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Akahito
https://www.goodreads.com/akahitoshj_hak
“I never understood your indifference towards society, you always said what you wanted without carrying about the consequences. I envied you for the freedom I thought you had, while I kept my beliefs in secret, I lately realized that you had actually lost it.”
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“Depression feels like fever feels in the body. But unlike a fever, depression lets you taste those 40 degrees burning your insides. and still not let you die. There is no way to do it, there is no way to stop the discomfort, nothing, even if you take a pill and wait hours it will not go away, but knowing everything will end only if you drink the entire jar is the worse part.”
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“Paintings will always be the greatest art to me, since I never liked talking to others, they are my way of expressing myself, with small spots that anyone could do, although few understand.”
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“We never voiced the question, our unspoken truth lay bare.
Yet, in silence, I yearned for you to dare to care.
For had you asked, my resolve might have swayed,
And a different path, perhaps, we both could have made.
Fear was our shared companion, a silent, looming shade.
You, with dreams of freedom, chose to flee, to evade.
I was not a burden, nor a chain to your stride,
But the echo of your choice left my heart bruised and divided.”
―
Yet, in silence, I yearned for you to dare to care.
For had you asked, my resolve might have swayed,
And a different path, perhaps, we both could have made.
Fear was our shared companion, a silent, looming shade.
You, with dreams of freedom, chose to flee, to evade.
I was not a burden, nor a chain to your stride,
But the echo of your choice left my heart bruised and divided.”
―
“Today is going to be the real thing.
I have a hard time breathing. My heart races, I can feel my palms start to sweat. And I think so many things at once, my head begins to hurt and I hear someone groan and it confuses me until I realize it is myself.
Her smile, her sweet, sweet smile. The way she looks at me, as if I’m ten feet tall, as if I can hold the world in the palm of my hand.
And then, the tears streaming down her cheeks. “No, no, no. Please, Aidan, stop. No …”
The cops will come for me. Sooner or later. Two of them, three of them, an entire SWAT team, converging upon my doorstep. That’s why guys like me exist. Because every community has gotta have a villain, and no amount of pretend normal is ever gonna change that.
Gotta think. Gotta plan. Gotta get the fuck out of here.
To where? For how long? I don’t have that kind of cash….
I try to get my breathing under control. Find some sort of comfort. Tell myself it’s gonna be all right. I’m keeping with the program.”
― The Neighbor
I have a hard time breathing. My heart races, I can feel my palms start to sweat. And I think so many things at once, my head begins to hurt and I hear someone groan and it confuses me until I realize it is myself.
Her smile, her sweet, sweet smile. The way she looks at me, as if I’m ten feet tall, as if I can hold the world in the palm of my hand.
And then, the tears streaming down her cheeks. “No, no, no. Please, Aidan, stop. No …”
The cops will come for me. Sooner or later. Two of them, three of them, an entire SWAT team, converging upon my doorstep. That’s why guys like me exist. Because every community has gotta have a villain, and no amount of pretend normal is ever gonna change that.
Gotta think. Gotta plan. Gotta get the fuck out of here.
To where? For how long? I don’t have that kind of cash….
I try to get my breathing under control. Find some sort of comfort. Tell myself it’s gonna be all right. I’m keeping with the program.”
― The Neighbor
Akahito’s 2025 Year in Books
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