Joel Layton

“New Rule: The person who sat in my seat on the flight before me and could not finish the People magazine crossword puzzle has to be ashamed of themselves. I don't know who you are, but "Desperate _____wives"? Nothing? A three-letter word for "Writing utensil, you're holding it in your hand." Here's one more for you: Four letters, begins with a v, something you shouldn't be allowed to do this November.”
― Bill Maher, The New New Rules: A Funny Look At How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass

“Writing is like masturbation. It might not bear fruit, but it certainly does feel good.”
― Charles Delmar author of My Cooking Coach and creator of MyCookingCoach.com

“Learning how to love is like learning how to tie your shoes, and that’s precisely why I wear slippers.”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

“All I can do is turn a phrase until it catches the light.”
― Clive James, May Week Was in June