down permanently. It takes him a moment to even remember what that is, but by then Shelly is already wandering in the room, arms crossed, shaking her head slightly and sighing loudly.
"Was throwing it on my face really necessary?" he asks calmly, putting down his pen and looking at her.
His sixteen year old daughter stares at him as if he had just offended her on a personal level. She stops walking, narrowing her eyes. "If my own father, a published author, doesn't understand the gravity of this, then..." she trails off, opening and closing her mouth like a fish. She walks a couple of steps towards the exit of the office, hand grabbing the handle of the door, and then turns to him again. "My life is over!"
She slams the door on her way out.
Ronnie raises an eyebrow, eyes still on the closed door. He looks at the piece of paper on his hands. A sad nostalgic smile appears, and then as soon as it appeared, it disappeared. "Back to work," he says softly, grabbing the pen again.
*Note the phrase doesn't have to be included