Kiki

“Not that I enjoy the parties all that much, but I enjoy losing myself and there's always someone there. Ready, waiting. Waiting for something to happen. Just like me.”
― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be

“The bed frame creaks like a rusty swing swaying back and forth, moans like a haunted house and something like glass shatters.

Shatters inside of you and the tiny slivers of this horrible thing splinter off and travel through your veins, beelining it straight to your heart.

Next stop: brain. I tried to think of anything, anything except it hurts. It hurts. It hurts so bad. Quickly though, the pain became secondary to the fact that I thought I might actually die. I couldn't breathe.

No sound could get out of my mouth and no air could get in. And the weight of his body was crushing me to the point I thought my ribs would snap right in half and puncture a lung.”
― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be

“As the girl closed her eyes, she was thinking of him. Thinking that maybe he was thinking of her, too, but he wasn't thinking of her in that way.

He was holding her in the palm of his hand, wrapping her around his fingers, one at a time, twisting and molding and bending her brain.

I try to whisper in the girl's ear: “Edy, get up. Just lock your door. That's all you need to do. Lock your door, Edy, please!”

I shout, but the girl doesn't hear me. It's too late.”
― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be

“I cover my eyes. I'm crying with my whole body and all I want to do is disappear. I feel his hand hesitate, hovering over my back, then rubbing awkward circles, and then his fingers in my hair. If he's saying anything, I don't hear.

All can I hear is my blood rushing and my heart drumming in my ears. A pulsing in my throat, like there's a big jumbled ball of words stuck in there dying to get out. He puts both arms around me, but I feel suffocated.

Don't want to be held. Don't want to be touched. Not by anyone ever again in my entire life. I crunch my teeth together to keep myself from screaming.

Screaming in general, screaming at him to get his hands off me, screaming for help, screaming because I can't make sense out of anything that is happening, has happened, will happen.

Screaming because I still feel like I'm back there, always back there, in my heart I'm still that girl.”
― Amber Smith, The Way I Used to Be