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“When I’m asleep I’m a politician, and when I’m awake I’m a criminal. Throughout the day and night, my mentality never changes.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“Books say: She did this because. Life says: She did this. Books are where things are explained to you; life is where things aren't. I'm not surprised some people prefer books.”
― Julian Barnes, Flaubert's Parrot

“I trust politicians to do what’s right. For themselves.
”
― Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

“I once saw a politician walking a dog, and I thought, “How absurd—an animal walking an animal.” Then I thought, “If given the choice, I’d rather vote for the dog.”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks