Cira Mandelbaum

“A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.

"Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife annual and tosses it over his shoulder.

"I'm a panda," he says, at the door. "Look it up."

The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation.

Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.”
― Lynne Truss, Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation

“Believing doesn't make God real. Unbelief doesn't make Him disappear. Your opinion doesn’t change reality.”
― Randy Loubier, Slow Brewing Tea

“The Burger King robbery was committed by a couple of black kids, so that fact justifies pulling over EVERY black guy?”
― Mark M. Bello, Betrayal In Black

“I told him I loved him,” she said, her voice dropping to a whisper. “And he just said it wasn’t enough.” Her eyes were wide and bleak . “How am I supposed to live with that?”
― Jojo Moyes, Me Before You