Janet

“I told the joke, but someone else got the high five. That’s like me drinking a cup of coffee and a guy in a coma waking up. Go back to bed, buddy, your golfing days are over.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I watch people play golf in silence. Even after they hit I remain quiet, because my commentary won't help the ball roll into the hole, but it will saturate the air with unwanted pressure. Spoken words are like direct energy weapons, and I don't deploy them at an unarmed target.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“People ask me if I like golfing, and I look at them and reply, "Does The Pope wipe his ass with tuna fish sandwiches?" That response is NOT sponsored by Subway.”
― Jarod Kintz, To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“There was once a shape-shiiing demon who presented himself as a young boy to lie and lure kids away from their parents and into an alternate dimension. He was a predatory child snatcher, and his name was Peter Pan.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music