Whitney

“Grown-ups love figures... When you tell them you've made a new friend they never ask you any questions about essential matters. They never say to you "What does his voice sound like? What games does he love best? Does he collect butterflies? " Instead they demand "How old is he? How much does he weigh? How much money does his father make? " Only from these figures do they think they have learned anything about him.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

“Calvin: ME TARZAN! KING OF JUNGLE!
Suzy: Nice underpants. Does your mom know you're over here like this?
Calvin:...I don't think Jane EVER said that to Tarzan.”
― Bill Watterson, Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons

“Elephants are useful friends: they have handles on both ends.”
― Ogden Nash

“Have you ever noticed that things that don’t kill you make you weaker? And great minds don’t think alike. If they did, the patent office would only have about fifty inventions. I started getting suspicious when I cried over spilt milk and the cashier took it off my bill.” - Wally”
― Scott Adams