Young Writers discussion

i wrote this one a LONG time ago and I just wanted to share! Enjoy...

MESSAGES (I dont really have a title to it. Maybe you could suggest some?)

Dear Count Duke,
You may not know me. Actually, you don't know me. But my sister knows you. Very well. She has a... deep affection for you. You hold her heart in your mixed-raced fingers and one graze the wrong way may wreck her for life.
This letter is a demand, a plea if you will, that you court my sister. Entertain her for a while, show a glimmer of romantic interest in her, and in return I will give you me. I notice the way you look at me, I know the way you accidentally graze my knee is no accident; the way you smile at me, half-crookedly, is one I have seen you give no one else. I have heard the rumors of your preferences and I have put two and two together. In exchange for romancing my sister, making her wish come true, I will give you my virtue. Please deliberate about this. She is fragile, this sister of mine, dependent on someone that can take care of her, dependent on always a man. You have caught her fancy, as I have caught yours.
Please, answer this quick. I do not know how long those bottles of pills will remain full and out of my sister's digestive system.

Sincerely,
Augustus

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Dear Augustus,
Your letter boasts truths and inaccuracies. You wrote 'You don't know me’ but I do. Your image is the object of my affection in my inappropriate dreams, if you mind me saying so.
I accept your offer, even though your sister and her friends irritate me with their incessant giggles. But our relationship must come not to light. If it does, my lust for you will be discarded and be replaced by a murderous rage. The constable will never find your body, I assure you.

Sincerely,
Count Duke
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Dear Count Duke,
Thank you for accepting my proposal. But your letter also has an inaccuracy of its own. This is not a relationship - it is a business partnership. My loins do not stir up in arousal when you walk by, only when I see a girl's bosom clearly through a tight shirt. You do not cause me to groan in ecstasy nor pleasure. Women are the object of my affection in my own inappropriate dreams. The only reason I am doing this is because of my younger sister's well-being. I love her so much, you do not know what I will do to protect her. So, let us get our facts correct: You will court her, love her forever, give her freesias in the morning, make her happy. And I will be your mister, your male mistress. If you break her heart I will break that disgusting contraption you use to impale your lover's behind with.

Sincerely,
Augustus.
***

Dear Augustus,
Last night was fantastic. I was very happy with your performance. As agreed, your sister will have a diamond ring on her finger by tomorrow night.

Sincerely,
Count Duke.

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Dear Count Duke,
You bastard. You despicable son of a bitch. We had an agreement. I would be your muse and you will be my sister's partner. If that is the case, why did she come back home crying and exclaiming that you broke her heart? You have no idea what you've done, what you've unleashed. I will take great perverse pleasure castrating you.

Unforgivably,
Augustus.

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Dear Augustus,
I was tired of living a lie. And your sister's breasts bored me, her silly eye-pitched voice irritated my ears. I would be most delighted if you come to live with me full time at the castle. You will have access to every luxury you could ever dream of.

Loving,
Count Duke.

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Dear Count Duke,
I am in your house right now. Walking up the stairs. Oh, you never should have played with my family. I will keep your testicles in a jar to admire when I am in prison. I can see you now. Writing away, a quill feather visible. I will see you in Hell, bastard.

Hating,
Augustus.

***
Dear Chief Justice,
Please excuse my brother. Please do not send him to hang. What he did was unforgivable, I know, murdering a count. But please do not execute him. He is all I have left. Please. I will offer my body to you, be your mistress. I will do anything. I beg you, do not send him to die.

Sincerely,
Greta.

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Dear Greta,
Your offer has caught my attention...

WHAT!!!!!!! That is amazing!!!

Skimmed it for now. This is pretty good from a quick glance. I'll take a peek tomorrow.