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Derek Landy
“Was it a test?” she asked. “I mean, I know I'm still new to this. I'm still the rookie. Did you hang back to test me, to see if I'd be able to handle it alone?”
“Well, kind of,” he said. “Actually, no, nothing like that. My shoelace was untied. That's why I was late. That's why you were alone.”
“I could have been killed because you were tying your SHOELACE?”
“An untied shoelace an be dangerous,” he said. “I could have tripped.”
She stared at him. A moment dragged by.
“I'm joking,” he said at last.
She relaxed. “Really?”
“Absolutely. I would never have tripped. I'm far too graceful”
Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

Derek Landy
“They might be kittens," she said hopefully.
"They're stalking us."
"They might be shy."
"I don't think it's kittens, Valkyrie."
"Puppies, then?”
Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

Derek Landy
“What would killing the Elders result in?"
"Panic? Fear? Three empty parking spaces in the Sanctuary?”
Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

Derek Landy
“You're late,' he said.
'I'm beautiful.'
'You're always beautiful.'
'I'm always late too.”
Derek Landy, Death Bringer

Derek Landy
“The Torment turned his head to him, and frowned. "Who are you?"
"I'm... sorry? It's me, it's Vaurien. Vaurien Scapegrace. I... built the cellar for you?"
"Oh," the Torment said. "You. Why are you back? I thought you were dead. It would have been nice if you were dead”
Derek Landy, Playing with Fire
tags: humor

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