gwen

“The idea that there is sanity in insanity, that truth lies on the far side of madness, informs not only a considerable spread of Western literature but also, so commonly is it now held, an entire generation’s experiment with hallucinogens.”
― Joan Didion, The White Album: Essays

“All one’s actual apprehension of what it is like to be a woman, the irreconcilable difference of it—that sense of living one’s deepest life underwater, that dark involvement with blood and birth and death—could now be declared invalid, unnecessary, one never felt it at all.”
― Joan Didion, The White Album: Essays

“When I feel myself slowing, I lie down in a soft bed of sodden leaves and watch the dance. The pines sway. My spirit lifts. It is peaceful here, moving through the mindspace. Now I am a part of the darkness. I blend in perfectly.”
― Ottessa Moshfegh, Death in Her Hands

“Nobody knows your sorrows. It is best to keep it that way, as expressing sadness often invites pity. Sensitive women or young people often find pity consoling, and so they pervert their tearfulness into superficial melancholy in order to be further comforted. Some may become dependent on this superficial comfort, and will entangle themselves in darkness so that those around them will constantly try to “brighten” their spirits. Some call this “the depression.” Make it a regular habit to deny sadness when someone asks how you are coping. When you publicize your lament, the dead feel you’ve cheapened their absence, as though you’re taking advantage of their deaths to reap the attention you secretly wished for yourself while they were dying. When you mourn openly, the dead feel as though they’ve been murdered. If you must weep, do it in the bath, or in bed alone at night. Do not dedicate your sadness to anything but the dead. It is easy to confuse things, which is another reason to be discreet.”
― Ottessa Moshfegh, Death in Her Hands