Laura's Friend Comments

Jay wrote: "Hey, Laura. Thanks for reading Death by Haggis, even though it turned out not to be your cup of tea. I read through your review to see what I could learn. It's really hard to distinguish someone's ..."

Hey Jay,

As I explained in the review, I only had that one page to work from. Definitely, the things I said about grammar and sentence structure hold true irrespective of my 'personal taste', and I do believe it would be worth getting an editor onto the job.

I'm confused by your Pratchett comment to be honest - being funny doesn't mean you have to enjoy all things that anybody in the world considers funny. I don't personally read Pratchett's books, but I think that's possibly due to not being exposed to them when I was younger. I've read one or maybe two, and I absolutely appreciate him as an artist and for what he does, but that doesn't mean I seek out his work. So while he doesn't match my personal taste (as you put it), I can still view him objectively from the point of view of 'general literary criticism'.

What frustrated me most about your book was that you seem to have treated writing it as a joke - you say in the intro how you and your friend started writing it just to mess with each other, and you left it like that for fun, as some kind of in-joke. If you see your book as a joke, then why did you publish it? If you'd done the first draft in the way you described and then rewritten it to make it more coherent and consistent, I'd understand. But as it is, it just seemed like a real lack of attention to detail - you didn't think it was important enough to redraft, so why should your audience think it's important?

Note that I'm absolutely not trying to be a dick here, and I'm not saying I'm perfect/the best author in the world/anything like that. As you're probably aware, I wrote my book for my grandmother, and she read it and enjoyed it. Past that, if I've brought a few smiles to people then that's great. But the fact that I was writing the book for a family member didn't mean that I didn't do three full drafts, with revisions in between. It didn't mean that I didn't get feedback from a range of people, then incorporate their suggestions and corrections. I mean, it was hard work - first draft was the easy part. Chopping it all up and breaking it all down was far less enjoyable. From the sounds of things, this second part is what you didn't do, and I really feel that Haggis would have been a stronger book if you had. It's not like there's anything essentially wrong with your premise/humour/etc - I'd just like to see you do it justice.

Re Annie Gomez:

>When a 10th grade girl who has flunked every quiz and test for the entire semester aces her biology final with a perfect score, there is only one explanation. What bothered Dr. Tripledoor, the biology teacher, more than the score itself, though, was the answer that Annie Gomez had put down for the extra credit essay question: What in your opinion most makes biology relevant to our lives?

I'd suggest:

When a tenth grade girl who has flunked every test for the entire semester aces her biology final with a perfect score, there is only one explanation. [Removed 'quiz and' to
try and shorten the unwieldy sentence; 'with a perfect score' may also be removed. Also, the 'explanation' is never given. Maybe she has magic powers - but the next sentence doesn't tell us. Hey I don't know, maybe Annie is a unicorn and she farted rainbows onto the page, causing some kind of space-time distortion and summoning her a new test with perfect results.] What bothered her biology teacher Dr Tripledoor, more than the score itself, was the answer that Annie had given for the extra credit essay question, 'what makes biology relevant to our lives?'. [Removed extra words; rearranged sentence to remove clauses and increase readability; removed unnecessary period from after 'Dr'.]

Good luck with Gomez, and thanks again.

Laura

Hey, Laura. Thanks for reading Death by Haggis, even though it turned out not to be your cup of tea. I read through your review to see what I could learn. It's really hard to distinguish someone's personal taste from general literary criticism. My best friend, who I think is the funniest guy in the world, hates Terry Pratchett and says he can't get through even a page or two of Pratchett's stuff, so go figure.

I'll take a look at the timelines in the book. I'm hoping Sorin can give me some good feedback too when he finishes the book.

I can't believe you liked the line about the two big knockers! I thought that was the cheapest shot in the whole book (though I couldn't resist adding it.) I'm glad that at least there was something in there for you. Thanks for sticking it out even though you weren't enjoying it. I appreciate you're doing that for me.

As for Annie Gomez and the Gigantic Foot of Doom, I do have the first five pages of it online at

http://www.cuttsreviews.com/books/foo....

so you can see at a glance if I've reformed my ways or not :)

I hope your travels are going well!

Nenia wrote: "Hi! ^-^"

Haha hello :)

Hi! ^-^