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Janet Evanovich
“I'm sorry about your Porsche."

"I can replace the Porsche. I can't replace you. You need to be more careful."

I was just sitting in your car!"

Babe, you're a magnet for disaster.”
Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

Janet Evanovich
“I always wanted to eat with a Negro,” Grandma said.
Yeah, well I always wanted to eat with a boney-assed old white woman,” Lula said. “So I guess this works out good.”
Janet Evanovich, Four to Score

Janet Evanovich
“Calories don’t count if they’re connected to a celebration. Everyone knows this.”
Janet Evanovich, Hard Eight

Janet Evanovich
“Babe, you've destroyed a car, burned down two buildings, stapled a guy's nuts, and you have sixteen stitches in your leg. Take a night off. Have a glass of wine, watch some television, and go to bed early."
-Ranger”
Janet Evanovich, Lean Mean Thirteen

Lemony Snicket
“If you are a student you should always get a good nights sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book, and then you should stay up all night and let your schoolwork fall by the wayside, a phrase which means 'flunk'.”
Lemony Snicket

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