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George Carlin
“That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
― George Carlin

Rodney Dangerfield
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.”
― Rodney Dangerfield

Marilyn Monroe
“It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.”
― Marilyn Monroe

Phyllis Diller
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”
― Phyllis Diller

John  Green
“What the hell is that?" I laughed.
"It's my fox hat."
"Your fox hat?"
"Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat."
"Why are you wearing your fox hat?" I asked.
"Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

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