Fiona

“If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.”
― Eddie Izzard

“Not to mention, it’d be worth guarding her just for the eye candy alone – sheez, can you imagine being around that day in and day out. Wonder if she sleeps naked…Bet she showers that way. Every day even. Think about it. I’ll even bet she’s naked underneath her clothes. (Syn)”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Born of the Night

“Squirrels always eat nuts with two hands, always two hands, "arararar", and occasionally, they stop and go, oh, uh, ah, as if they're going, "Did I leave the gas on? No! I'm, no I'm a fucking squirrel!" And occasionally they go, "Fucking nuts! Fed up with them always. I long for a grapefruit.”
― Eddie Izzard

“Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.”
― Eddie Izzard