Christine

“Tell me, Doctor. Which is funnier: a goat or a duck?” “I beg your pardon?” “It’s a simple query. Goat or duck?” “Well…duck.” At that, Holmes dropped down as if dodging a projectile. A few seconds later, he popped up. “Did you see what I did there? I mistook your meaning of duck and turned it into a humorous situation.” “Holmes, have you had any sleep?” “No time. Awake or asleep, the duck misunderstanding is highly amusing.”
― Colin Mochrie, Not Quite the Classics

“Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.”
― Kurt Vonnegut

“Unlooked-for kindness can cut deep as cruelties if they come at the wrong time.”
― Lyndsay Faye, Seven for a Secret

“He told me once that praying is like being a soccer coach and calling saints off the bench.”
― Ian Caldwell